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Amen, right so Amos chapter 3 and I just want to focus on one verse, Amos chapter 3 and verse 3 which reads, can two walk together except they be agreed and the title of my sermon today is finding the right spouse, finding the right spouse. Let's go to the Lord and the Word of prayer. Father I thank you for your word, please just fill me now with your spirit, help me to just preach boldly clearly, help people to take this message on board, to want to you know apply it to their lives in the many different ways that all of us here can do that. Please just help me to preach accurately and pray Amen. Right we have a lot of singles in this church and it's going to go without saying pretty much every church or it should do if it's a cross-section of society because there are a lot of singles in the world aren't there, there's a lot of people that aren't married and we preach often about marriage and other things but not necessarily to the singles and to being unmarried and how to basically find that perfect person, that right person, that person that God's going to want you to be with. So I wanted to preach a sermon on that today, if you turn over to 1 Corinthians chapter 7, is being single a bad thing? Well it's not is it and obviously it depends on you if you're able to to be single, if you're able to be unmarried but it's not a bad thing and it's not that oh well people are judging you or thinking you know thinking things about you if you are if you're not. Well 1 Corinthians chapter 7, of course we went through this when we did our Corinthian study but verse 7 Paul who's unmarried, so Paul who's unmarried and and never does marry is saying for I would that all men were even as I myself but every man have his proper gift of God one after this manner and another after that. So it's a gift to be able to stay single, it's a gift to be able to stay single. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows it is good for them if they abide even as I. So why is it good? Well jump forward to verse 32, jump forward to verse 32 where it says but I would have you without carefulness he that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord how he may please the Lord but he that is married careth for the things that are of the world how he may please his wife there is difference also between a wife and a virgin the unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord that she may be holy both in body and in spirit but she that is married careth for the things of the world how she may please her husband. So it's a good thing, it's rare that you're able to do it but it is a good thing but I would say only if you put that time and energy to good use right. So there he's saying the unmarried woman cares for the things of the Lord that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. He said earlier on in verse 32 he that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord how he may please the Lord. So look if you're single you should have more time on your hands now obviously that doesn't necessarily work if if you've got kids and other things like that but for those of you that have never been married or never had children or anything like that being single you should have a lot more time on your hands okay because being married you know caring for your wife looking after your children and that goes for men and women there's a lot of time spent on that now if you're single you can put that time in for Lord you can put that time into the things of God not putting that time into just getting rich you know well now I'm single I can get as much money as I can well nothing wrong with maybe saving for a future for marriage nothing wrong with that but if it's just to get rich then no to spend more time on your hobby no I don't think that's that's what God wants you doing if you've got that time again nothing wrong with having hobbies but not if you're just going to spend all your all your free time on that and obviously it's not to be idle is it okay so if you're single out there it's not oh great well right now I've just got a nice time in my life to do absolutely nothing because truly you're probably just going to fall into sin anyway aren't you so while I read my bible you know I don't think it's enough there he's talking about caring for the things of the Lord and look there is plenty of stuff you can do for God okay beyond reading your bible there's plenty of things you could do beyond just building knowledge and not actually doing anything with that knowledge okay there's plenty of stuff you could do there's plenty of stuff you could do around a church if you're if you have extra time you want stuff to do please come and see me I'd happily give you jobs to do there's always stuff to do at this church but the vast majority don't have that gift okay that's the truth the vast majority in the world don't have the gift of being able to stay single verse nine if you go back to verse nine there he said but if they cannot contain let them marry for it is better to marry than to burn okay it's better to marry than to burn with desire to be married okay it's not saying that you're just walking around burning in lust all day every day because you've probably got a bit of an issue if you are but it's talking about burning without desire to be married and this sermon is for those that can't contain and would like to get married okay that's what this sermon is for but it's also for the parents here that are married to think about how they're going to raise their children who are all going to be single and are all going to maybe the majority then we're going to be looking for a wife or looking for a husband at some point it's also though for others in the church for those you're like right well I'm neither of those categories well it's others to help support those that are seeking a spouse okay and to know what we expect in the church as well with those that are single and how to behave and everything else at the same time now Amos 3 3 don't have to turn there said can two walk together except they be agreed and marriage is a long walk okay marriage is a long walk and look if you just put that analogy straight to going on a long walk and I'm talking about I'm not talking about a long walk down to the shop so I'm talking about say you went on one of these sort of sponsored hikes you went on these some people go on some long walk some people like will do from one end of I mean some people go a lot further than that but even from the you know the furthest point of the UK to the other and you know you could go on some long walks couldn't you would you want to go on that long walk with someone that you're not going to get on with would you want to go on that long walk with someone who's not safe for starters I hope most people here probably wouldn't would you want to go on that long walk with someone that's just going to be contentious that you're not you're just going to row with that'd be a pretty long walk wouldn't it that'd be a pretty unpleasant wall and look on that walk it's not just well you just got to follow some signposts in the walk of marriage you've got some bigger decisions to make than that haven't you okay you've got big decisions to make you got decisions to follow and you've got decisions to make and look it's not just you know just trusting the guy with the map and but women do have to do that don't they when it comes to marriage women have to trust that man with the map yeah they have to trust where they're going not be constantly peering over their shoulder going you're taking the wrong turn there we're not meant to go that way yeah you need to be able to trust that guy with the map but men as well men you need to be able to trust that your wife's not just going to wander off in the middle of that walk yeah you need to make sure that she's not just going to go on her own route and go right I'm done with your route I've got a better route to go on yeah I've got a better way to go and you've got to make sure