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The role of the past is to preach God's word, not my word, God's word. And when it comes to that, you know, we preach a book like Song of Solomon, of course, it touches on marriage. And my marriage isn't perfect. You know, I'm not the perfect husband and my wife's not the perfect wife. And, you know, nobody here is going to say that their spouse is the most perfect thing. We're still all sinners, we still have areas that we can improve. And so it's important that when we look at this book, we still, we analyse our marriage. That's the point of this book that we analyse our marriage and assess is our marriage up to the standard that we read there in the Song of Solomon. And if it's not, you need to fix it. You need to improve it. You need to do something to further enrich your marriage. And if you look at verse number 16, Song of Solomon 5 16, it says, His mouth is most sweet, yea, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved and this is my friend. The title for the sermon tonight is This is my friend. Now, before we get into the chapter, I want you to, if you're married, I want you to ask yourself this question. Can I look at my spouse and when I look at my spouse, do I think that this is my friend? Is that your perception? You know, when you think of the friends, the people that you consider your friends, these people are my friends. You know, often we associate our friends outside from the one that we're married to. You know, we say, well, that's my spouse, but these are my friends. Or I'm going to go hang out with my friends. But if you consider your friends, you need to be considering your spouse as well. And it's very clear here, like, I will honestly say to you, I mean it. My wife is my best friend. You know, who is your best friend? My wife is my best friend. You know, just this week, I communicated with my best friend from high school. And I had a best friend from high school. And, you know, we kind of reached out and we sort of considered, you know, is there a way that we can meet up again, catch up? Because it's been many, many decades, actually, since we've caught up. And while I'm excited to think of a time that I can catch up with my best friend from high school, I have to be excited when I can think about the times that I can catch up with my best friend today, which is my wife. You know, and I had a really great time on my wedding anniversary with my best friend. Yes, my best friend. And you'll see that even when you look at verse number one, Song of Solomon chapter five, verse number one, I have come into my garden, my sister, my spouse. I have gathered my myrrh with my spice. I've eaten my honeycomb with my honey. I have drunk my wine with my milk. Eat, O friends, drink, yay, drink abundantly, O beloved. You can see that the very first verse of this chapter deals with friends. And the last verse of this chapter deals with friend. And of course, there's nothing wrong with having friends outside of your marriage. But you need to remember that they should not replace the friendship that you ought to have with your spouse. And so when we begin there in verse number one, I'm coming to my garden. That should obviously remind you, just backtrack to chapter four. Just as a reminder, Song of Solomon chapter four, verse number 12, it says, A garden enclosed is my sister, my spouse. A spring shut up, a fountain sealed. And so you may recall that, you know, the husband here is using his wife or illustrating his wife as a garden, an enclosed garden, a garden that is just for him. That love is just between the two of them. And he's enjoying the garden. He's enjoying the waters and the beauty and the flowers of the garden. Of course, that's representing his intimacy with his wife, his love with his wife. And so again, when we start chapter five, we continue that same thought. I'm coming to my garden, my sister, my spouse. So again, they're talking about their love that they have one for another. He says, I have gathered my myrrh with my spice. And so he's again, speaking of himself, smelling beautiful for his wife. Okay, covering up that body odor. He says, I have eaten my honeycomb with my honey. I have drunk my wine with my milk. Then he says this, Eat, O friends, drink, Yea, drink abundantly, O beloved. So he's talking about his love for his wife. Okay, but now he speaks about his friends. What is he saying? He's saying to his friends, I love my wife is what he's saying. You know, he's proclaiming his love of his wife to his friends. And again, that's the next challenge that I have for you brethren. Like he's saying to his friends, like, drink of this, like, enjoy, rejoice in our love, rejoice in our marriage. Is that how you communicate, you know, your marriage to your friends, or to your brothers and sisters in the Lord at church? Are you someone that actually speaks down? Do you criticize your spouse, to your friends? Look, if you criticize your spouse, your friends, anybody can do that. That's easy to do. Like every marriage has something to be critical about. Like I said, nobody's got a perfect wife. Nobody's got a perfect husband. If we just want to be critical, if we just want to pick up on the bad habits and the bad issues and the things we don't like, and then find our friends and find our community who can bag our spouse about. Look, that's nothing special. That's nothing amazing. What you ought to be doing is saying, look, these are the great qualities of our marriage. These are the great qualities of my spouse. Hey friend, let me tell you how much I love my wife. Let me tell you how great my husband is or how great my wife is. That ought to be the communication we have with the people we consider our friends. And again, the challenge for you is, is that how you communicate your marriage to others? Or are you criticizing your spouse? You know, which way is it? Like, you know, what kind of communication do you have with your friends? The fact that again, once again, he mentions his friends, he reminds me, you know, earlier when we saw Song of Solomon, you may recall which chapter it was, where he was celebrating his anniversary or the day of his espousals as the Bible put it. And the wife was talking to the daughters of Jerusalem. And it was highlighting her love for a spouse. And again, the fact that, you know, for the wedding anniversary, they mentioned that, or they make it known that they have a love one for another. And that ought to be you married couple. Like, you know, there's a reason why on Sundays, not only do we mention birthdays, but I ask, are there any wedding anniversaries? Why? Because that's your chance to say, yeah, it's my 10-year anniversary or whatever it is. And for everyone to rejoice, right? We give a little, hey, praise God, congratulations for your 10 years, whatever it is. Okay, because it's important. It's special. You know, 50% of marriages end in divorce in Australia. 