(Disclaimer: This transcript is auto-generated and may contain mistakes.)

Okay so I'm continuing our series on the family. We took a little break there just because I wasn't feeling 100% and Jason filled in for me last week so I appreciate that. In fact I appreciate brother Jason very much for making the journey down to Sydney. Honestly you know having a satellite church in Sydney is a big deal. I mean it's a long way to travel you know it's expensive there's cost and all there's all that involved as time and if I didn't have your help if I didn't have your support if I didn't have your prayers it wouldn't be possible you know that's the truth that's the truth so I really appreciate this church as small as we are you know a few of us aren't here tonight but as small as we are you know the Lord is using us to reach a number of people this church is a blessing even to people all the way to Sydney so that's a great thing but let's let's go let's look at Ephesians chapter 5 Ephesians chapter 5 verse 25 Ephesians 5 25 just that first bit there husbands love your wives the title of sermon tonight is love your wife okay love your wife and this is a sermon for husbands okay so if you're not a husband but you're a wife then listen up anyway because hey it's good for all of us it's good so if you have children if you have boys to raise your boys to know what it is to be a biblical husband it's good to raise your boys to know what it means to love your their wives when they grow up so they can honor and respect and follow the commands that we have in the Bible okay now the first thing you might be thinking if you're a husband that includes me as well is of course I love my wife of course I love her I married her you know we've been together for X amount of years you know we've probably had kids together all those kind of things the first thought is of course I love her that's not the question do you love her the question is are you loving her the way you ought to love her are you loving her the way the Bible teaches us how we ought to love her and it's a it's a very high standard very high standard I've heard women say it's not fair you know the wives are to submit to their husbands and the husbands just have to love them yeah but have you seen in what way they meant to love their wives the way Christ loved the church Wow the way Jesus Christ gave himself sacrificed himself on the cross for the church that same measure of love is how we ought to love our wives it's a big requirement it's a big commandment okay it's not just lovey-dovey feelings but the love of God in the Bible is more than just lovey-dovey feelings you know Jesus says if you love me keep my commandments love in the Bible always follows with the works we've doing the works for him okay and when we talk about loving the wife it's not the lovey-dovey feelings only but it's serving her loving her making sure she's a priority in our life lifting her up and honoring her as the wife of that belongs to us you know now one of the stupid comments that I've heard in church by people by husbands is well I would love my wife I would love her more if she was more submissive toward me because the Bible says there in verse 22 look at Ephesians 5 22 it first says wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord and then you get to verse 25 husband love your wives and the stupid argument I've heard by more than one person is well if my wife was just more submissive I could love her more there's a reason why they say God put the wives first to submit and then the husbands to love as though it's some sort of condition right I can only love her if she's first submissive to me but is that the love of Christ did Christ come lovingly sacrificing himself because we were first submissive to him no what does the Bible say you know but God commended his love toward us in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us I will sinners first we weren't submissive to the Lord we weren't trying to follow his commands you know but still God loved us so much to send his son to die for us hey the love bit comes first when it comes to this relationship between Christ and the church and that's the comparison now the other mistake that I see made quite often with this passage is because it uses the analogy of a husband and wife it's as Christ in the church I mean how many of you guys have heard the church is the bride of the Lamb or the bride of Christ you know the church is the bride and they take it where do they take it from you know where it's right here Ephesians chapter 5 even though Ephesians 5 does not even mention the word bride once okay now you say well hold on Kevin it's talking about a husband wife surely well then why are they saying the church is the wife of Jesus Christ you see but they just make things up because they've got something to go by the Bible tells us through the bride of the Lamb is in the book of Revelation we won't go there it's New Jerusalem you can read it for yourself very clear it's New Jerusalem heavenly Jerusalem that descends from heaven onto the earth during the new heavens and the new earth and of course we are going to be part of that you know the New Testament churches you know are going to be part of that New Jerusalem so in a way yes you know but you got to understand this is an analogy you know God is teaching us about how Christ loves the church by using the analogy of husband and wife okay it's an analogy it's to tell us a story okay it's to allow us to compare things and understand how much Jesus loves the church and then for us as husbands all right to go hey we need to love our wives the way Jesus Christ loved the church okay now I'll just quickly read to you 1st John 5 sorry 1st John 4 19 you don't need to turn there and we read this in the men's morning