that she's not then going to be a burden of both ways with that you want to make sure that you're not going to end up basically having to piggyback that person for half the walk hey you want to make sure that you're going to be walking together at the same pace together turn over to second corinthian six so how do you find someone that is going to go on that walk with you but then also walk together not only be willing to go on the walk but then be able to walk together with you and the title of my sermon is finding the right spouse yeah and for two to walk together which is what what we're going for here from amos three three number one they must be saved okay and I'm preaching to a church here okay so if you're not saved um I would say first things first get saved okay get saved and and if you're unsure if you're sitting here thinking I don't know a hundred percent sure that if I died today today I'm going straight to heaven I'm not sure if in the future I'm going to be going straight to heaven it depends on what I do or anything else you are not saved you're not saved and you need to get saved okay because you could die tomorrow and you'll be going straight to the lowest depths of hell well maybe not the lowest depth you will be going to hell and hell is pretty low anyway and look regardless you'll be going to hell if you do not put your faith in Jesus Christ okay so look if you're not saved please talk to someone after the service and and we'd be happy to show you how to get get saved but this sermon is to the saved and the title is find the right spouse and number one they must be saved if you're saved they must be saved there's no well I'm not sure look this is baseline okay this is just a bare minimum for a future spouse they must be saved okay and I want to make that really clear you know oh well that's pretty obvious isn't it no because a lot of people will start to look over this and we'll see that in a minute look at uh second Corinthians I got you to turn to chapter six look at verse 14 be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers for what fellowship has righteousness with unrighteousness and what communion have light with darkness and what concord hath Christ with Belial or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel and what agreement have the temple of God with idols for ye are the temple of the living God as God have said I will dwell in them and walk in them and I will be their God and they shall be my people wherefore come out from among them and be ye separate saith the Lord and touch not the unclean thing and I will receive you and will be a father unto you and you shall be my sons and daughters saith the Lord almighty okay look at verse 14 be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers for what fellowship has righteousness with unrighteousness and what communion has light with darkness yoked is joined coupled there's two animals pulling a plow of yoke together okay you wouldn't put a horse with a pony now I'm not an expert on farming but I think most people here even if you've never even been to a farm I doubt you would put on a yoke next to each other maybe a big strong horse and then some little weak pony um you wouldn't pair two animals together would you to pull that plow to do that sort of work and look in marriage you want that walk to be in the same direction don't you okay and if you're if if one of you saved and the other one isn't well there's two things that are going to happen one is that you're just going to not get on it's going to be a disaster it's going to end terribly or number two one of you and usually that's going to be the saved person is going to end up getting pulled into the unsaved life yeah okay well I might get them saved yeah but you don't know that do you okay you'd be absolutely mad to start off like that now there are people that get saved aren't there there are people that get saved and their spouse is unsaved and look if they're they're happy to dwell with you that you should you should stay and you should obviously try to get them saved okay that goes without saying but but I'm talking here to a church I'm talking to hear the singles here and you don't want to be planning you don't want to be aiming to get in a relationship with someone that's not saved so that means you want to be completely a hundred percent as much as you can be sure about their salvation doesn't that go without saying as well you're only sitting there questioning wondering I'm not sure you know what well they call themselves a christian well well they you know they they have like they wear a cross so they're probably a good person to start dating no you want to be 100 sure that they believe you know they believe and when I say believe that they're saved yeah okay that they're a hundred percent saved as much as you can know that for sure and and no you shouldn't date someone that's not saved if you're saved you're not planning to date someone and hope to get them saved get them say and by the way this is baseline we'll be talking about the other criteria in a minute get them saved long before you even contemplate any dating okay okay the important thing is make sure they're saved because look you shouldn't even be seeing if they're datable if they're unsaved okay kids I hope you're listening up here as you get older you shouldn't even be contemplating dating if they're unsaved okay look you because it's like once your mind starts going down that route then suddenly you start well it's not well they seem to be they seem to say they once mentioned Jesus yeah but they were cursing oh well you know they they once you know said something about God no you need to make sure they're saved what's the purpose of dating while we're on that what's the purpose of dating christians here we're not talking about the world what is the purpose of dating say again getting married is there any other purpose for dating it's getting married isn't it why are you dating if you're not planning to marry okay the purpose of dating is marriage so if you're dating someone that that you've got no inclination to marry you're nuts okay and and you basically you're well out of God's will as well okay the purpose of dating is marriage there's no other purpose we're not we're this isn't the world we're this is this is a church of bible believing christians okay the world oh well we just date to have fun have a bit of a look have a physical relationship and see what happens no no it does God want that no you're dating the purpose is marriage there's nothing cute or cool on that on on that uh topic about kids dating there is nothing cute cool fun you know and isn't it oh isn't it cool what should do yeah they seem to fancy that one no no that's not cool at all is it because what what are they even doing why are kids dating why is our world pushing children to be dating because it's wicked that's why because it's wicked and look until they're old enough to get married or maybe a year off getting married they they have no business dating yeah okay no business at all dating there is nothing positive that can come from that at all okay and if you're sitting here going i haven't heard preach like this before well that's because you haven't heard a bible preaching church before okay this is this is this is what matt this is what dating is about you're trying to find a spouse and the world yeah does go on multiple dates and have fun relationships but i'll tell you what yeah when i look back at my worldly days and i look back at people who live like that how much how much fun compared with how much heartache so much heartache comes from it so and so many scars that they still can't erase and so many repercussions that they can't change okay look oh but but we just want to have a bit of a laugh together yeah have a laugh together don't date yeah okay how about have a laugh have a have a laugh with other believers first okay but look if if they're not saved if they're not saved then you have no business even contemplating dating them if you're if you're