50% of marriages end in divorce. And for those that get married a second time, 75% of those marriages end in divorce. You know, as God's people, we need to make sure that we celebrate our marriage. You know, I don't want our kids growing up and wondering, is it even worth getting married? What's the point? You know, my parents got divorced, or this family friend got divorced, or my grandparents got divorced, is it worth getting married? That's why it's important that we celebrate marriage in this church. That we speak highly of our spouses in the church. So our children are like, you know what, it's worth it. It's worth getting married. It's worth making those vows. It's worth committing my entire life to one person that I can love forever. And I'm going to tell my friends about it. That's a wonderful thing. So celebrate your wedding anniversaries. Look at verse number two. Now, as we read verse number two, I want you to notice that the rest of the chapter is a dream. Okay. The wife goes to sleep and she starts to dream. And this dream becomes a nightmare actually. Okay. So if you look at verse number two, she says, I sleep, but my heart waketh. Okay. Now you know what that means, right? You're sleeping, but your thoughts are still in your mind, right? In your heart or in your brain. And did you know on average, like everybody, everybody here, we will every night, every night that you go to bed, you will have an average of five dreams every night. I don't know if you know that or not. Five dreams. Now you won't remember. Like if you were to ask me pastor, what's the last dream you remember? I have no idea. Like, I feel like I'm that exhausted that I don't even remember. Like I would say I don't dream, but actually you do dream. It's just that you instantly forget it. Or sometimes I've had dreams and I wake up in the night and I go, oh, that was a good dream. And I start to try to remember the dream and then just, it just like disappears out of my mind. Have you had that experience? Cause when you dream, like when your body's rested at night, your body starts to heal itself because you're doing nothing else. So your body's using that time to heal itself and your brain's also processing information and trying to just, just the thoughts and things that you've been thinking about during the week or days. And it's, it's, uh, it's, it's kind of formatting your brain to remember the things that are most important and the things that are just rubbish. It's going to the, to the trash can. Okay. And during that process, uh, you know, you'll have several dreams, at least five dreams, roughly, you know, on average per night, you know, sometimes people say to me, uh, you know, pastor, what do you reckon? I've had this dream and it came true. Like, is that a message from God? Do I have a special, you know, ability to, to, you know, see the future. Some people say these things and if you're having five dreams per night in a week, you're having 35 dreams per night. All right. Let's say that's, that's one week. And then multiply that by 52 weeks in a year. I don't know what the calculation is there. Okay. Like think about the hundreds and thousands of dreams that you're going to have in your life. Okay. Tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands of dreams that you have. And let's say five of them come true. I mean, that means the other like hundred thousand dreams did not come true. So it's, you know, it's just, you know, there are things that you're going to think about that will come true. It's just a, just a, the ratio of life. Like, of course, you're going to have all these thoughts. Some things are going to develop and some things are not. So, you know, if you have a dream and it sort of becomes true, you go, I dreamt about that. So what? Okay. You've had another four dreams that night that didn't come true. Okay. So it's not some special gift that you've been given. But anyway, that's a side point. But look, it says in verse number two, I sleep but my heart waketh. This is what she dreams. It is the voice of my beloved that knocketh, staying open to me, my sister, my love, my dove, my undefiled, for my head is filled with dew and my locks with the drops of the night. So she has this dream and her dream is she's on the bed and her beloved, her husband comes and he knocks on the door. I don't know why he doesn't have the key. I don't know why he doesn't have access to the house, but he's like, let me in, my love, my dove, undefiled, let me in, I'm wet. I guess it's been raining outside or what have you, right? In the night, he's been out in the night, he's wet, let me in. And if you come with me quickly to Song of Solomon chapter three, I just want to show you why, like the difference with a dream and something that truly happened. In chapter three, there's a very similar story here. Song of Solomon chapter three, verse number one, I want you to see how she responds in chapter three and then how she responds in chapter five. And you'll see that, look, this is definitely a dream in chapter five, okay? Because in chapter three, verse number one, it says, by night on my bed, I sought him whom my soul loveth. I sought him, but I found him not. So this is her in real life, right? She went to bed, she goes, where's my husband? Okay, so she goes to look for him. Verse number two, I will rise now and go about the city, in the streets, in the broadways. I will seek him whom I so loveth. I sought him, but I found him not. The watchmen that go about the city found me, to whom I said, saw ye him whom I so loveth? It was but a little that I passed from them, but I found him whom I so loveth. I held him and would not let him go until I had brought him into my mother's house, into the chamber of her that conceived me. So I went to see her, her love for her husband here. She's like at night, she's ready for bed. She goes, where's my husband? She goes out and looks for him, finds the watchman, which like the policeman of that day. Have you seen the king? Have you seen my husband? She eventually finds him and brings him home. Okay, so that's her normal response. And again, this might be something that she's gone through in life. Now she's gone to sleep. And like, you know, the things that you've done in the week, like I said in the day, your brain is going to start thinking about it in the night. You're gonna have these dreams, okay? And they're going to be strange sequences in your brain. So we get to chapter five and something very similar happens, okay? He's outside, he's out of the night, okay? And he's wet and he wants to be let in, okay? Look at verse number three. She says, I have put off my coat. How shall I put it on? I have washed my feet. How shall I defile them? So the husband's right, let me in honey, let me in. She says, man, I've already gotten out of my clothes. Like I'm in my nighty, bed nighty, whatever. I'm in my pyjamas. Why should I, I don't really want to put on my clothes to go and open the door, okay? Because I have washed my feet. I've had a shower, I had a bath, whatever it is, right? I don't want to get up again and dirty my feet to go to the door and open to my husband. So it's like a completely different response, okay? With this. They're like, honestly, like for those that are married, even if you had a fight that day with your spouse and it's late at night and your spouse is like, look, I don't have the keys, let me in. Which of you guys are going to be like, oh, I wonder if I should let him in? I don't really feel like it. Obviously you're going to be like, no matter how bad things are going on in your marriage, you're going to open that door and make sure they can come in, okay? But she's wondering like, should I, I don't know. I don't really want to do this. Like she's comfortable in bed. I don't want to get out of bed. Kind of reminds me of times, not so much now, but mainly in Sydney because there's always a lot of noise at night in Sydney. There's always sirens, you know. I asked Tom, like, how do you like Sydney? He goes, well, it's really nice because you've got like all the shops and everything close by and he goes, but I