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into all the king's provinces into every province according to the writing thereof and to every people after their language that every man should bear rule in his own house and that it should be published according to the language of every people it's all bow your heads and have a word of prayer thank you lord for bringing us here together on this sunday morning on this snowy day lord we ask you to please fill pastor with your holy spirit as he comes forward to preach your words to us lord and lord we ask you to please give us all ears to hear and hearts to take the take the message gladly and lord we love you and in jesus name we pray amen all right amen so esther chapter one what i'm preaching about this morning is the subject of marriage the subject of marriage some of you are excited some of you aren't so i can see that already by your uh the looks on some of your faces but uh you say well i'm single or i you know i'm not married yet don't worry i'm gonna attack you next week so i will rip your face off next week i promise you that is a fact but the title of the sermon this morning is marriage war and peace and the reason why i started in esther chapter one is because it's a perfect example of a marriage that we get to see in the act of war that never resulted in peace and the reason why obviously if you read the chapter is because they followed the wisdom of the world right one spouse makes a mistake the other guy's like hey let's just get rid of her right that's basically the wisdom of the world there you know if it's not working out or if i just don't feel like i'm a good fit for my spouse i'll just leave them right and there's no consequences because that's the culture that is bred into our society today that if it's not working out you can just leave your spouse and just go find somebody else and look if you're divorced remarried i'm not mad at you um you know it is what it is you know the person that you're married to right now god wants you to stay married to that person amen and so just to start this thing off here i was looking up statistics about divorce rates and i read a couple that were interesting one said that the divorce rate among highly educated and wealthy couples is 11 while the divorce rate for lower income couples is 17 percent you say well are the rich you know smarter than the poor not necessarily maybe a little bit so here's how that works right you know and i thank god that i'm in the service industry because i get to see this firsthand the rich people tend to be smart with their money right so when a rich couple gets to a certain point where they decide they don't want to be with each other anymore they don't want to be married a lot of times they just mutually work out an agreement to stay married so that they can keep their finances and not be you know looked down upon which leads into the next point a lot of rich people are very concerned about their image right whereas middle class maybe poor people they don't really care they just see no way out they don't have the wisdom of god and so they just said let's just go to court and just get divorced right that's my opinion that's why i think it's higher amongst the lower income couples and of course the the marriage divorce rate in america i guess is 40 50 depending on which article that you read but i did read one recently that was done last year that said that it's actually going down right and this article is like oh you know thanks to the millennials the um the divorce rates are going down but when you keep reading you discover they're not getting married anymore that's why it's going down okay you can't tell me that dr phil and oprah are fixing this country because i'll tell you what that is not true that is not going to happen if you want to run a good marriage which hopefully everybody in here does you need to follow the wisdom in this book right if you're young you're not married yet pay attention because someday you will be lord willing right and you want to avoid the mistakes that you've seen and heard other people make and that you read about especially in the bible right you want to learn these things these things are written for your admonition and for your reproof for your correction so that you don't make those same mistakes and so let's start with that so look down at verse number one it says now it came to pass in the days of a hazardous uh this this is a hazardous which rained from india even to ethiopia over 107 and 20 provinces that in those days when the king a hazardous sat on the throne of his kingdom which was in shushan the palace and so it basically sets you up with some information here saying this is the a hazardous that ruled over 100 over 107 and 20 provinces because there's probably another a hazardous if you study the old testament like we've been doing uh like we did last year right you'll learn that a lot of different kings and stuff like that they had the same name so the bible is careful to give you specific details here so that you don't get confused you say why is that important so that you don't get hoodwinked by false doctrine right by history by the the secular uh false information that's out there and then it just kind of goes on to show you here that you know they've got a time of peace in the kingdom right they've got a lot of pomp they've got a lot of uh a lot of money a lot of wealth and they're gonna have a feast and this feast just so happens the last 180 days you know it's a pretty long party right you know and they're not just treating the nobles and the prince as well they're treating everyone well because by the time you get down to what is it verse number eight let's see here look at verse number eight it says now back up to back up to verse seven it says and they gave them drink and vessels of gold the vessels being diverse one from another and royal wine in abundance according to the state of the king and the drinking was according to the law none did compel for so the king had appointed to all the officers of his house that they should do according to every man's pleasure and so what's going on here the law during this time uh basically said that you weren't