a bible leaving christian here if you're saved okay verse 17 said wherefore come out from among them and be ye separate saith the lord and touch not the unclean thing and i will receive you we don't learn how to behave from our twisted world do we no anyone here thinking well yeah but the world's got some good ideas as well no we learn how to behave from the word of god don't we okay he said to come out from among them and be ye separate i don't care if your family and friends are gonna go what you know keep asking your kids have you got a boyfriend got a girlfriend you want to train your kids to say no i'm too young for that yeah i'm too young for that why on earth would i have a boyfriend or girlfriend i'm not old enough to marry okay and there should be nothing embarrassing about that verse 18 says no i'll be a father unto you and you shall be my sons and daughters saith the lord almighty and by the way if you've got family friends that are constantly going to push that sort of really it's it becomes filth really is it because there's something that a bit a little bit too preoccupied with that sort of thing aren't they then you want to distance them from your family okay you don't want a bit you don't want them around your kids now tie over to hebrews 10 the title's finding the right spouse for two to walk together number one they must be saved and number two they must be a churchgoer they must be a churchgoer and by the way i'm preaching to a church of churchgoers here okay that's who i'm preaching to here if you're not become a churchgoer okay become a churchgoer if you're planning to be serving god you need your spouse to want to be on board too don't you okay your spouse needs to be on board hebrews 10 24 says and let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works a big part of a godly marriage is provoking each other to love and to good works yeah okay not just provoking it sadly a big part of marriage can be provoking each other as well but it should be to love and to good work shouldn't it okay that's what a big part of marriage should be is you should be encouraging each other when one person's for having that spiritual battle the other should be propping them up and helping them okay sadly many christian marriages involve one spouse preventing the other from going to church that's that's the truth the world over isn't it okay many christian marriages do do become that but first things first you want to make sure they're in church and not just in church but they're in church regularly as well verse 25 says not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together as a manner of some is but exhorting one another and so much the more as you see the day approaching as a manner of some is look you want to make sure your future spouse doesn't forsake the assembling and look um again if any of you sitting here already are married and had times and moments i'm not i'm not preaching at that right now okay you're married there's no change in that and hopefully you'll be able to encourage each other to do this right there are going to be hard times in marriage but before you even get married you want to be making sure this box is ticked okay or you'll inevitably start forsaking the assembling that's going to happen now you could sit and go well i met them in church so it's all good i met them in church so what could go wrong well before that person goes any further than a potential possible future spouse you want to see consistent church attendance because there's a big difference between going to church now and again there's a big difference between turning up and having a little spell and disappearing for a while and coming back to regular consistent church attendance and believe me the devil's going to be on you more when you're going to be responsible for your spouse as well coming to church and then when it comes to your kids as well okay you want to make sure you can deal with it when you're single you don't have all those troubles all those stresses as well yeah okay you want to make sure so kids here again and i know like we're kind of narrowing it down a bit you might be sitting here going well there's not really many real churches in this country yeah but okay a couple of points here firstly this country is not the only country with christians in it okay there are other countries there are other people there are other churches okay we you know cross-cultural marriages can and do work okay so we don't have to get too too hung up on that this doesn't have to just turn into some big you know silly black night down here every week and everyone's just trying to pair people up and everything else there are other churches in the country but you know we're going to talk about that in a second as well like-minded faith but look you know we want to grow this church anyway and we want to have other churches and look we want to grow things and we want to we want to also link with other like-minded churches don't we as well okay and and there is a great date night called i think the red hot preaching conference where okay i'm joking does seem to be a bit like no but there are places there are other people as well but really you don't really really you don't want to be worrying about look all you want to be doing is doing what god wants okay and god wants you to look he wants you to not be unequally yoked doesn't he okay he doesn't want you forsaking the assembly if you're with someone that does you're going to start forsaking the assembly or you're going to have a big rift in your marriage um and look with church it's not just because it's a good dating ground to be here and just bear that in mind as well okay there are people that do come to churches looking for spouses and they appear to be everything right and they appear look you don't want to be even contemplating marriage with someone unless you you've got to know them for a long time okay and we're going to talk about that as well in a second um you want a spouse who's like david you don't have to know who said in psalm 27 4 one thing have i desired of the lord that will i seek after that i may dwell in the house of the lord all the days of my life to behold the beauty of the lord and to inquire in his temple that's the sort of spouse you want okay that's sort of spouse you want someone that wants to be in church if you want to be in church you need someone that wants to be in church if you don't want to be in church then in a way i'm not really preaching to you anyway i would say look go and look at sermons on why you should be in church okay because if you're if you're not in church you're out of god's will and that leads me onto the next point turn to proverbs chapter 3 finding the right spouse for two to walk together number one they must be saved number two they must be a churchgoer and number three they must be living for god they must be living for god if you're going to be one day joined together and become one flesh that flesh needs to be holy doesn't it that flesh needs to be holy proverbs chapter 3 and verse 1 says my son forget not my law but let thine heart keep my commandments for length of days and long life and peace shall they add to thee so if you want that walk in marriage here it says long life peace to be long and peaceful you need to both be trying to live in god's will don't you you need you need both of you to be trying your best to live in god's will to be living for god now you might be seeing they go well you just said that point you just said they must be a churchgoer but does going to church equal being in god's will okay let let's refer let's explain this quickly if you don't go to church you're not in god's will if you're not regularly in church you are not in god's will if you're a christian well if you're not a christian you're not in god's will either but you need to be regularly in church but if you are going to church and you're saved that doesn't mean right box ticked i'm in god's will does it okay that's just number i mean that's number one number one is