keep hearing sirens every day. It's like, it's so loud in Sydney. All right. And I remember sometimes at night, you know, my wife would be like, oh, what was that sound? Did you hear that sound? All right. And there were times earlier in our marriage where I'd get up and pick up the baseball bat underneath the bed and look around, you know, what's making that sound. But there are times that you're just so tired, so exhausted. I'm like, ah, who cares? Like if someone's breaking in, they want to kill me, let them kill me. Like you're so exhausted. Like whatever, who cares? That's kind of her approach. She's like, ah, just, I can't be bothered to go to the front door and open the door for him. Look at verse number four. It says, my beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door. So it's trying to get in, like, I guess there's some type of hole, maybe he's trying to open it from the inside. That's the idea that I get. And then she says, and my bowels were moved for him. She goes, look, I finally, look, I've got compassion now. Like I better go open the door for him. Like he's desperately trying to get in. All right. Now, keep your finger there and come with me to Revelation chapter nine. Revelation chapter three. I don't want to get too sidetracked here, but you know what this story reminds me of a lot? Reminds me of Revelation chapter three, where Jesus Christ is speaking to one of the churches. And it says in verse number 20, Revelation 3 20. Like this worries me as a church pastor. This like, just these words of Jesus worry me so much. Cause he's speaking to one of his churches. He's speaking to one of the candlesticks, like a legitimate church. Okay. And look, New Life Baptist Church is a legitimate church. Okay. But he says this in verse number 20, behold, I stand at the door and knock. If any man hear my voice and open the door, I will come into him and will sup with him and hear with me. Why is Jesus saying that to the church? Guys, I'm outside. Let me in. Can I come into the church service? That'd be scary for me to think like, you know what Jesus Christ says, where two or three are gathered in his name. There is in the midst of them. Like I truly believe Jesus Christ is in the midst of us tonight. All right. I want to bless him. I want to praise him. I want to preach his word with, you know, where he can be rejoicing, you know, the truth of God being preached. And again, that gives me the fear. You know, I want to say the wrong things or teach the wrong things, but I would hate it for Jesus Christ to be outside. Like we're having service. It's just a social, it becomes a social club, right? Like we're going through the motions. We're having a social club, but where is Jesus? And you forget Jesus. The main person that this Jesus Christ is the head of this church, you know, he's the head of this church. How can we not have the head of the church inside the church? Just was it today or yesterday? Just recently I saw a, are you guys familiar with the Babylon Bee? It's like a satirical kind of Christian right wing website where there was a funny, like an art, a funny article that it's not real, obviously, but it's a funny article that they put on there that said, um, you know, some church, something like a church is sending a missionary to Joel Osteen's church because there are so many people that have never heard the name of Jesus. So, so they're sending this missionary to the missions field where no one said of Jesus, where Joel Osteen preaches. That's what, that's the idea, right? You go to Joel Osteen's church and you feel good, but where is Jesus? Did we learn about Jesus? No, we're going to send a soul winner in there to tell them about Jesus. I don't want new life to be like that though. What a scary thing. Now look, if you haven't got a good church in your area, I'm talking to my online listeners here, you got to find the best church in your area, okay? Find a church that's at least preaching the right gospel and teaching them the King James Bible, okay? Like to me, things in America are a bit different. In America, you've got an IFB church on every corner. Australia is not like that. There's only like 120 roughly IFB churches in all of Australia. There's not many, okay? And church attendance is so important. Like I appreciate our online listeners, I do. And I know that some of them just can't be at church, like whatever reasons, okay? It might be a health reason, might be distancing. There are factors that they can't and you know, that's why we have the online ministry to help these people at least tune in and hear God's word. But look, if you've got a choice of a church, just go, you know? And if they're preaching the right gospel and teaching King James Bible, go to that church, okay? You might say, but I don't really learn about Jesus. I don't get to hear much about the church. But we've got a church just like that in Revelation chapter 3. But notice what Jesus Christ says, Behold, I stand at the door and knock, if any man, this is individual, hear my voice and open the door. I will come into him and will sup with him and hear with me. Look, you might be going to a church and say, pastor, okay, the salvation's right. King James Bible is right, but we're just not learning anything. All right, why don't you invite Jesus in and why don't you sup with him? Okay, okay, the preaching's a bit watered down. Why don't you just open the Bible yourself and just start reading? Because these are the words of Jesus. Let me talk to Jesus. I'm not getting much out of church, but I'm going to sit there because I know Jesus wants me in church and I'm going to sup with Jesus. I'm going to read his word and I'm going to ask him to speak with me and we're going to have sweet fellowship at church, even if it's just me and Jesus alone. But this also tells me that, you know, we can be in a church where Jesus Christ is in the midst of us, but on an individual level, you may not be fellowshiping with Jesus. And you might be here going through the motions. Mom and dad made me come to church. I don't want to be here. You're singing the hymns, they're coming out of your mouth, the words, but you don't mean them in your heart. You're not fellowshiping with Jesus. You see, Jesus Christ wants to be in the midst of us as a church congregation, but he also wants to be in fellowship one with another. And so I wanted to leave you that thought as we go through this dream and the husband is knocking on the door to refuse to open. I'm too comfortable. Look, I hope you're not too comfortable at church. I hope there are times when we, you know, if Jesus is going to be in the midst of us, that we get a little bit uncomfortable, right? That we hear, you know, and we receive God's word when he steps on our toes a little bit, when it makes us feel uncomfortable a little bit. When I say to you, you know, husbands and wives, can you truly say to your spouse that this is my friend? And if that makes you a little bit uncomfortable, good. Okay. Just like the woman, hey, you need to get out of bed. I know you're comfortable in bed, but you need to get out of bed and open that door and fellowship with Jesus Christ. Make the changes that you need to do in accordance to the words that you see from his word. So let's go back there to Song of Solomon chapter five and verse number five. She says, I rose up to open to my beloved and my hands dropped with myrrh and my fingers with sweet smelling myrrh upon the handles of the loch. I opened to my beloved, but my beloved had withdrawn himself and