supposed to go and compel somebody hey drink a few more drink a few more you know when it was enough it was enough and i'm not endorsing drinking i'm just simply saying what's going on here in this passage but it says that after that feast that they made a feast for those of small stature or not small stature but basically the common man small and great and you can see right here as i mean you're not even 10 verses into this chapter and you can already see the fracture in the marriage between a hasris and vashti right look she didn't just blow up and decide to refuse his commandment just because of this one event i think this has probably been going on for a long time if you really think about it what's going to happen if you neglect your spouse those of you that are married i mean this is 180 day feast here and it seems like okay at the end he's like go fetch me my queen so i can show everybody how good looking she is i mean how do you ladies how would you feel if that was you not very well right but it just just from the context here you can tell that's the attitude that he had right focused on the physical what can you do for me and i'll tell you right off the bat that is not a recipe for a successful marriage okay now look at verse number nine so we see that they're doing separate things right which isn't always bad i believe that it's good to have a little bit of time apart so you can appreciate the time you have together and sometimes after you've been married for a while you'll you're really gonna want some time apart i'm just teasing look at verse nine it says and uh also vashti the queen made a feast for the women in the royal house which belonged to king he hasris now verse 10 it says this it says on the seventh day when the heart of the king was married with wine he commanded uh mehiman bistha harbonah bigtha and abaktha zithar and carcass the seven chamberlains that served in the presence of hasris the king to bring vashti the queen before the king with the crown royal to show the people and the princes her beauty for she was fair to look upon turn to first corinthians chapter number seven so here you have it you know 180 days plus you know the feast for the nobles the princes all the people the feast for those that are of you know great wealth in the kingdom those who are just basically workers servants you know they're blessing all these people but what you got to understand here is they're doing it at the expense of their marriage right they're doing it at the expense of marriage he has was so busy trying to please his people right and show his power and his pomp and everything that he completely neglects his wife right and i'm not saying that her attitude here is right because it's not we're going to see that here in a moment but that's the result of you know bad communication in a bad understanding of how to treat your spouse when you neglect your spouse problems arise okay so you're there in first corinthians chapter seven i've got four points for you this morning about marriage hopefully you can remember these uh if you have something to write on that probably be a good idea or at least just listen and really take this stuff in okay we as god's people cannot afford to have a church full of people that have marriage problems right we just can't do it and look everybody in here from time to time is going to have fights you're going to have problems with your spouse that's just life man as long as you're wearing this old man you're going to have problems okay but we should never allow those problems to turn into a war that eventually never leads back to the road of peace right we need to learn to maintain peace and our relationships so point number one is this you are both responsible to uphold and protect each other's emotions let me say that again you are both responsible to uphold and protect each other's emotions did you see that anywhere in chapter one between a hasris and vashti no what was his main priority his main concern let me just show you her beauty right and she's like i'm what am i just a piece of meat you know just a trophy wife where do you think this these things come from they come from the stories in the bible right it didn't work look a lot of people get this in their head well as long as i just tell you know my wife oh she's beautiful every once in a while and just you know exalt that you know she'll be fine no people have emotions people have needs right women have needs men have needs and they need to both be met right the bible says that when two get married they become one right not two but one and and i'm gonna get ahead of myself here but look at verse number three first corinthians chapter seven look at verse three it says let the husband render unto the wife do benevolence and likewise also the wife unto the husband here's what's not in there let the wife respect the husband and it just leaves it blank you ever notice that you're going to notice this this morning when you read passages in the bible about marriage it's always going to talk about the husband and the wife why because each one has a role and they both need to be working in their roles in order to make that thing work when one person decides you know what i'm just going to dip out for a while i'm going to get complacent problems arise that's what a hasris was doing here i'm just going to have this feast i'm going to party i've got no concerns wife's doing great i don't even need to check up on her you know what that is the wisdom of the world that's what led to their problems here but what does it say here let the husband render unto the wife do benevolence did you know that your wife is due benevolence what's that mean charity action love all of these things your wife is owed that guys they are owed that and i mean think about it when you get a bill in the mail and it says do 400 to idaho power is that is that a suggestion no it's not go ahead and try that with them it doesn't work you have to pay that bill it is due to idaho power well guess what the bible says that your wife is due benevolence but also wives your husbands are due benevolence as well so we ought to not be unbalanced in this the whole look look having a great marriage i'll