yesterday our Bible study if we love him because he first loved us we love Jesus Christ we love our Lord God because he first loved us and if you remember what we taught about the the institutions that we're going through to my the institution of the family who's the leader of the family who's the head of the family it's the husband it's the father okay if you're the leader that means you lead you take the first steps and you have others follow you so husbands what I'm trying to say to you is whether you're or not your wife is submissive to you you need to love her regardless all right I mean even you as saved people you know you still disobey God you you know you're still not 100% submissive to our Lord God because you still commit sin you still fail does that mean God doesn't love us oh they had they didn't submit this time so I'm not gonna stop loving them no of course not okay but the command is first it's coming from the husband you're the head you've got a lead you know if you want a submissive wife you're gonna love her all right that's gonna be that's step number one you want it to be submissive you've got to show her love now let me just say this if your wife is not submissive okay it's one of two things like I just said well first of all let me just say she just might be a stubborn woman that's a possibility okay we're going to be talking about wives next week okay she might just be a very stubborn woman it's something she needs to work on something she needs to get right with the Lord you know maybe she's backslidden from the Lord and that's preventing him from being submissive to her husband okay because it is possible for you to just be loving her you know doing everything you can and she's still so stubborn it's possible okay and that means she's not right with the Lord okay but more often than not you know wives want to be submissive more often than not they want to be submissive and it's just the reason why they're not submissive is just poor leadership being a poor husband a lack of love your wife is not feeling that now you might say of course I love my wife but she might not be feeling that okay she might not be seeing that she might not be receiving it there might be something there that you need to work on and again I'm focusing on the men today and I'm always going to take a harder position on the husbands and the wife always because you're the leader you're the head right I mean if someone in the church messes up you know it's bad but if a pastor messes up how much worse right when you're the head when you're the leader you've got to set the example you know you've got to have a higher standard you've got to strive you know for the high calling of Jesus Christ you know and if people are always complaining about their wife it just shows me you're a weak husband it just shows me you're a weak leader okay and more often than not you're just lacking the love toward your wife okay so let's get let's get through this let's have a look at this we're going to be spending most of our time here in Ephesians chapter 5 actually yeah pretty much all our time Ephesians 5 25 let's look at it again I've got I think it's five points let me have a look at that again yep I've got five points of how to love your wife how to biblically love your wife point number one is to love her with a sacrificial love sacrificial love meaning you're willing to give even yourself your own life you're willing to die for your wife point number one look at Ephesians 5 25 husbands love your wives even as Christ also loved the church how did he love the church and gave himself for it gave himself for it Jesus Christ was willing to die for his church to shed his blood to go for a gruesome death not just an average death but one that brings shame okay in reproach he took on the sins of the whole world he died for the church and as husband and look I think if I talked to most godly men and it I think even the unbelieving world will say to me if you ask them would you die for your wife like if there was a you know so you know there was a gun pointed at your head it's you or your wife would you take the bullet I think most men would say yeah you know I would take it right I would do that so you know some people might say yeah you know I'm willing to die for my wife you know why because it's kind of like if you died it's the end like it's finished and it's this brief moment it's this moment of of being a hero and and showing your wife how much you love her you know if you're able to I don't think that's ever gonna happen like it's probably a rare occasion where you have to willingly give up your life for your wife okay but in some ways you kind of do your whole life right in some ways you know when you take on a wife you are making a commitment for the rest of your life to look after that woman okay you're no longer a single man you're no longer just worried about your own things but you're going to I spend what you and we're gonna cover this you should be spending equal time with your wife as much as you would toward yourself we'll look at that later on okay but you need to be able to give yourself to this relationship give yourself to this wife I think most people are willing to die for their wife I certainly am I'm willing to die for my own children if I had to okay I'm willing to that especially as a Christian especially as a believer because you know where you're going right you know where you're going and it's better to be with the Lord anyway and it's such a great thing if you have to give up your life for your family I think it'd be an honorable thing a great thing okay that's point number one we won't spend too much time on that I think that's pretty crystal-clear it's it's a no-brainer most decent husbands would die for their wives point number two guys is to