was gone. My soul failed when he spake. He goes, man, I let him down. Like when I had the chance to fellowship with him, I let him down. She says, I sought him, but I could not find him. I caught him, but he gave me no answer. Now the dream starts to turn into a nightmare. Like he was right there and she opens the door and it's not there anymore. She goes, when I had the chance, when he was calling out to me and I was just too comfortable, I lost my opportunity. This again reminds me of church. We come to church and we hear God's word. You know, you know, if you hear something and you're challenged and you say, I need to make that change. You know what? Do it immediately or you'll forget, right? We had the teaching in the New Testament of the forgetful hearer. You know, we all have to be hearing about doers of God's word. And if we come to church and we hear something, well, that's a good pastor. Maybe I'll do it next week. Maybe I'll do it next month. By next month, you'll forget. By next month, it won't be there anymore. The opportunity to make that change won't be there anymore. You know, this reminds me of 1 Thessalonians 5, 19. I'll read it to you. Quench not the spirit. Quench is like to extinguish. You know, sometimes the Holy Spirit can be touching your heart, moving you in a certain way. And all too easy it is for us to say, I won't do it right now, Holy Spirit. You know, I've been convicted by something I've heard in church, but I'll just set that aside because it makes me uncomfortable. Look, we need to learn to be sensitive to the opportunities when we hear the voice of Jesus. When we feel the moving of the Holy Ghost. You know, to just, well, Lord, if you're leading me, if you're guiding me, I'm going to take that step in that direction. You know, stepping out in faith. You know, there are times in my life that I've quenched the Holy Spirit of God. I'll tell you one story and I've told the story before. But this story is, I mean, God's taught me a lesson with the story. So, you know, there was this time when before I was married, I was dating Christina. We went to a Westfield. We had to go to a post office. Back in the days when you need to photocopy, like you have to go to a post office to make photocopies and facts and things like that. Okay, so these are like the early 2000s, roughly. And we're in Burwood Westfield. So I think it has like three levels from memory. And not only did we go to the post office for that purpose, she needed to make some photocopies, but we just went, like we bought some ice cream, I think. And we're just having a date, walking around the shops, whatever it is, you know. And I remember Christina walked into a shop. It was like a female shop. And I just stood outside. I didn't want to go inside, right. But as I stood outside, there was another guy standing outside. And I looked at him. And I don't know what it is, but I just knew I had to give this guy the gospel. Like, this guy needs to get saved. I need to give this guy the gospel. Just something like, there's hundreds of people walking around, okay. But there's something in my heart that says, you need to give this guy the gospel. Anyway, I didn't. And Christina comes out of the shop. And we still walk around the shop, you know, Westfield, multiple levels. And it seemed like no matter what level we would walk, I'd walk past that same man time and time again, over and over and over. And I was like, man, I need to give this guy the gospel. Like, God's making it very obvious. He's making me cross this guy's path multiple times. Anyway, we did end up going to the post office, okay. And there was a lineup to the photocopy machine. There's a lineup. And so, you know, the photocopy machine is all, you know, we had to put money into it to make copies, okay. There was a lineup. And so we lined up and guess who was lined up right in front of me? Same man. And I was like, oh man, I don't have any church tracts. I don't have anything like, you know, valuable. So I'm not, I can't, I wasn't, you know, I wasn't in a position, like, I'm comfortable today to give the gospel to anybody, but I wasn't in that position back then. All right. And I remember just going, oh Lord, you're making this really hard for me. Like, you really want me to give this guy the gospel, must be. And then I was like, I was just kind of praying in my head, but I didn't know how to speak to him. Like, how do I start a conversation, Lord? I have no idea. Anyway, he ended up going to the photocopier and he put his money in, making his photocopies. And at that point I realized, oh man, I don't have change or, you know, Christina, do you have change? We need change to make photocopies. So I turned to Christina, look, we don't have change. And that man turns around to me and says, look, don't worry. I put too much money in this time. Like, I've got, I don't know how much money put into the machine. He goes, you can make free photocopies. So I'm asking God, God, how do I start this conversation? He starts the conversation. Did I give him the gospel? All right. I quenched the spirit. So I know what this woman feels like. I know what this woman feels like. When you get an opportunity to do something for the Lord, you get the opportunity to open the door for her husband. And when she finally decides to do it, it's too late. Look, I'm telling you now, church, if the Lord moves you, if he guides you, it makes it so crystal clear. You need to just pick up your bags and just go, Lord, where am I? Where do you want me to go? Lord, what do you want me to do? I had to make that decision for a new life at this church. Lord, where do you want me to go? Made it so obvious, I'll tell you in that story another day, made it so obvious that it's Sunshine Coast that you need to go. It's like, all right, Lord, I don't really want to go to Queensland. In fact, when I was, when I was talking to Christina about where we should go to start a church, we both agreed we're not going to Queensland. But the Lord said, no, you've got to go to Sunshine Coast. You've got to go to Queensland. It's like, all right. At that point, like say, so look, there's been times in my life when I have quench of spirit and it still makes me sad when I think about it. Okay. But it taught me a lesson. It taught me a lesson. Lord, if you make something clear to me, I want to just go in that path that you've directed me. Lord, if you've opened the doors, I've just got to take it. And before, because if I don't take it, that opportunity is lost. You know, when this woman answers the door, he's gone. That the opportunity to be a service to her husband is gone. Let's continue there. Verse number seven. So, you know, she's called out for her husband. Husband's not there. Verse number seven, the watchman. Now let's, before we keep reading, remember she came across the watchman in chapter three and she asked the watchman, hey, have you seen my husband? Well, this plays out again, but it's a nightmare. It says verse number seven says, the watchman that went about the city found me. They smote me. They wounded me. The keepers of the walls took away my veil from me. So she's like, oh, the watchman, the policeman, I'll ask them. So she goes to him and they start beating her up. It's a nightmare. Obviously they're not beating up the princess or the queen of the kingdom, right? This is a nightmare that she's having. So what developed in chapter three, her brain's kind of processing that again. It's some strange dream. I'm sure you all relate to this. You've had strange dreams and