tell you right now is about seeking and finding that balance and i'll tell you what if you do it if you think you're going to do it without god's word and his wisdom it won't work and you say well i know heathen people that have stayed married that's great the exception proves the rule and it doesn't mean that it's a great marriage i mean what what what what's that going to profit a person you know if they have a seemingly great marriage they're not saved they die and go to hell what how does how is that a great marriage it's not it's just the fact that they didn't get divorced or maybe they did get along or maybe they just randomly work things out you know that doesn't mean that it was great it's not great without god but it's very clear here that it's the job of the husband and the wife to equally seek benevolence you have to constantly work at loving each other and giving them what is owed it is an oh it's a payment that you must consistently make as a man and as a woman husband wife these two shall become one not separate look at verse number four it says the wife hath not power of her own body but the husband and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body but the wife i like how this reads here because there's cults and different things out there that will say you know the man should be able to come home and just force his wife and then they'll say that's biblical you know i'm just going to come home and just you know whatever how you're going to do everything that i say well you know what i understand that the husband's ahead of the household we're going to talk about that the man is the leader the wife is to be in the subjection but you know what when you do that god's way you're not going to have as much war when you're giving that due benevolence you're not going to have that same kind of war and if you're sitting here you're wondering you know what well maybe i'm on i'm unequally yoked how does this sermon apply to me i'm going to get to that at the very end okay so don't worry i will come back to you but look at verse number five it says defraud ye not one another accept it be with consent for a time that you mean give yourselves to fasting and prayer and come together again that satan tempt you not for your in contingency so he says defraud ye not why because when you don't give that due benevolence that benevolence and that love and that charity that is owed to each other you're defrauding one another some people like to turn to this and just talk about the physical relationship and it does include that right but it also includes communication did you know guys that your wives want to talk to you that they want to have conversations with you that they want to know how your day was that they want you to know how their day was i mean think about it a wife that's at home all day with her kids homeschooling and you know cleaning up after them you know she probably wants a little mental break at the end of the day when you get home look i get it you know some guys they get home they got to de-stress and you know kick a wall you know slam a washing machine something like that look i get it some days are just frustrating but you know what you've got to make time to communicate to each other otherwise what's going to happen you're going to wind up having vashti say you know what i'm not going to do what you say and in our society the woman says you know what i'm just going to dip out uncle sam's going to help her what do you think about that our culture doesn't make it you know easy on either party but they darn sure don't make it easy on the husband you know if you know i see it all the time you know i was in somebody's house just recently and you know they start arguing and fighting right off the bat they're going through a divorce i'm like man why do i always have to get this stuff you know and and somebody on the phone told them that i was a pastor i don't know why they do this because they told me when i got hired you know don't tell anybody you know don't talk about church and stuff because it might offend people look i get it okay and then they're on the phone oh don't worry you don't have to worry about him you can trust him he's a pastor you know well guess what when people find out i'm a pastor the first thing they want to talk about is marriage every single time marriage or iran right now but but but usually it's marriage okay and it's like look you're not neither one of you are saved you're not going to receive anything i have to say so it's just it's just an awkward situation but what i'm saying is you know i'm listening to these people bicker and fight and and it's like you're just defrauding one another you know i one one guy's like you know talking about well you shouldn't be jealous of my friend at work that's a girl i should be able to go over to her house after work and you know have dinner with her and stuff and i'm thinking to myself man that is do you want to talk about stupidity that is stupid but i literally saw that about three weeks ago in a house you know and then he leaves and you know his mom comes over and then you know his wife and the mom they're talking well you know he's been talking to this girl and she's like yeah but you've been talking to this guy and i just tried to hurry up and i just got out of there there ain't no fixing this but you know at the same time they're like well you know what would you say um i i don't really have time to you know i'd say get saved understand the word of god and get your butt to church and then maybe you'll fix your marriage but you can see even in that situation i mean it all started with communication it all started with not to becoming one you know because why husband goes to work he's got no wisdom of god because he thinks it's okay to just you know party with the guys every night and then all of a sudden they're defrauding one another right and then satan's like oh well i can i can have my way with you because you're caught in my snare anyways you're not saved right here's a here's a temporary solution to your problem you know your co-worker right the wife she's off doing whatever she's doing at her job and you know she's not getting the communication and