love her by providing safety and security wives need safety and security okay this is why they have a desire for a husband this is why they're looking for a man that will take ownership over them instead of their father because their father as we've already known will look after them will raise them right we'll give them a security will protect them wives are looking for the same thing from their husband look at verse 23 Ephesians 5 23 for the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church and he's the look at this and he's the Savior of the body the Savior we know Jesus Christ is our Lord we know he's our Savior right he saved us from our sins he saved us from eternity in hell now you may not have to save your wife in that sense you may never have an opportunity that you save her life okay but when you're saved what does that bring with it when you're saved it brings safety doesn't it it means you're safe it means you're secure okay you're safe and secure so you need to love it by providing safety and security okay and this is why I said to you guys it's so important that if you need if you're looking for a wife the first thing you need is to get a job you need to be able to provide for your family you need to provide for your wife so she has what she needs to feel secure to feel safe by your hands okay if you bypass the work you're gonna have a hard time finding a wife because they're gonna see that lack that that missing ingredient there you know and they're going to be drawn more to the men that can provide for them that can give them security okay it's important it's important to be working a job and being that provider your wife is looking for security from her husband stability you know you need to be that rock is that foundation Jesus Christ right here's the here's the foundation of the church is the head of the church as husbands we need to be that strong foundation for our wives okay we need to be a stable-minded right if you're coming up with some idea tomorrow and then you change your mind the next day it's like oh we're gonna do this I know we're gonna do that oh no we're gonna move overseas no we're gonna actually gonna do this you give it's going to make it very difficult right that's not loving your wife it's easy for men for us to just go and do that project and do this you know we have this sort of tunnel vision approach you know but you know wives are thinking of the children they're thinking of themselves hey how we're gonna provide what's the future gonna hold hey we need to be able to provide that we need to get in that safe secure hey when Jesus Christ saves us he gives us eternal security right we don't have to doubt that maybe tomorrow we're not saved it's the same thing your wife is looking for that security from you as a man that's another way of showing love toward your wife if you don't give him safety and security it's a lack of love you know when I first when we the house we currently are renting that we lived in before we came up here when we purchased that house you know it was the best that we could get but the front that there was this it's sort of there was this one front door and then on the sides there were these sort of glazed windows but it wasn't that great I mean it wasn't that glaze like you could you could walk up to it and see through straight into the living room right you could see the family if they were in the living room or doing whatever you know and my wife felt not safe right because Sydney is not the safest place to live you know especially Western Sydney there's a lot of crime there's a lot of break-ins and a lot of that stuff and so hey it was my responsibility to do something about that right I mean so we just got some double doors we got a carpenter to come in put in double doors we put a security gate as well there and then you couldn't see through the house right but hey that's my responsibility I ought to be giving her security and safety especially when I have little children around the house the amount of perverts and reprobates that are out there you know pedophiles that tried you know come in and try to take your children you know you've got to provide safety to your wife that's that's a way of showing love okay and if they're insecure if they're not feeling safe if they're not feeling grounded then you're not demonstrating love towards your wife okay now obviously I just want to point this out I'm not saying that you know we don't trust in the Lord for our safety okay of course you know I'm not trying to say to you that you know there's there's not a time I mean this is always a time there's always time to have faith in the Lord that he will protect us okay but you got to understand God has put you in that family God has given you that wife in many ways to be that security okay I mean if you can't defend yourself maybe learn how to fight a little bit learn how to punch a little bit I'd learn to be a little bit manly so if anybody ever comes and attacks your family you're ready for it okay I mean God has made man to be the stronger vessel okay it's easier for a man to have a fight it's easier for a man to push someone else away in case of danger we're just gonna keep this in mind we need to be able to love her yes that means putting yourself in danger for protection of your family as we saw even to the point of death if that's what it requires okay so you know your wife feels loved when they're grounded and stable when there's clear vision and clear goals for the family you know don't change your minds like from one day to the next they're gonna feel unsettled unsure of what's going on point number three love her by being the spiritual leader love her by being the spiritual leader Ephesians 5 26 look at verse 26 this is talking about Jesus Christ and the church that he