then you're like, sometimes you wake up and you're like, oh, I've got to tell my wife. And then you start thinking about the dream. That's such a stupid dream. It doesn't make any sense. It doesn't make any sense for the watchman to just beating up on this woman. And then verse number eight. We kind of have a new setting. You know, in dreams, like you have a setting. Like you're somewhere else and you haven't. It's like, it feels like a continuation of the same dream, but you're in a completely different location. Well, this happens for her in verse number eight. She says, I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, if you find my beloved, that you tell him that I am sick of love. So she finds other women. Okay. And she says, look, can you, if you find my husband, can you tell him, sick of love is, can you tell him I'm lovesick? Can you tell him that I love him? All right. Can you tell him that I'm sorry for not opening the door the first time, you know, for him to come back home? She feels horrible for not opening the door. Tell him that I'm lovesick. Is that how you feel about your spouse tonight? Are you lovesick? You know, what does lovesick feel like? I remember what it feels like when you're young, when you're a teenager and you can't eat, you can't do anything because all that's on your mind is, oh, that girl. Again, I think I've used this example. I'm going to Chile. The last time I went to Chile with my parents and my dad was like, you wouldn't talk to anybody. You wouldn't do anything. All that was on your heart and your mind was Christina. Maybe I get, I don't know. I don't remember that, but that's the perception that my dad had. That's kind of like lovesick. Like, and all you can do is think about this one person. Is that, is that your marriage? You know, is your spouse constantly like, you know, is your spouse constantly on your mind, constantly on your heart? You know, are the things you do, you know, for the benefit of your spouse? Is that how you think of life? I know it is for me when I, before I was a pastor, when I was working a normal job and I hated my job somewhat, but I'm doing this for my wife. I'm doing this to provide. I'm doing this to take care of the kids. I'm doing this to make sure she has everything we need that she can have an enjoyable life. And you know, mothers, when you're homeschooling and you've got, you know, kids and the difficulties of raising children, you know, you know what's going to help you when you go through those difficulties when you say, you know what, I'm doing this for my husband. You know what, I'm going to have a clean home. So when my husband gets back from work, he can just come home and relax. And I'm not going to, you know, complain about every issue. I'm not going to bring up every problem. He's just been out there eight hours, nine hours, 10 hours working a job. You know, I'm going to raise these kids so that we can enjoy them. We can rejoice in them as they grow older. Do it for your spouse. You know, do it for your husband. Do it for your wife. Be lovesick one for another. Verse number nine. So the daughters of Jerusalem, the other ladies, they respond to her. They say, what is thy beloved more than another beloved? They're like, what's so important about him? Like, why is he any better? Like you're asking us to look for him. Why should we? Why is he any better than any other husband? Now again, you still not, this is obviously still a dream because Solomon is the king. He's the most important man on the nation. Like you would not know what's so good about Solomon. Why are you looking for him? But he's like, he's like the king of number one. But why is he more? Why? Why is he better? O thou fairest among women? They ask. What is thy beloved more than another beloved? That thou dost so charge us. So you're commanding us to look for him and find him. And if you find him, you want us to tell him that you love him. Why should we do that? You know, why is he more beloved than another beloved? Now, you know what I take out of this? The women are less, again, it's a dream, right? The women are like, why is your husband better than our husbands? Why is your husband better than all the other husbands in the nation? Now, obviously, in reality, it's not, there's not like a better than other, you know, anything like that. We're not, you know, obviously, God is not a respecter of persons. But when it comes to our relationship, my wife is better than every other wife in this world. 100%. And your wife is better than any wife in the world. And your husband is better than any husband in the world. That's how you ought to think of your spouse. My best friend, my beloved, I'm lovesick. This isn't just honeymoon time. This isn't just the first year of marriage. This is all the days of your life, till death do us part. This is how you ought to think about your spouse. So the lady's asked, what's so good about him? Why should we help you find him? Or she then gives the response, why he's so good. Okay, and I guess how you can find him, this is how you can identify him. Verse number 10, my beloved is white and ruddy. The cheapest among 10,000. She says, look, he's better than 10,000 men. He's the most important, to me, he's the most important man. You put him amongst 10,000 people, to me, he's the most important. He's the cheapest. We learned something about his skin colour, his whites and ruddy. Ruddy is, means reddish in colour. Okay, now this has got to do just, you know, people that are more fairer skinned, more white will often have their pigmentations a little bit redder in the sense where, you know, if they kind of get embarrassed or, you know, yeah, embarrassed, you know, someone that's whiter will look more red when their face, you know, gets red or, you know, maybe when you get sunburnt and someone that is whiter is going to look a lot more red than someone that has a darker complexion. They're not going to look so sunburnt as someone that is white. And so she describes himself, him as being a very fair man. And this makes 100% sense because I'll quickly read to you from 1 Samuel 16. Don't need to turn there. 1 Samuel 16 and this is when Saul was directed by God to look for a new king and he came across David. David, of course, is the father of Solomon. And when he found David, it says in verse number 12, and he sent and brought him in. Now he was ruddy and with all of a beautiful countenance and goodly to look to and the Lord said arise, anoint him for this is he. So you see, King David was ruddy. Okay, so he's obviously passed that complexion down to his son, right, to Solomon. So she describes him and then she says, verse 11, his head is as the most fine gold. His locks are bushy and black as a raven. So Solomon's got black hair, bushy like thick black hair is what Solomon's known for. White skin and thick black hair. Okay, now let's keep going. It says in verse number 12, his eyes are as the eyes of doves by the rivers of waters, washed with milk and fitly set. I guess, what's the white part of your eye? What's it called? Does anyone know? Yeah, the whites. Anyway, the whites of your eye. I guess he's not like bloodshot. You know, he's probably well rested. And you know, he's got clear eyes. And the other thing it says that his eyes are fitly set. So what I get out of that is his face is, I think, symmetrical. Like, my face is not symmetrical. Like one eye is slightly smaller than the other. I don't know which one it is. Okay, like if you if you just separate my face from that side to that