the support and the benevolence this do her from him and then guess what satan's like oh oh you're caught in my right here here's somebody to meet your need temporarily and now all of a sudden there's divorce and all kinds of issues and look it's not just contained in the world god's people get divorced as well right and that's what we're trying to prevent by preaching about these things so read the verse again verse number five defraud ye not one another except it be with consent for a time well how would you get consent for a time think about it by communication by communication a lot of marriage problems do result as one spouse or both spouses defrauding each other in some aspect of marriage whether it be in the physical relationship communication affection something look as a man as a husband you are commanded to dwell with your wife according to knowledge that's what the bible says you are to seek and constantly learn what pleases her and try your best to make that happen right and think about that when you do that if you're going to meet that benevolence you're going to give her what is due to her the odds of you having real issues down the road are going to be very slim you see what i'm saying so he says defraud ye not one another accept it be with consent for a time communication is in this verse communication between a husband and wife is very very important and look we get busy i understand that i know a lot of you guys in here you get very busy at work you come home you've got more stuff to do you know the wives are busy extremely busy and communication can slip right so the key is to just do a self audit right and think to yourself right now am i in this situation how is my communication going with my spouse if it's bad right now just purpose in your heart that you're going to change it because your marriage will improve and when your marriage improves as god's child so will you walk with god right that's the whole goal here this is the idea look defraud ye not one another accept it be with consent for a time this does include the physical relationship and that's important a lot of relationships end up in adultery because of that very thing because one spouse and it's not just always the women sometimes it's the man you know we live in a society today where there's toxins uh you know in the food in the air whatever right maybe you have a hormone problem or something i don't know or maybe you're just super exhausted whatever it is you need to get yourself checked and work on that if you're a man you have a problem with the physical relationship aspect of this because it's important your wife is owed that and by the way so is the husband when the wife says you know what i'm just gonna come up with every excuse under the sun i'm tired i got this ache i got this problems whatever you know what it is your husband's mind is gonna wander you think well he's a strong christian he won't do that right he know he's right on the post trip you know rapture he's right on all this doctrine yeah right you know listen we don't have queers in here okay yeah so when you neglect your husband in that way his mind is eventually going to wonder you will make him weak you're setting him up for failure right this vert now keep in mind this verse isn't saying a lot of people like to use this and say well this is my crutch this is my right to be able to force her no that's not what it's saying at all this applies to husband and wife you both need to work on it and it all stems from communication that's why he says defraud you not one another except it be with consent for a time so if you're going to take a take a break in that area and hopefully you all know what i'm talking about and if you don't you're not old enough to to understand okay like i said i will get to you next week you munchkins especially all right but it's as a result of consent if you're going to take a break in anything communication the physical relationship whatever it is you need to make sure that both parties are on par with that otherwise you will have trouble you will have big problems mark my words i hear it all the time all the time all the time i mean think about it you know what david even made that mistake i mean how many wives did he have when he was just walking around at midnight doing nothing when the kings were out to battle right he was defrauding his wife or his wives at the time right of due benevolence of of everything right i don't i don't understand the exact situation but it seemed like he maybe slept alone but the bible says he's walking around on the rooftop he looks and sees a woman bathing why where was his wife at why wasn't he with her you know was there a mutual consent between him and his other wives no right he had obviously had them separate and that's where he made the mistake he was defrauding them and in turn defrauding himself a moment of weakness came devil said oh there's a temporary solution to your problem right now david look at that good looking girl and guess what he fell for it and it wound up coming back to bite him the rest of his life right i mean you know that whole story with absolom and him running from his own son and all the turmoil that was a result of that night you commit adultery you will ruin your life you will never be the same again ever and i'm not saying you can't recover from it because you can especially as god's child you can there could be healing there but look why even go down that road you could stop that right now by understanding the big look this is the big one here is when you defraud each other that is the big one that's where you know you're going to wind up with all sorts of problems and the way to fix it is very simple communication consent for a time both parties agree okay so we're going to move on here go back to esther uh chapter number one go back to esther chapter one so point number one was you are both responsible to uphold and protect each other's emotions right and so guys you need to be sensitive also to your wives because when they're tired you know they've got a lot going on they just i don't know had a surgery or had something and they're tired you know don't be bothering them so much you know for the