might sanctify what does it mean to sanctify to cleanse right to sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word okay so when we wash with water we're cleansing if you've had a shower today and you were doing it to keep clean right to to get the dirt off you and this is what Jesus Christ does for the church he waters it he cleanses it he sanctifies the church by the water of his word okay and again the comparison of husband and wife what does that mean to you as the head of your wife it means you need to make efforts to sanctify your wife to cleanse her with the waters of God's Word you are meant to take a spiritual leadership position your home okay you need to teach your wife the Word of God now it's a good thing if you're if you're recently married and you have no children now you know your focus is on your wife you ought to open the Bible together you ought to read the Bible together and talk about what it says and teach what you can you say well I'm a new Christian I don't know we'll just teach what you can right you know if you're saved the Holy Ghost will teach you all these things that also means bring her to church right bring your wife to church like if you can't do it then bring him to church you should be bringing to the church anyway so they can learn and grow okay and then God adds to the family slowly who had one child then the other child and the other child but hopefully you've done enough groundwork with your wife that now she's ready to be a good godly mother spiritual mother to her children as well you've got to take ownership of this okay you're the spiritual head of your wife you know is Jesus not always there for us is God not always there for us to guide us in our spiritual walk we don't know what the Bible says we can always ask him for questions can't we you know we might be lacking a bit of direction in our life we can pray to the Lord ask Lord please please guide me to know the truth please guide me in your word to find this answer hey that's what we ought to be like toward our wives you know willing to answer the questions that might come you know her way and teach her this is the training ground this is why the qualifications of a bishop is to have that you know husband of the one wife and the faithful children is because a lot of the teachings should have already been done in the family all right and the stuff that you taught your wife and kids and I do this a lot a lot of the things I taught my wife and kids I'm teaching you guys I really spent the time studying that I really spent the time teaching it right that's where the practice comes from not from Bible College from training and teaching your wife and children you are responsible for your wife's spiritual development look at verse 27 so why does he wash why does Jesus wash the church by the water of the word verse 27 that he might present it to himself a glorious church not having spots or wrinkle or any such thing but that it should be holy and without blemish now if we just took those words kind of like not having spot like if I'm talking to a woman here and I said to you hey you know you shouldn't have a spot or wrinkle or no blemishes she's gonna think cosmetics like she's gonna think makeup right to fix up her appearance it's kind of that same idea right it's kind of that same idea you know we start with our defects and our weaknesses but the Word of God should make us more pure right should help us overcome sins and and the weaknesses that we have in our lives okay I'm not talking about the outward appearance here all right we're talking about the spiritual growth of your wife because we ought to want our wife to be presented to us without blemish and blame without blemish without spot or wrinkle hey that's our work guys I don't know if you if you know this or not but husbands if your wife is lacking in spiritual areas of a life you need to work on that you know you you need to make it a practice to take the Word of God and guide your wife and show her what the Bible says about these certain things and you know why we don't do it because more often than not our wives will get offended by us they'll get offended but look if you're a wife let me just say don't get offended if your husband does that if they bring the Bible to you and try to help you develop and grow it's not because they've been critical well in a way they are but it's the donut because they love you okay this is what we're learning how Christ loves the church none of us doubt Christ's love for the church so if we do the same thing as husbands it's because we love you we're trying to do you know emulate how Jesus Christ loves the church we're trying to emulate that in our lives without with our wives okay so please you know wives whoever's listening to this if your husband comes with the Word of God don't get offended it's a gesture of love it's love okay they're lovingly guiding you using the Word of God and use the Word of God by the way use the Word of God otherwise yeah it's gonna come across as you just being overly critical and whatever hey but it's our work our job to to nourish our wife to look after her spiritually as well not just physically but spiritually you know and you know you might say well you know my wife is not as spiritual as me you know I'm getting into these deep and and and you know heavy doctrines my wife still you know a baby cry it's your responsibility to get her at your level all right it's your responsibility to take her teach her and not complain that she's not up to that level okay that's your responsibility right I mean a teacher doesn't blame the kids if they're struggling not the teachers there to guide them to train them to teach them same thing it's your responsibility as a husband to teach your wife and you know you might say another thing