getting saved number two is going to church okay but there's many more things you should be doing aren't there to be in god's will verse one he said my son forget not my law but let thine heart keep my commandments and there are many commandments of god that we should be trying to heart and trying our best sorry and our heart should be keeping and obviously there as well you say your heart keeping the commandments is memorizing that word of god as well but commandments like you'd have to turn the second thessalonians 3 10 which reads for even when we were with you this we command you that if any would not work neither should he eat so ladies here for example should not be contemplating marriage with anyone that doesn't work okay if you're coming if you're a single and you're you're you're contemplating marriage with someone and they don't work they don't have a job you shouldn't be contemplating that okay because they're out of god's will because god said that if any would not work neither should he eat now on that topic verity baptist church has a singles chat with a view to dating okay so they have this um they have basically this chat site where you could join up as a single with a view to it's it's moderated it's not private chat with a view to getting to know each other and and while you're getting to know each other you know maybe in the future you might date with a view to eventual marriage because that's what dating's for to be allowed on the site because i get sent the emails about this your pastor or or at least between your pastor and myself has to so firstly straight off the bat there you have to be a church guy to even be involved not oh well i'm a christian well i'm saved no you have to be a churchgoer and you have to they have to answer some questions about you not just are you a churchgoer okay the next question is if they are a male do you believe they have a job that would support a family okay first one if they are male do they have a job that would support a family because if they don't then they're not allowed on a dating site because why are they contemplating marriage if they don't work and again you might be sitting there going oh yeah but what if they're really nice well then hopefully they'll get a job okay then then they're able to start dating yeah and look i'm i'm gonna go go out on a bit of a limb here as well if they're a student okay if they're a student and they don't have a job unless it's literally it's like a hundred percent that you're going to go straight from that job into the workplace then you're not in a position to be dating because if you fail yeah if you fail you're not in a position to support someone so why are you dating why are you dating look there they won't let you date they no they won't even let you chat yeah not only date they won't let you chat with a view to dating so why on earth have we got kids around around the world christian kids who are you know 16 17 18 whatever it is without a job dating what they well how can how can a lady look at that and go yeah i think that guy's going to be able to provide for me and my family for the rest of their life yeah you want to make sure that they're a worker they're able to work and they've got a consistent track record of working otherwise they're just not in a position yet to be dating because if they're not in a position yet to marry either why are they dating because if they're if they're if they're a student if they're at school college university whatever well they're not able to marry yet are they because they're not able to provide for their wife because what are they marrying for to then send their wife to work i hope that makes sense yeah okay but it's the same for women being hard workers as well isn't it so it's not oh well it's just some men and i'm not talking about going out to jobs but if you're if you're a lady and you're hoping to date but your days consist of putting your feet up and watching soap operas or your days consist of of sitting at home doing nothing then what sort of a future wife are you advertising yourself to be because really really you should be busy look look i know we've got a cross-section people got people that have kids they're going to be busy with kids that are maybe single we got people that that that maybe maybe don't we've got youngsters and stuff as well but they should be working hard at home shouldn't they they should be working hard in the family they should be showing that they're also a hard worker and that's the criteria isn't it as well you know very baptist church also check if you're a troublemaker at church one of the questions is this person a troublemaker you don't have to turn to hebrews 13 17 says to obey them that have the rule over you and submit yourselves okay talking about the leadership of the church if a young lady for example can't submit to the authority of her parents or to the authority of a church what makes you think she's going to submit to you so look this church could be a great place to see is that someone who's going to actually submit is that someone that's actually going to submit in marriage because if they can't submit to the church they can't see like oh oh no because they're going to love me look believe me if they can't submit they ain't going to submit okay in the future it's going to become a problem so you want to see that and if they can't submit to the authority of the church but that's even going to church in the first place let alone submit to the authority of a church then you've got no business marrying them but in the same way same with the man as well they can't submit to the church they can't submit to it to an employer for a lot who's to say that they're not going to get sacked further down the line exactly so these are like these are all like and by the way i'm going to show you in a minute this is in an order that i'm giving you this which is like ultimate like these things are more important than do they have nice eyes do i fancy them or whatever else okay yes that's got look that comes further okay first things first you better tick off these things on the list yeah are they living for god and that includes by the way that's not just oh well they go soul winning well they they read their bible yeah but yeah they do need to be reading their bible if you're if that man can't even read hasn't even read the bible through why on earth are you even contemplating them for a husband if they have never read the bible through cover to cover how on earth are they going to spiritually lead you for the rest of your life no way yeah how are they going to do it how can you be sure they're going to look and if they haven't i'm not down on new christians here or people that maybe aren't new christians it just maybe you know they're only now starting to get right with god well wait till they've been right with god for a while before you start contemplating marriage and that means don't don't date okay why are you dating why are you dating someone that can't show you that they'll be a good husband because that's what dating's for isn't it why you date someone that can't show you that they're going to be a good wife but if a young man can't turn up to church on time and i'm not having to go anyone that's turned up late say by the way pull up by the junior okay but if he can't yeah say say they can't say and look things happen and i know people that rely on trains things happen as well and look they're you know the odd the odd like one off and everything else is is different okay but if you're regularly you can't turn up to church on time you can't be respectful when you're at church and i'm talking to men and women here like like i said let's say that their employer is going to put up with them in the long term what's to say that they're going to be able to be employed what's to say they're going to be able to provide for you in the long term well look they need to be in the will of god and in the will of god covers many more things than going to church and soul winning okay oh but but he's