physical stuff wait okay it's okay you know you can have that consent for a time but likewise wives you know sometimes you know you can get bogged down you can get stressed out and in and not want to attend to your husband you know but you need to suck it up and make the effort to find out what's bothering him as well right you don't want to defraud him his affection and it goes back and forth so point one you're both responsible to uphold and protect each other's emotions it's not a one-sided thing it's not uh i've been in churches before well they'll kind of preach this but kind of just make it all about the wife well it's the wife's fault because the husband always wants this and it's it's always the wife that's not always the case right it's not just talking about the physical relationship it's talking about the needs and like it or lump it both parties have needs and it's our job to understand that to understand each other's needs the wife's needs are going to be slightly different than the husband's and you need to make sure you've got a good grasp on that and that you both work on it to have a healthy marriage okay so let's move on here point number two is this you are both responsible to communicate to resolve issues you're both responsible to communicate to resolve issues look pouting and not wanting to talk for weeks on end does no good that's why the bible says be angry and send not right don't let the sun go down upon your wrath right and and i i bet i don't want to even see you raise your hands but you all know you know would husband wife's fight husband and wife's fight i'll bet you that one of you is the type of person that's like okay look i'm just not gonna say anything and then two three days go by look all that does is just build and build and build and build and build okay you've got to be able to resolve your issues with communication it's very that's like the the most important thing is to talk talk about the issues you're having a problem you've got to talk about it this i mean this is like the root of all marriage issues is communication misunderstandings not understanding god's word all that stuff it just amounts to more and more trouble so you're there in uh esther chapter one look at verse number 12 it says but the queen vashti refused to come at the king's commandment by his chamberlains therefore was the king very wroth and his anger burned within him was there any communication that ever happened between the two no not at all right she says nope i'm not going to do it he says okay i'm pissed now i'm looking for i'm going to look to take some action right he's angry and what do people do when they're angry look you make bad decisions every single time and that's what you're going to see here now you don't have to turn there actually once you guys turn to proverbs chapter 15 and obviously keep your place in esther we're going to keep coming back to it but turn to proverbs chapter 15 and while you're training i'm going to read to you ecclesiastes chapter 5 verse 2 which says this be not rash with thy mouth and let not thine heart be hasty to utter anything before god for god is in heaven and now upon earth therefore let thy words be few now obviously that verse is talking about you know becoming a church and running your mouth saying i'm going to do this i'm going to be a deacon i'm going to be the best pastor i'm going to be all this stuff because look you're down here and god's up there right what your communication should be is if the lord wills i will do this i will do that okay but the beginning part of that verse this is be not rash with thy mouth and let not thine heart be hasty to utter anything look don't be so quick to pop off at the mouth and look when you're married for a while this goes out the window sometimes you know because you're gonna look both parties are going to want to say what they think right off the bat and you know what's going to happen more fighting so hold your peace right if things are getting really hot you know it's probably a good idea just to hold your peace don't be rash with thy mouth just wait a little bit but don't wait too long because i know some wives that like to wait like you know three four days i'm just kidding it's just gonna see pastor's wives are taught that you know when a pastor is going to preach the sermon that they got to get ready because they're gonna get made fun of and so jessica bought me some cake and some different things yesterday to kind of butter me up and it worked for the most part all right so i'm gonna give her mostly a break no she's she's great you know we've been married almost 21 years this year and you know i'm super thankful for her she's been the best blessing i could ever ask for but with that comes a price and that's being made fun of all right so what am i talking about here anyways anybody know oh yeah about running your mouth that's right anyways you know don't be rash with thy mouth because what happens is just more and more fighting more wars i mean that's what he hazardous did he gets mad and he's like well you owe you owe me that respect and that's true she does but if he wouldn't have been so rash with his actions in his mouth maybe he could have worked it out right and if she hadn't been so upset about this whole feast thing maybe she would have sent somebody to talk to him earlier maybe this divorce could have been avoided or this putting away so you're there in proverbs chapter 15 look at verse number one it says a soft answer turneth away but grievous words stir up anger just realize that a soft answer turneth away wrath you know what gets in the way of that soft answer is pride and you know it's true it's pride every single time no i'm right i saw you shaving the sink and didn't wipe up all your hairs you know that's true right but look sometimes we just got to own up to our own mistakes look i'm horrible sometimes about putting stuff away i don't have a lot of time you know and jessica she doesn't flip out on me she's just like i noticed some hairs in the sink you know but i'll tell you what 15 years ago it was war okay because we didn't have this wisdom look i'm not saying that we you know always had like this biblical godly you