another excuse and look I've probably used this excuse before all right is well if only the pastor preached more on X Y Z whatever it is right my husband or my wife needs to hear more about this topic why doesn't the pastor preach more on that well maybe there's some truth to that right if your past is not doing a win a well-rounded doctrines not trying to teach the whole Bible and they're just focused on you know on on milk of the Word of God yeah maybe that's a that's a complaints that you could have but again if your past is not doing it who's the head of the family who should be doing it the husband okay if the past is lacking in area husband you pick it up and you train your family you train your wife okay don't use the excuses that I even I've used in the past okay now one question that comes my way a bit is because you know there's no perfect there's not always this perfect scenario where the husband's necessarily knows more of the Bible than the wife in many cases the wife has been saved longer than the husband in many cases the wife knows more about the Bible she's more spiritual she's walking the Lord more than the husband and one question that's come my way quite a bit is you know what if what if my wife knows more than me right how can my husband be the spiritual leader if you know he doesn't know as much as I do or he's just a new Christian he doesn't even know that much it doesn't matter even if you don't know that much you're still the leader you're still the head of your home okay now I'll tell you what makes good leadership what makes you a good leader is learning how to delegate I mean a classic example right I couldn't go to Sydney this week so what did I do I delegated that responsibility onto Jason Jason went out does that make me any less of a leader of course not okay and good leaders will see qualities in their you know in their people and use those strengths that the others have right a good leader doesn't always know more than the others a good leader doesn't always isn't always stronger on some areas than others I used to think that I used to think what it took to be a good leader was to be better than everybody else no what makes a good leader is to be able to identify the strengths that other people have and use them for those strengths okay and look if your wife knows more than you on the Bible then use her strength alright but you still be the leader you still say honey after dinner tonight at 7 p.m. the fan is gonna get together we're gonna open the Word of God we're gonna sing a hymn and after I read that chapter if I'm struggling with it then you feel free to you know you know share your thoughts on that chapter you know I recognize you've been saved longer I recognize you know the Bible more but I'm still going to lead this time of spiritual learning okay that's fine nothing wrong with that nothing wrong with delegating nothing wrong with using your wife strengths if she has you know but you only fail as a spiritual leader when you don't do that when you don't make a time in this side hey as a family let's open the Word of God and and read and sing hymns this praise the Lord at home and by the way just as a side thing if your kids struggle in church see teach them at home teach them to sit still at home sing hymns at home teach them to be quiet at home and then when they get to church it's normal that they're doing that every week at home you know and then the expectation is at church they'll be the same you know but anyway that's just a side note let's look at let's have a look oh yeah just one more thing by the way just just one little word of caution so if you are the leader of your home and you should be as a husband and you delegate some of that responsibility to your wife to teach the family that's fine but again be careful because first Timothy 2 14 says and Adam was not deceived but the woman being deceived was in the transgression okay so one thing you need to understand and I think this is just a general I mean think about think about when you go so winning think about when you go door to door so winning of course we see both men and ladies get saved but wouldn't you say it's more often the ladies they get saved wouldn't you say it's more often the ladies that are willing to have that spiritual talk you know so I mean that's good that's a good thing but again if they're more willing to have that spiritual talk with you then what about when the Jehovah Witnesses knocks on their door what about when the Mormon knocks on their door don't you think they're gonna be more willing to have that spiritual talk with them as well of course and why do you think Satan went after Eve do you think Adam would have put up with a serpent telling him what the Word of God says no way right Adam I don't know maybe they couldn't die back I don't know I was gonna say Adam would have stepped on that you know that snake and you know got a shovel and not but probably not right but um you know Satan would just have been like you know snake shut up you know God told me himself you know that you know yeah you know you're just bringing deception or whatever but Eve she spent time she decided to listen to what the serpent had to say and she was deceived so just be mindful of that just be mindful yes it's fine to let your your wife take some teach to teach in the family okay we're not talking about the church we're talking about in the family but you're the leader you're delegating that responsibility that's fine but also be aware that she is also easier to be deceived than you in the scriptures it's just a spiritual truth okay all right so point number four guys look at Ephesians chapter 5 verse 28 Ephesians chapter 5 verse 28 love her as much as you love yourself love her as much as you love yourself Ephesians 5 28 so what men