side. It's not exactly the same. Okay, so it looks like he's got a symmetrical fitly set eyes. Okay, verse number 13. His cheeks are as a bed of spices as sweet flowers. Now look, I don't know. Like the ladies have asked her, what's so good about him? Like, how do we identify him if you want to find him? What's up? I don't know how that's going to help with it. But well, could you imagine wives if you lose your husband, like a missing persons and you ring up the police missing persons report? What does he look like? Well, his cheeks are as bed of spices, as sweet as flowers, his lips like lilies, drop in sweet smelling myrrh. Like that's not going to help the police find your husband. But what do we see here? She loves his appearance. She's attracted to him once again, right? Like not only did we see earlier in Song of Solomon, the husband complimenting his wife for her looks. Now we have the wife speaking highly of his looks, what she likes about him. Okay. I've often heard it said that, you know, men look for a wife that they're attracted to physically and women find a man that they're attracted to in a personality. To me, it's all correct. Like, what we see here is a woman clearly attracted to her husband. You know, able to look at him go, man, he's a handsome man. I love the way he looks. I love his appearance. And, you know, I, like, I don't know. When it comes to doctrine, when it comes to thoughts and ideas, and I've shared with you guys that we need to be balanced, right? And I know we live in a world where like, the appearance, you know, is more important than character. Like, I understand that. I understand the pressures that women may feel when, you know, there are supermodels on magazines and it feels like there's a certain standard that they need to meet and sometimes as God's people, because we want to contradict, not counter that kind of, that kind of, what am I thinking, the unbalanced, I suppose, approach to, you know, appearance, we then say, well, appearance doesn't matter. But it does. Like, I'm attracted to my wife. I don't know how attracted she is to me anymore. Like, I put in a bit of weight and stuff like that. But, you know, I should, like, I shouldn't want to just let myself go and become, like, morbidly obese or something like this. Oh, who cares? She loves me for who I am. She ought to love me as well for my appearance. Like, there's nothing wrong being attracted one to another physically. But obviously when we talk about the Bible, more important than how you look on the outside is the person that you are on the inside. So, like, we have to be balanced about these things. We can't just say, well, the world just looks at the outside and all we need to care about is character. No, no, both things are important. Like, I encourage you young people, when you find someone to marry, you find someone that is personality, wonderful, beautiful on the inside and find someone that you're attracted to on the outside. Nothing wrong with that at all. I mean, that is biblical. That is right. And so she loves his appearance. Notice as well in verse number 13, at the end of the second part of it, his lips, like lilies, drop in sweet smelling myrrh. So what, like what we've seen before that he covers his body odor, but he also makes sure that he doesn't have bad breath. All right, like she smells his breath and wow, you brush your teeth, right? All right, you've, I don't know, you've used mouth spray or whatever it is. I don't know, like she's describing him, not just the way he looks, but also how he smells. Verse number 14 is interesting. His hands are as gold rings set with a barrel. She says his belly is as bright ivory overlaid with sapphires. Now, what I get out of verse number 14, you guys might think I'm crazy here, but his belly, okay, bright ivory overlaid with sapphires. Sapphire is a very strong rock. Okay. And it looks like if it's sapphires, Solomon's probably got like a six pack. And she goes, that's something I like about him. And like, this is not saying every man needs to get a six pack. Okay, like, all right. Pastors say we're going to hit the gym moving forward from tomorrow. And if you want to, that's fine. Maybe your wife likes your two pack. Maybe your wife likes your one pack. I don't know. But obviously, this is something that she's able to speak highly of. This is something I appreciate. Okay. And you'll see that it does refer to strength because the way it continues in this verse. But you know, when it comes to diamonds and sapphires, there's a rating, like diamonds are I think the strongest from what I understand the strongest. Is stones the right word? They're stones, aren't they? And they give diamonds the rating of 10 and sapphires the rating of nine. So it's a very strong stone. And that's what she says that his belly is like. Again, you can continue here verse number 15. You can see it's definitely about his strength. His legs are as pillars of marble set upon sockets of fine gold. So he's got very strong legs, right? He says his countenance, that's his face, his appearance. He says Lebanon, excellent as the cedars. I guess Lebanon is a beautiful place at this time anyway. The cedar tree, the forest, probably beautiful scenery. So she goes, look, my husband is beautiful to look upon. And he's strong. Okay. And so you know, she's just swooning about his appearance. Look, she's amongst the daughters of Jerusalem once again. She's not speaking badly of him. She's not criticizing him. She's not telling all the ladies how bad of a husband he is. She's finding the great qualities that she loves about him. Like, she could bag him out. Oh, he didn't wait long enough at the door. I went to open it, he disappeared. Like, if she wants to complain about him, I guess she can. I'm sure Solomon had his issues. I'm sure he wasn't the perfect husband. I'm sure it's easy for her to just complain about her husband. But she chooses to speak highly of him. Why for her, he is better than all the other beloved, she's better than all the other husbands that she knows of in Jerusalem. So, you know, both aspects are important. Appearance and personality. Verse number 16, she says, So, the mouth of being sweet, yeah, it can be sweet smelling savour or something like that. But also, we've seen how this language gets used earlier in the book. Speaking about, he speaks sweet words to her. Like, they communicate. They talk one to another. Like, she enjoys speaking to her husband. The husband's not putting her down. Husband's not criticizing her in her face. He's saying sweet things to her. That's why he says he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem. So she said, look, my husband is my friend. Wives, can you say that about your husbands? This is my friend. I share with him everything that I'm concerned about. All the things that I have. Or you're excited to just catch up with the ladies to talk about the things that you want to share. We need to communicate in our marriages. We need to speak one to another. And look, I'm not the best communicator. I'm not the best communicator in general. Like, I don't like to talk. So how do you preach very uncomfortably? I'm not, I'd rather, I'm an introvert. I'd rather just shut myself in my bedroom and not say a single word to anybody. Like, if I just wanted my own selfish, fleshly way of living my life. And so I'm not this perfect husband either, you know, but what I see clearly here is we need to be friends. You know, marriage is not a competition. And marriage is not where we go and complain about