recently saved he just hasn't got plugged into a church yet okay well wait till he's plugged into a church okay there's no rush is there look marriage is for life okay not just for christmas okay marriage marriage is for life you want to make sure that you're making the right decision don't you okay because once you're married there is no other option okay just make it clear there is no other option so if you're sitting here going oh well my spouse isn't ticking all these boxes tough okay tough make it work yeah make it work okay but marriage is for life verse three said let not mercy and truth forsake thee bind them about thy neck write them upon the table of thine heart so shalt thou find favor and good understanding in the sight of god and man okay that's going to rub off on your spouse as well by the way okay so if you want if you want to have good understanding you know you want to you want to have good favor and good understanding sight of god and man then also you want to hope that your spouse has that as well don't you okay trust in the lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding in all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths amen well a great great couple of verses there and about in fact well the bible is great but these are famous verses aren't they verses which many people have on their heart and by the way that's a great motto for those of you there that think well there's just no one out there for me well i've just done if i'm going to those of you that want to look and again i'm not sitting here going right anyone who ticks the singles box must be this but look there are people there that maybe do have the gift there people that maybe go right right now it's not a good time for me okay and we're not sitting here like the world just going if you're single it must be because you just can't get it no there are reasons and and look i hope people are fussy as well okay people should be first they should be patient trust in the lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths look you need to be patient as well but while you're being patient what should you be doing you should be trusting the lord with all your heart in all your ways you should be acknowledging him okay if you're living for god then basically you've got a better chance of finding someone who else who's living for god as well okay and find someone that god wants you to be with be not wise in thine own eyes fear the lord and depart from evil and let's face it if our wisdom isn't from the bible where's it from the world yeah okay if it's not from the bible it's from the world and anyone think that the world is wise no no because the wisdom of this world is foolishness with god isn't it and and the more you learn the more you grow as a christian the more you read your bible the more you realize how foolish our world is the world which says well if they look good the rest is a bonus that's basically what the world says doesn't it what a catch because you know you've got the trophy wife yeah but she's just an absolute nightmare but she looks good you know great you know i'm so jealous no no because the world it's foolishness isn't it it's absolutely ridiculous the world which says get physical first and then contemplate maybe marriage later yeah if you're that way if you're a bit of a traditionalist type you know and you might actually get married at some point and not just call them you know your partner or something else the work that is absolute foolishness isn't it getting physical first okay fornication is foolishness it's absolute foolishness and again how many people will have lifelong scars from fornication lifelong scars lifelong issues lifelong repercussions from fornication fear the lord and depart from evil because as soon as you're fornicating and by the way that's having a physical relationship outside of marriage because we use the king james bible here we don't let some modern wicked perversion of the bible change that what that even means that means having a physical relationship outside of marriage you are definitely not living for god you are definitely out of the will of god and you definitely do not tick this box now okay that means he's not directing your paths and look when it comes to choosing a spouse when it comes to getting married you want to you need god you need god to direct your paths with that okay because look without god it's going to go wrong okay without god it's going to go wrong turn to first corinthian six because fornication might not be a big deal to the world but it is to god it is a massive deal to god okay and i hope everyone understands that it is a big deal our world might make out like we're weird because we don't think fornication's a big deal it's a big deal it's a massive deal that's why first corinthians chapter six and verse 18 reads flee fornication every sin that a man doeth is without the body but he that committed fornication sinneth against his own body what know ye not that your body is a temple of the holy ghost which is in you which you have of god and you're not your own for ye are brought bought with a price therefore glorify god in your body and in your spirit which are gods flee means run the other way run flee get as far away as possible okay as far away from any chance of fornication as possible because you're sinning against your own body as well yeah okay that it's a severe sin because why because you're dishonouring the temple of god okay it's basically like going into the to god's holy temple in the old testament and just doing all sorts of wickedness in there it's like fornicating in the temple of god okay it is absolutely wicked and when you're fornicating with a christian it's like a double offense isn't it yeah okay it's even worse i'm not saying oh well as long as you fornicate then with a no look fornication is wicked okay it's wicked the bible says it's wicked and look many people here like oh well you know back in my past look hopefully you've moved on from that you're saved you would never never even contemplate it again but how do you flee it how do you flee it get as far away as possible you never put yourself in a position where it would be possible you never put yourself in a position where it could even be possible because if you're dating what's your goal what's your goal if you're dating okay possible marriage at least isn't it okay your goal is marriage is this person ready to is this person what what i want and what god wants for me as a husband or wife so that means you're gonna have plenty of time alone in the future okay if you get married you're gonna have plenty of time alone well until you have kids then you're gonna have no time alone but until then you're gonna have plenty of time alone together okay and look until that point you shouldn't be alone with the opposite sex okay and i i'm gonna i'm gonna make this make this clear here because we firstly i want to talk about here anyway just to get this off my chest because we i will i haven't kind of made this clear and this is part of my fault here because we basically inherited at this church what we did at uk soul winning okay and we weren't a church we didn't have any authority as a church and we basically just said well obviously no married no married people with with the opposite sex other than their husband or wife when they were soul winning okay but at this church we're a church now and we want to do things right in a church and that means no opposite sex to go soul winning together okay that's the rules in the church they're not to be alone soul winning together and again i'm making it clear now so i'm not going to go out anyone that wasn't aware of this but that is one of our rules in the church and i'll continue to be a rule in the church i don't care how much the world changes things and starts even even you know renewing what even is a man or woman well we're not fussed because we sit on the word of god here and the word of god you know is clear we you should be fleeing fornication that means you don't even