to love their wives as their own bodies he that loveth his wife loveth himself for no man ever yet hateth his own flesh but nourish earth and cherish earth it even as the Lord the church for we are members of his body of his flesh and of his bones so I used to struggle with this verse actually verse 28 so ought men to love their wives as their own bodies I used to struggle this because you know I feel like I don't really take care of my body all that much like you know when I had work and I'd get up you know maybe have a shower put a little jelly my hair is probably the most I would do to look look look you know you know what's the word I'm looking for respectable whatever and and I'd go to work like I wouldn't really care that much about myself you know I don't I don't really look after I probably should be looking after what I eat a bit more than what I do right and I used to be like look after myself for that much you know surely I've got to love my wife more than I then I look after myself but it started to come clear it to me later on but let's have a look at this in verse 29 it says for no man ever yet hateth his own flesh but nourisheth it and cherisheth it so when it's all that nourishing your flesh obviously when you're hungry I mean every man does this right when you're hungry you go looking for food you eat okay you look after your body and you cherish it right if you're cold you put on Cameron you're rubbing your stomach there but when you're cold you put on a jacket you put on something warm right you look after yourself you look after your body it's more than just how you appear but you really do if you have a need if you've hurt yourself you go and try to heal that wound right you don't just let that wound open fester with infections and whatever you look after your body and God is saying hey as much as you look after your own body that's how you ought to look after your wife now let me give you some ideas of this okay because don't think about just a physical body but think about expand your thoughts a little bit on this okay because men are actually able to look after themselves a lot more than you think okay as men we're good at fulfilling our passions and desires our hobbies right again that tunnel vision we have something in mind and we're good at doing it okay I mean we can literally spend thousands upon thousands upon thousands of dollars on some old car you know if you're into cars you know and fixing it up you know I've seen men do this you know it's some old beat-up car but it's their hobby it's their love and when I've asked them how much have you spent on that $20,000 like what you know the car's not even worth that much right but it's a hobby they spent thousands because why that it's it's entertaining for them right it's something they're passionate about they seek to go about and accomplish this project you know I went Calum's not here but I went soloing with Calum and there was this man that led us into his house and he showed us his um train his was it was a like a model train set he had like a whole train thing and you know it was pretty nice you know I've seen nicer ones and he said to us I've spent about a hundred thousand dollars on this like what a hundred thousand dollars on toys on toys I mean we can it's hard enough to save up that money just to have a deposit for a house or something and he's spending that on toy trains you know in fact before we came up here I took the the key I don't know if you remember these kids I took him to like a train like a train show it was all these toy trains as well and I was thinking when we get there maybe I'll buy them a train set maybe I'll buy them and it was like $5,000 for a train like what in the world you know there's no way we're going to enter into that hobby that we can't afford it we can't even afford a train you know but you know we spend a lot of time we spend a lot of money you know not just money but hours upon hours upon hours on our projects that really don't mean anything for eternity you know you know people spend hours and hours watching sports you know men are good at that hours and hours and hours every week watching their favorite team playing sports it's just a waste of time but they're doing it they're doing it for their own body they're doing it for their own pleasure they're doing it for their own entertainment you know going to the gym watching sports all these kind of things and you know what I think it's natural for a man who's worked you know eight nine ten eleven twelve hours in his day to like get home and be like oh man I just need to blow a bit of steam off of it you know I've just been at work all day I can understand that because I've been there right and you come home especially if you've got a home full of children it's like oh no maybe it's a little bit easier even at work they're coming home and dealing with the kids you know and I can understand it right but here's where the disconnect happens you know and and I'm sharing this because it's happened to me you know it's I'm not saying like where you know you know you've worked you know I'd say 12 hours you come home you're tired you kind of don't want to talk you just want to just relax but your wife has spent those 12 hours without you looking after the family raising the kids look at and they want adult stimulation they want to talk to you because they spent all day talking to little children they want to interact with an adult but then the husband comes home it's like I don't want to talk and I've just spent this many hours at work and okay it can happen from time to time but then you have one day go past you haven't talked you got another day to pass becomes weeks becomes months and all of a sudden it's like you don't even know each other right it's a dangerous thing what I'm