our spouses to our friends, the people that we consider friends. Now, we better make sure that our marriage is a friendly one. Or we can say, this is my best friend. Like, when I think about, like, who would I call my best friend? Set aside the Lord for a moment. Like, who would I call my best friend on the earth? It's probably someone you want to spend a lot of time with, isn't it? You know, the friendships that I enjoy the most are the friendships where we're different. I like dealing with different people. Like, I'm not the kind of person, I hear sometimes people say things like, I just can't make friends, there's no one like me. There's no one my age, and no one that shares the same interests as me. And you know what, if I'm your friend, and we just share the exact same interests, we have the same exact same thoughts, we live life exactly the same, we do the exact same jobs. Our friendship is going to get a bit boring. We've got nothing to really communicate. Like, it's the same thing. Like, we're on the same page. Even we bind with doctrine. If we're just exactly the same about everything, we see everything exactly the same. We have nothing to communicate with then. We have nothing to share. We have nothing to like benefit one from another. We're all on the same page. The friendships that I like the most, I learned this as years went by, are when friends are like completely different. And like, they've got interesting areas that I don't have interest in. And they'll share those interests and I can actually learn those things through a friend that has an interest or passion in those things. Otherwise, I would never have known that information. That's the friendship that I appreciate the most. The friend that goes, hey, pastor, I know you preached on that passage, but I see it a little bit differently. Not as a challenge, not as I've been rebellious, but hey, I see this. Well, that's awesome. Maybe you're right. Maybe there's something I can learn from you too. Praise God. I enjoy having other men stand behind this pulpit and preach God's Word, because I can learn too. Like, that's the friendship I appreciate. But you know what? Men, our wives are not men. Our wives aren't going to be interested in the hobbies that you love. They're very different. They're wired differently. They think differently. Okay, they're physically different. They're emotionally different. And you might say, oh, I just can't relate to my good, but you're not meant to. Like, you're not meant to marry another man. She's meant to be different. And like, my experience, like I said, the friendships that I enjoy the most, the communication I enjoy the most is when we are different. You know, there are things that the family, they don't think about that my wife won't think about, or the things that my wife would think about that I'm not thinking about. Even today, my wife approached me, I won't mention the topic, but she, you know, she said, look, you need to, you know, we need to deal with this. We need to address this. Well, I didn't even think about it. You're right. It is something we need to deal with. It is something we need to, you know, handle and, you know. But if it was just me and some other man, like, we wouldn't think about those things. Women are weaker physically. They're weaker emotionally, but that's not a bad thing. Like, being weaker in these areas are not a bad thing. Like, women are a lot more compassionate. They're going to be a lot more gentle with the children. You know, they've got that nurture about them that men don't have. And women are going to be overly concerned. Oh, did you know, you know, I read a book and by this time, by six months, our children are meant to be saying 50 words and ours are only saying 10 words. Oh, and they get worried about it. And, you know, that's how they are. Because there are times they're going to pick up on things that actually do matter that you'll never see, you know. We're just wired differently. And that's a good thing. You know, a wife is meant to be a help to a husband. And the husband is the head of the wife. But notice that they communicate. They speak, okay. I've used this before and what I'm going to tell you is common sense, right. I've managed big teams, okay. Lots of employees. And there are times when I had to make cost cuts, okay, or change the way we work because better efficiency has been more productive, whatever we need to do. So, we need to make changes in our structure at work. Now, I would be a foolish manager just to make a change from today to tomorrow and then expect my employees to just fall in line and just do what I have to do. If I had to make a significant change in the way we work, you know what I would do? I'd bring my supervisors into a meeting and I might bring some other key employees that might work really well and I'll be like, hey guys, look, we need to cut some costs. These are some areas that I've identified. We need to make these changes. We can do this or we can do that. We can do this. We can do plan A. We can do plan B. We can do plan C. Tell me what you think. Why would I ask the people under my authority so they can make the decision for me? No, because there are areas that I'm not going to know. Like, I don't do that job day in, day out. They do it and if I make this change, they'll be able to identify how that might affect them in a negative way. And if it causes problems, then okay, is there a solution or is there no solution? Is it a major mistake to make this decision? Let's not go that way. Maybe we go with plan B. Maybe we go with plan C. But common sense will tell you, if you're going to make a huge decision in the workplace that's going to affect all your staff, you want to make sure you bring them in, you hear what they have to say, and then as the manager, you make that decision. At the end of the day, you're making that decision. The call is yours. And like, we all know that's common sense. But it seems like in marriage, sometimes in Baptist churches, for a man to say, hey, let me just talk to my wife. Oh, what kind of man are you? Are you not an alpha male? Stupid. It's so stupid. Like, I've done this with church. Not even that long ago. We had a men's meeting. Why? There are some big decisions to make about church. I mean, I guess I could just make the decision on the spot. But common sense would be, hey, guys, what do you think? Here are some options with some thoughts. Let me hear what you have to say. You know, maybe there's something you guys can share that I haven't even thought about. It's good. Getting feedback. Again, anybody would say that's common sense. Then when it comes to marriage, why would you check the wife? I think that's stupid. Because that's my best friend. Why would I check with my best friend? It tells me, if you have that attitude, that your spouse is not your best friend. That's what it tells me. At the end of the day, with my family, I will make those hard decisions. It does fall on my shoulders. Whatever it is that I need to do. But I'd be a complete idiot if I made major decisions that affect my family. And I don't even speak to my wife about it. I might even include my kids in the conversation, especially if they're older. So they can give their feedback on something we're doing as a family. At the end of the day, it's my decision to make. Isn't that how you treat a friend? Don't you keep them updated with what you're doing? Things that might affect your family. You know, your life together. You know, again, I think sometimes that pendulum has