want to be in a position where there could be a temptation for it okay and and look with that you know i think well i'm going soul winning so how on earth look the problem is with that is that your motivation should be going out and getting people saved yeah so it's not it's not date night okay do date night another time okay soul winning is soul winning okay and on that as well look there can be temptation again it might not be that but it might be just just things just start to get a little bit too personal because like i said your goal is marriage you don't want to be rushing along anything else until all these boxes are clearly ticked with a nice strong bit of black ink yeah okay not a little bit faded not with a pencil that you can rub out all our tick tip i'm not sure you want to make sure these boxes are ticked before you even contemplate moving further on to really to going further in the dating game yeah and look i appreciate that when it comes to some of this look it's not going to be right right well i'm going to know straight away that they're living for god i'm not going to know look because some people like to say will con you okay some people will con you some people will come into a church some people look as we know and i'm not going to go on about it but as we know there will be people that will con a whole church for years okay so look if you're you want to make sure you're not marrying someone like that yeah you want to make sure that when you're when you're dating that as far as possible before you even get to that point where you're contemplating that marriage that look that with that person you want to be like obviously your goal is management you're you want to be making sure that they're saved that they're that they're a regular church goer that they're that they want to live for god okay and that's going to take some time and you don't want to be rushing things along before that we'll talk about that in a second okay so that means yeah you shouldn't be alone that means look when you're dating it should be not only in a public place but let's be honest there should really be chaperoning as well and look i can't force okay this is what i think i think you should be doing okay this is my opinion and based on other pastor's opinions and based on reading the word of god and based on on the risks and everything else and we're going to talk about just a few of those i won't go into the stories 2d but look that's what i think now what you do outside the church in a way is up to you but as you know if anyone is fornicating they're kicked out of the church yeah okay there's no there's no well we'll let them off this time no you're out the church okay you're out the church and until we decide that you've basically clearly shown that you would you know that you know you're wrong you would never do that again and there's going to be a bit of time for us to be convinced that you're out the church okay and a lot of time when people are kicked out of the church they don't come back to a church do they okay and you don't want to be in that situation to you because you need to be in church okay so just to make it clear but in terms of look not only not being together not the chaperoni etc look our our pastor teaches and i agree with this he says until you're married no touching now i've got i've kind of and when i say no touching he'll say no hand holding no hand holding none of that oh what sort of you know what sort of weird uptight old-fashioned look he calls it and i agree with him he calls it the gateway drug he calls it the gateway drug now some of you might be sitting here well we we managed to yeah but many people don't because many people managed to smoke a cigarette when they were younger didn't become chain smokers many people managed to to smoke and not get onto the the drinkie and the drug some people managed to look but some people but a lot of people don't yeah and a lot of people it's a slippery slope and look when you start going to that level then suddenly it's gone beyond the dating now isn't it now it and look there's now becoming more vested emotional interest in that as well which then suddenly those boxes that weren't ticked very strong start to become a bit less important because now you're gripped with the lust as well and i'm not saying right i'm gonna you know you touch later that's it look obviously you can shake hands and things like that i'm not talking about that but look there should be distance between you look you're dating you're looking for marriage you're not looking to get into some lustful relationship that then starts to become the top criteria for you marrying them because you're gonna have a you could have a lifetime of misery that's look you want to be sensible when it comes to it so look in this church though that's what we expect okay in this church that's what we expect and okay as parents here i'd hope that people would want to enforce that as well amongst the kids i understand as adults here you don't have those say parents trying to enforce that sort of thing and chaperoning you and and everything else but you need to be responsible adults okay and also because you're basically you're being looked at by other people in church especially by kids as well yeah okay so we want you to behave in the right way now look just remember marriage is for life okay please just remember that marriage is for life the world says you can divorce you can do what you like marriage is for life so if your dating encourages lust then you're more likely to make a bad decision okay you're more likely to make a bad decision and that bad decision is going to affect your whole life okay turn to first thessalonians 4 and the bible gives us many examples by the way things go wrong because of people not being wise about this sort of thing now we're not going to turn there but for those of you that do know your bibles you'll know these stories what about joseph shouldn't have been in a house alone with potty far's wife should he okay joseph look joseph was a great upstanding guy but i would say that was an error as soon as he everyone else without out the house he should have got out the house as well because what happened basically this guy's wife then accused him because she tried to come on to him he rejected her and she accused him of doing the same he ends up in prison okay tamar shouldn't have been in a room alone with her half brother amnon should she take again if if you don't know the story read about these stories okay tamar this is under the reign of king david okay tamar is invited into the room as soon as everyone left she should have left as well shouldn't she because again she ended up getting basically she got raped she got forced okay absolutely horrendous story that is what about what about dina shouldn't have been unchaperoned around sheik and the hiveite should she okay she shouldn't have if you remember the the um the the daughter of jacob she goes out to see the daughters of the land yeah ends up she's clearly not chaperoned she's gone out on her own she's hanging around with worldly whores basically and she ends up in you know it basically with this guy sheikham who ends up getting killed and the whole thing's just another just tragedy again why because she's out unchaperoned isn't she she's out on chaperone she ends up on her own with this guy okay they're just just off the top of my head a few stories in the bible which make it clear that we should take we should give this thing a lot of respect okay we're not some wicked worldly church where we're just everyone johnny where a lot of the time it comes down to some sort of pervert in the church anyway that just wants all this just everyone together and and all the stuff that goes on in all these wicked liberal churches everywhere we don't we don't want that here do we oh you funny duddy i don't care yeah i don't care i want i want our church to be clean i want it to appear to be holy i want it to be holy but i want to at least see appearing i want people to be trying their