trying to say here guys I'm not against blowing off a bit of steam I'm not against having your hobbies and having a bit of passion and all those I think it's healthy for you I think it's healthy for your mind to do these kind of things but love your wives as your own bodies now this is what I'm trying to say to you if let's say the way you blow off a bit of steam and spend a bit of time is you go on YouTube and you know see watch a bit of videos and you're there for an hour just watching the latest videos or whatever you spend an hour for yourself right then what I'm trying to say to you is you now need to give your wife an hour of your time okay your wife deserves that hour as well okay because if you're able to love yourself enough to give yourself an hour of computer time or whatever and you're meant to love your wife as you love yourself your own bodies then you need to give your wife an hour of your time okay this is the balance this is the balance guys whatever you do for yourself you say honey I just need to get out of the house a little bit get away from the kids get away from family that's fine but understand you need to afford your wife that same opportunity for her to get out once in a while honey I'll look after the kids today you've had a hard day I'll watch them you go out with your friends whatever you guys have you know have a good time even better than that hey honey how about we go on a date if you got someone that can look after your kids instead of you having to spend your own hour and then making that up with your wife just do it together right to take her out on a date you know make it special if you ideally if you've got someone that can look after the kids you got no one to look after the kids all right bring the kids along right you're a family this is what you want so this is what God wants for you right it's for you to spend time your family you know don't become you know a father that's completely disconnected from his wife and kids it's just gonna cause you problems for the rest of your life okay it's going to cause your wife to think I don't even know this man I I knew him when I married him but I don't know him today and look we all change we all grow we all develop that's part of life but if you're not spending that time evil your wife she's gonna get to the point where she doesn't even know who you are anymore because you haven't had that communication she hasn't you know you haven't spent time with her so please this is what I what this is this is what I truly believe it means if we love ourselves enough to go after our passions to go watch a soccer game this is me right for two hours then I ought to be like hey I need to give Christina two hours of my time you know I've done this for myself she needs my attention I should go out there and entertain her right whatever it takes and spend time with my wife this is very important this is showing that you love her because if you don't do that you're just showing that you love yourself and you're not loving her as much as you love yourself okay I actually think this point point number four is probably the hardest point for us as men I think this is the hardest one for us to do okay and I'll just quickly read to you Colossians 3 19 husbands love your wives and be not bitter against them be not bitter against them right don't don't say harsh words to them or you know sometimes you might say words but between the lines you know you had to dig at them you know don't be bitter and look again I've had hard days at work frustrated under pressure and I've come home and unfortunately I've brought that pressure you know to my wife or to my kids you know I should be angry at my work situation but I'm bringing that to my family it's wrong shouldn't be shouldn't be lightweight okay you know we shouldn't be bitter to at our wives hey they work hard raising a family is hard work looking after the house is hard work okay preparing a meal takes time okay sometimes they don't have all the ingredients they need to go out and get all that stuff and now they don't have time to do this some of the other tasks around the house look they're working they're working just as hard you need to afford them time communicate with them love them as much as you love your own bodies don't be bitter against them and the fifth point that I have is love her by keeping her involved love her by keeping her involved look at verse 31 Ephesians 5 31 for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall be joined unto his wife for they too shall be one flesh so important you're a team you're together it's not about look your married life shouldn't be I do my thing she does her thing that that is not being one flesh that's not being one team look at verse 32 this is a great mystery but I speak concerning Christ and the church nevertheless let every one of you in particular so loved his wife even as himself and the wife see that she reverence her husband you know so God created your wife to be your help we know that right Genesis 3 I helped meet for Adam Eve was you are a team you're meant to do things together okay how I mean if you're doing things separately how is she helping you okay and you know this a team can accomplish more than one singular person can do okay so if you want to reach your goals you want you have this these goals in your life whatever they are you're going to be more successful at it if you have your wife by your side achieving those things and she's going to feel loved being by your side knowing what your goals are being involved in your life you know being able to help you with those goals you know you know a team can achieve more than the individual and men sometimes we can lack communication with our wife we can lack telling them what our goals are what our plans are and even I