once so hard. Like feminism is out of control. And I hate feminism. But sometimes in Baptist churches, we're like, oh, then we need to be like this other extreme. And who cares what the woman says? Who cares what the wife says? That's just as stupid as feminism is doing. It's just as stupid. They're extremes. It's not balanced. We need to be balanced Christians. And having your spouse as a best friend is balanced. Come with me to Proverbs 17. Proverbs 17. Proverbs 17, 17. We'll just end on Proverbs. You can stay in Proverbs. We'll just look at a few passages very quickly on friendship. Okay. I know I wouldn't read these passages. We think of friends like, you know, our school friends, our workmates and things like that. Maybe church friends. But I want you to think of these verses about your spouse. Okay. Proverbs 17, 17. Is that your marriage? You say, pastor, I've never stopped loving my spouse. Say, I don't know. There were times that I feel like I've lost my love. That you need to work at it. You need to make your spouse your friend. This is what a friend is. Someone that you'll love at all times. Like I said to you just recently, contacted my best friend from high school. I still care for him. The reason I contacted him, I found on Facebook that his sister passed away. So I felt sad. I felt burdened about that. So I reached out to him. Hey, still thinking about you. Haven't seen you in decades. But I'm still thinking about you. All right. A friend loves at all times. Look at Proverbs 18. Proverbs 18, 24. Proverbs 18, 24. Is that how you show yourself when you come home from work, men? Do you show yourself friendly to your wife? Or are you just stressed and burdened and leave me alone. Don't want to talk. I've had a hard day. I'm going to show you so friendly. Why? Same thing when your husband comes home from work. Do you have the list of 10 things that you want to complain about the house and the family? Or are you ready to just be friendly? You know, show me your appreciation. It says and there is a friend that's think of closer than a brother. Again, I'll tell you that my wife is that friend to me. She's more important to me than any other family member I've got. My wife is more important than my parents. My wife is more important to me than my children. My wife is number one to me. My wife is more important than, hope there's not offend anybody, but to my brothers, sisters and the Lord here. My wife is more important to me. Look at Proverbs 27, verse number nine. Proverbs 27, verse number nine. Proverbs 27, verse number nine. Ointments and perfume rejoice the heart. Just in case, body odor. Okay, I get that many passages about this. What's going to give your wife joy? Men, if you cover up your smell, but that's not so much a point. Build up the sweetness of a man's friend by a hearty counsel. Remember, I told you guys, if someone says, hey pastor, blah, blah, blah, about you. I say, look, I'm going to talk to my wife. I'm going to talk to my wife. I'm going to talk to my wife. If someone says, hey, pastor, blah, blah, blah, about you. I say, look, I'm going to talk to my wife about that. Pastor, can we catch up this week? Let me talk to my wife. She knows my schedule. She knows her schedule. I need to see if I'm going to be free on that day. Hearty counsel. Counsel is advice. Let me just check with my wife. Again, if you're like, that doesn't make any sense. That's what a friend does. You counsel, you advise one another. You speak one another. You give counsel and advice to each other. Please don't come up to me, pastor, help me raise my children. If you've not yet spoken to your spouse and got advice and counsel one from another. That's, that's your main friend. That's the one you go to. You know, I've been saying to you guys about the importance of knowing the difference between man's opinion and God's word. I've got a lot of opinions. I've got a lot of thoughts about how to raise a family, but that may not benefit you. You know, I strongly encourage husbands and wives. You put your head together. You say we've committed our lives one to another. We're a family. Okay. We need to make decisions that's best for our family. Not, oh, look how pastor does that. Let's do it. Like if that's your approach, oh, we do it because pastor so-and-so doesn't. I say, look, it's so foolish. Like you can't upload someone's life and download it into your life. There can be some good thoughts, some good advice, some good counsel from other people, but your best friend is your spouse. How do we raise our family together? How do we make the decisions that matter in life that also line up with God's word? Drop down to verse number 17, Proverbs 27-17. Iron sharpener iron. Is that your marriage? Do you make each other better? You make each other sharper. So man sharpener the countenance of his friend. The countenance again is your face. Do you sharpen the counsel of your spouse? The countenance of your spouse? You know, when your wife is cast down and sad and upset, are you the kind of husband that just walks up to your spouse and says, hey honey, just get over it. It's not a big deal. Who cares? Now, if you want to sharpen the countenance of your friend, of your spouse, honey, let me encourage you, right? We need to learn to encourage one another. To compliment one another. To love one another. I've said it before, so please don't get offended, but when I preach a sermon, the feedback that I appreciate the most is my wife's. If everyone says, pastor, that was the worst sermon you've ever preached, but my wife says that was the best sermon you've ever preached, I'm happy. It's true, right? Or someone says, pastor, that was a great sermon, and I don't hear from my wife. I'm like, honey, what did you think of the sermon? Because I'm trying to sharpen her and she's there to sharpen me. That's my friend. That's what a wife is supposed to do. That's what a husband, a marriage is supposed to do. Sharpen one another. Sharpen the countenance one of another. Lift each other up. The title of the sermon was This is My Friend, Song of Solomon chapter 5. This is my friend. Now you don't need to tell me, but husbands and wives, can you truly, in your heart before the Lord, say to the Lord, my spouse is my friend? I hope you can. And if you can't, don't think your marriage is on the rocks, and it's time to divorce, and blah, blah, blah. That's not wrong, okay? If it's not, say, well, how do we become friends? How do we find our love all over again? You say we lost our love. No, no, it's there. You just forgotten where it is. There's a reason why you got married. There's a reason why you said this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. This is, there's a reason why at the wedding altar you said I do. There was a love there. There's been a love and that love is still there. It's just that you've forgotten about it because of life, distractions, frustrations. It started to build a boundary around the love that you once had, but it's there. It's not gone away, it's there. So, you know, I'm not saying that, you know, if you don't have these qualities and you don't have the springtime marriage, you know, your life is on the rocks, your marriage is on the rocks, no. God gives us these words so we can be challenged. And then you come together with your friend, counsel, how do we improve our marriage? What do we have to do? How do we prioritize one before the other? You know, how do I prioritize you above everybody else? That's what marriage ought to be. This is my friend. Let's pray.