utmost to be holy okay first cecilonia chapter 4 verse 1 says further more than we beseech you brethren always begging you and exhort you by the lord jesus as you have received of us how you ought to walk and to please god so you would abound more and more for you know what commandments we gave you by the lord jesus for this is the will of god even your sanctification that you should abstain from fornication that every one of you should know how to possess his wrestling sanctification and honor not in the lust of concupiscence even as the gentiles which no not god by the way concupiscence is sexual lust that no man go beyond and afford his brother in any matter because that the lord is the avenger of all such as we also have forewarned you and testified for god has not called us unto uncleanness but unto holiness he therefore that despiseth despiseth not man but god who has also given unto us his holy spirit right if you've got a problem with this kind of preaching then it's god that you're hating not me yeah he therefore that despiseth despise despiseth not man but god who has also given unto us his holy spirit god said to flee fornication he said fleeing he said get as far away as possible that means don't put yourself in any position where it might even be an option further down the line that's the whole point in the no touching bit is it oh well what we're going to suddenly you know get into a physical relationship no you might not suddenly but you might do further down the line you might or you might end up marrying because that's all that's on your mind now yeah look look this these criteria are so much more important than the physical part seriously they are these have to be ticked first the other bit is important but these have to be ticked first otherwise you've got no business you've got no business getting married and you've got no business dating and having some sort of dating life which is more like a married life god said to flee fornication you have to turn him just over over the page in chapter 5 verse 22 he said to abstain from all appearance of evil abstain from all appearance of evil and look if you're single yeah and someone shows an interest in you and it goes straight down this sexual lust route then you're you're well out of god's will okay you got it all wrong you're going about it all wrong because look i i honestly believe yeah i honestly believe that the most sensible thing and i know their example you could go to scripture go well they literally got married straight away yeah and by the way i would say they probably didn't have anywhere near the effect and influence that the world has on us now and getting married i think you have more harder pressures i might be wrong there but regardless i do believe that you should go through a long period of time dating okay getting to know someone first you should be getting to know them then if you're dating you should be getting to know them through dating before you even starting to plan and plot plot marriages i mean i've heard advice about a year you go through basically four seasons theoretically you know at least that you get to because then you really get to know someone because a lot of people look in that honeymoon period of getting to know someone it's like they walk on water at the beginning but that scene changes okay and you don't want that changing once you're married okay and then you're like actually that is not the person i thought they were okay get to know someone first turn to proverbs chapter five finding the right spouse for two to walk together number one they must be saved number two they must be a church guy number three they must be living for god and number four they must be someone you're attracted to okay they must be someone you're attracted to yeah that's right but i'm not just talking about how they look okay i'm not talking about just how they look it's a whole package yeah because personality can ruin good looks can't it okay personality can ruin good looks proverbs 11 22 we saw last week it says as a jewel of gold in a swine snout so is a fair woman which is without discretion do you want to share a bedroom with a pig do you want to share a bedroom with a pig because they have a pretty jewel in their nose yeah oh well it's all right because they've got a pretty jewel in their nose so and by the way that jewel is going to lose its sparkle with time as well okay if you look at it from that that point of view that that jewel is going to lose its sparkle and then that pig's going to have nothing good about them okay look proverbs chapter five and verse 18 says let thy fountain be blessed proverbs 5 18 let thy fountain be blessed and rejoice with the wife of thy youth let her be as a loving hind and pleasant roe let her breast satisfy thee at all times and be thou ravished always with her love now as beauty is in the eye of the beholder so is someone's personality by the way okay so is someone's sense of humor for example so is the way someone just says things does things etc okay and and look when i'm talking about beauty here i fussed what hollywood says is beautiful i'm not fussed what the media says is beautiful i'm not fussed how much botox is apparently beautiful i'm not fast how much airbrushing makes someone beautiful yeah i'm talking about the whole package and you want to be attracted to them you want to be attracted to the whole of them though that means attracted to their personality attracted to them because you you'll know those of you that have been single at at times the more you get to know someone it can go one or two ways can't it sometimes you get to know someone and you start to become attracted to someone and sometimes you get to know someone and you start to become a lot less attracted to someone okay and getting to know someone is important so if you're single and you're just looking around whether it be at a church or you go to the red hot preach conference or whatever it is you go well that one looks good you got it all wrong okay you want to be ticking these first three boxes first okay these first three boxes are a must then after that this is important yeah but this isn't important if the rest of it isn't ticked does that make sense yeah if you're going to rejoice like it says here with the wife of your youth then you need to get on too don't you you need to get on with the wife of you youth if you're going to rejoice for them ravished here is delighted to ecstasy so it's no good ticking all the other boxes and then putting up with someone that you don't like either so oh well i ticked all those boxes oh well well they live for god come on let's get married yeah well they you know they're saved and they go to church so that that's a you know he's a good christian well why are you getting married he's a good christian you know i can't stand how he looks but he's a good christian you know or she's a good housewife well she's a good housewife yeah you know she's absolutely rotten to the core but she's a good housewife but that's that's that's not what it's about is it and look i put this bit last for a reason because if they're not saved it doesn't matter how much you like their smile okay it doesn't matter if they're not in church their addictive personality makes no difference makes that if you want to live for god if you're a church going bible believing christian you want to live for god it doesn't matter how great a personality they have if they're not in church they're not for you if they're not living for god their hollywood looks are like a jewel in a pig's nose okay if they're not living for god their hollywood looks don't matter and this is the key yeah because before you even risk getting attracted to someone they have to tick the first three boxes does that make sense yeah before you even risk it look you want to get that off your mind if you're if you're single and you're looking around a church going oh that one look that's get that off your mind yeah get away from that bit and make sure they're ticking the other boxes first don't