got to a point in my life where I I quit my job because I had been working pretty much nine years long hours and I realized wow where I started nine years ago with no kids nine years later with I don't know how many we had then six kids life had changed right for us but we I hadn't sat down my wife we haven't got together and said hey what is the next chapter for our life what are we working toward now yes nine years ago we got to where we are now but where are we going moving forward you need to keep your wife community in communication so she can help you she's there to help you you know I've heard stories of I know this fab this couple I had their friends of mine but anyway I don't think they're listening online so but you know he he bought a house in the Northern Territory and then he's like my wife didn't know and then he's like all right honey we're setting up we're moving to the Northern Territory she's like what in the world like no idea at all about these plans we talked about the stability and the security not knowing lack of communication oh but I'm the man of the house you know it's my it is his decision but it's also his command to love his wife keep her involved make sure he communicates show love to her this is not love right just changing things like that move into another state to a quite a barren state and and changing things up like that without even having talked to his wife it's wrong it's a team your one flesh don't be doing your own thing without letting your wife I'm not saying get your wife's permission but at least inform her so what's going on okay be that team and you know listen to her needs listen to her needs and her cries for help women are not like men have you learned that yet I don't know if you know I'm still learning that I'm still learning that right because if a man needs help you know some let's say Matthew needs help you'll be like Kevin I need some help I've got this situation what should I do not wives are not like that okay they'll say something and it's like is she being critical of me but it's a cry of help and maybe maybe we take offense to us like why is she saying that you know it's just saying I'm a bad husband hey maybe she's saying I need a help in this area you know can you please leave me can you please guide me can you please provide some sort of guidance right and we're a team okay and I'm sure husband I'm sure we all experience this right wives communicate differently to the way we would like it okay we've got to sometimes just read between the lines and you know you know honey you okay yeah I'm okay no she's not okay okay there's something behind that and you need to work that out okay anyway if you're a team keeper involved keep communicating with your wife women need to communicate a lot more than men you need to get that information out of them compared because just you know your your friend your best I'm just gonna tell you you know the situation why is you kind of have to dig that out of them a bit more let me just quickly read to you guys from 1st Peter chapter 3 verse 7 1st Peter 3 7 it says likewise ye husbands dwell with them according to knowledge giving honor unto the wife hey give honor unto your wife honor your wife lift her up if she's a godly woman if she served you today if she's looked after the children if she's homeschooled the children give her honor encourage her praise her love her that's how you give her honor you love her show her your appreciation as unto the weaker vessel she's weaker than you guys physically she's weaker than you spiritually she can be deceived she's weaker in that sense as well you gotta look after her nurture her love her honor her and then says this has been heirs together of the grace of life you and your wife are heirs together okay the institution of your family is a work you do together it's not like honey you look after the family I'll go do my thing no your heirs together your team your one flesh she needs you and and you need her to work together to be able to accomplish more in your life and then it says this as being heirs together of the grace of life that your prayers be not hindered you know if you're a husband and you're like it seems like God's not answering my prayers for some reason it seems like my prayers have been in a being hindered it seems like I'm going backwards in my life why why aren't I achieving why aren't I moving forward in my life I would just say to you how's your marriage all right how's your marriage maybe the Lord is hindering his prayers to you because you're not looking after your wife you're not loving her you're not honoring her the way you ought to you're not giving of yourself you're not loving her the way you love your own body as much as a Christ loved the church these are this is an important thing you know this is important we can't expect us to have these spiritual victories in our life when our marriage is falling apart when our wives has lost respect for us when our wives don't know that we love them okay you want to be a successful Christian a spiritual man see souls saved do great things for God you need to have a good marriage you need to love your wife that's that's what you need to be doing okay simple things there's the simple things God has given man to do we need to achieve that we need to love our wives and so you know are you loving your wife I just leave you with that question are you loving your wife say yes of course I'm loving you are you loving her as much as Christ loves the church that's the question you know so in conclusion I'll just give you those five points again love her with a sacrificial love love her by providing safety and security love her by being the spiritual leader love her as much as you love yourself and love her by keeping her involved you're a team okay let's