rush it because look like i said earlier once a fire is going in your bosom once that fire starts going in your bosom for someone those other boxes become less and less important that's what will happen once that fire's burning for someone once you get it starts you know the lust is getting there or whatever you want to call it just see attraction you you already contemplate you're only looking at them in that way suddenly it's not quite so important suddenly you're finding reasons to excuse the other boxes yeah yeah that's what happens that's what people do well he said that you can lose your salvation but he didn't really mean it i don't think he really meant it he probably just was a bit confused at that point you know oh she can't boil an egg but i prefer takeaway anyway you know i just have a life of takeaway you know lucky me yeah oh well they prefer a home church but but that's well that's probably more biblical anyway really isn't it all this church stuff you know i mean i'm sure there are some house churches yeah yeah that's okay look you'll start making excuses you'll start making excuses you'll start just turning the other cheek to what should be serious disqualifiers and and like i said with that as well when you get physical then suddenly those personality issues and those things where you don't really get on that well start to just get discarded as well because there's a lust there's a burning and then suddenly you're marrying just basically because you don't want to be burning you don't want to be in fornication okay this stuff's important because like i said look learning about someone takes time okay if it's done properly it takes time and you don't want to be rushing rushing into anything you want to just be getting to know people get to know them chatting obviously you need to be out there as well so again like on that just something to add if you're single and you want to and again just because you're single doesn't mean you want to get married does it but if you want to if you're like look i don't think i can contain i want to be married you kind of need to be talking and getting to know people get to know people because you'd be surprised people that look you they're not like you're not looking across the room and the hearts are going in your eyes and everything else yeah look you'd be surprised how someone can can quickly become someone that you're attracted to when you actually get to know them yeah okay look it's not about just well if they are they exactly that picture perfect whatever my ideal woman or man look that stuff's just nonsense yeah yeah obviously like i said you want to be attracted to them but to the whole lot to the whole package the personality because i tell you what the personality is there for life the looks aren't okay the looks aren't and i'm talking about men and women okay you know make sure you get on yeah and also because people are dishonest yeah people are dishonest look look let's face it anyone here if you could and i don't want you know husbands and wives to be picturing themselves single but if you did go back to when you were single and you were trying to impress someone yeah were you just like just lay it all just lay it all out there just go well i'm you know i'm bad at this i i only brush my teeth once a week is that really you know and i hope no one here is like that but are you really coming out of that stuff or are you literally putting on the picture perfect image of yourself boring you might try and show yourself to be a little bit humble at times as well you know it's something that's not going to affect it too much you know oh yeah well you know i'm not the best speller sometimes yeah now now he thinks i'm humble people do look people are craft people have guile yeah people have guile and when they're dating it's no different okay so you want to make sure you get to know them yeah yeah and again if you're dating you want to make sure you've been honest as well yeah because again you don't want them to get into a situation and look with that as well the longer you date the more it becomes like a divorce when you do get rid of someone okay so if you're already your date you're thinking look this isn't really going to work just cut it off yeah yeah do the nice thing and do it earlier because the longer it goes on the harder it is for people okay and and like the same thing with that just be honest from early on yeah because the longer it goes on the longer when the lies start coming out and they start seeing who you really are it could be hard to break up can't it okay so look you want to make sure we want to be honest we're christians aren't we we want to be trying our best to be honest and look otherwise what's the alternative what's going to happen you're going to end up in an unhappy marriage or sadly you're going to end up in a situation where people start contemplating divorce and look let's just make it clear divorce isn't an option okay divorce is not an option if you're saved divorce and if you've been divorced i'm not talking at you right now and again with any of this yeah if you are anything on this list this isn't to hate on you or anything else if you've been divorced well okay now move on but those of you that have that have sorry that aren't that have never been married when you get married okay it's for life there is no option those of you that have divorced look now let's just cover this quickly anyway while we're on it you kind of have two options really you have you have stay single okay for the rest of your life until that person either dies or you do okay or you try and reconcile because look otherwise you're committing adultery when you remand again look people and people that have done that if you're on a second marriage or something else again i'm not i'm not hating on you i'm just telling you what the word of god says okay and if i had time we'll go to the scriptures we'll maybe do that another day and if you want to talk about that you're welcome to um okay marriage is for life it's a long walk together isn't it it's a long walk together make sure you're prepared for that walk okay make sure that you're prepared for that walk so find the right spouse for two to walk together number one they must be saved number two they must be a churchgoer number three they must be living for god number four they must be someone you're attracted to remember amos three three said can two walk together except they be agreed make sure that you agree on the important things first on that let's pray father i thank you for your word i think you um that you know you give us so many principles in the bible and so much truth there and help us to see the importance of things that our world you know kind of just flip upside down and turn them onto their head but you know your word doesn't change and your your standards don't change and how you want us living how you want us behaving doesn't change please help us to respect that help us to follow that help us all to just want to live for you help us to not not hate the message or hate the messenger and just just appreciate that your word is is is what we care about and we thank you for that and we i pray that you know that people here that want to find find husbands and wives in the future will be able to find those the right people that you'll guide them they'll do things the right way and that the rest of us here that that are married that you know we're not going to look at sermons like this and start trying to find fault in our husbands or wives and and just make our marriages work as well everyone here you know has to work at a marriage help us all to do that um because marriage can be a great thing it'd be a wonderful thing um just please help us to respect your word respect your institutions in life and um and help us also to to have a good afternoon now after this service go out and get lots of people saved and and try and encourage them to want to live for you as well and return back safely for this evening service in jesus name for all of this amen