know perfect marriage we've had our troubles too which is why i'm preaching this because i'm a man of experience i'm a man of war marriage war okay you can learn from me as well okay but i learned over time a soft answer turneth away wrath swallow my pride i messed up i'm making her job of guiding the house much harder so it's like okay look i'll go clean it up you know do do whatever at least that's what i try to do most of the time other times i forget and you know grievous words come out no i'm just kidding but you get the point right a soft answer turneth away wrath but grievous words stir up anger what do we learn from ecclesiastes don't be rash of the mouth don't be so fast to just flip out well you said this or you did this that does nothing that works great for apartment managers that want to stop a soul winning but it doesn't work in marriage okay learn to control your emotions remember what's the first point both parties are responsible for protecting emotions look guys when you snap at your wives like that in an instant you know that's going to hurt her you know that's going to damage and just hurt their emotions you gotta work on that you've gotta be strong enough as a leader to be like okay put that aside and just just just relax go go for a walk do whatever you gotta do go kick something come back and provide a soft answer why because that's gonna save you a lot of ulcers and a lot of pain in your stomach it's gonna save you from a lot of fighting okay look at verse number two the tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness look a foolish person just keeps pouring it on the bible even says that it is sport to a fool to do mischief a person who's a fool they find it a sport they find it a challenge they find it acceptable they find it fun to just produce mischief they love it josh ellis for example i hate to keep bringing it up but it's true storm morton perfect example perfect example of somebody who came in here and just thought it was just i mean this was like like a football field to him right it just has how many heresies and how much crap can i say in one hour to all these different church members i mean it was it was it was a sport to them right so we need to not be like that in life verse two the tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright you need to learn the wisdom of the bible and apply it in your life and when you do you're going to have that successful marriage that you need why because your children are looking upon you things aren't getting better in america today right we need to train this generation up to do things right the only way we're going to do it is if we ourselves husbands and wives are squared away and that we can use that knowledge aright meaning correctly use it turn it into wisdom okay look at verse three the eyes of the lord are in every place beholding the evil and the good look as a believer god's eyes are definitely on your life right the way to avoid that chastisement is to use knowledge right turn to proverbs chapter 12 real quick proverbs chapter 12 proverbs chapter 12 look at verse 18 it says proverbs chapter 12 verse 18 says this there is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword but the tongue of the wise is health look the words that come out of your mouth husbands wives guess what they're either going to pierce like a sword or they're going to be health as a result of wisdom when you speak comfortably unto each other that feels good doesn't it well it goes a little bit deeper than just your eardrums look when you speak rashly with your mouth to your spouse guys it pierces their soul it hurts and it lasts and they remember they that look that's one thing i've learned from 20 years they remember see we forget but they remember this is very important here to understand this there is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword but the tongue of the wise is health look by you guys having a blessed marriage and using knowledge of right and speaking wisdom to each other speaking comfortably speaking benevolently to each other right the majority of the time guess what you're going to be a healthier physically individual that's what the bible is saying here you will gain physical health as a result of that i mean look we already have enough toxins in our environment we already understand that we're living on a planet that is dying physically because of sin right so why add unto that with stress that we don't need to bring on ourselves that we can avoid right now by learning the truths of the bible go back to esther chapter number one esther chapter number one so point number one was you're both responsible to uphold and protect each other's emotions number two you're both responsible to communicate to resolve issues so let's just take a look at that here the often result of poor communication we already read it but let's read it again after chapter one look at verse 13 then the king said to the wise men which knew the times for so was the king's manner toward all that knew the law and judgment verse 14 and the next unto him was uh karshina shethar admattha tarshish mares marcina and memukin the seven princes of persia and meda which saw the king's face in which sat the first in the kingdom look at verse 15 what shall we do unto the queen vashti according to the law because she hath not performed the commandment of the king of hasris by the chamberlains so what are they getting ready to do here instead of working to fix the relationship they've gone to the world what are we going to do about her disrespect well what about a hazardous disrespect towards his wife and just putting you know her physical attributes over everything you see how the wisdom of the world works here this is why we should never run to people like dr phil or dr ozzer who whatever doctor oprah to get marriage advice don't go to the phone book and just start scrolling for marriage counselors as a bible-believing christian because this is the kind of wisdom you're going to get you're going to get the wisdom of the world and it's just going to make your problems worse that's what it'll do or they're going to try to prescribe you 1800 different medications right is that what you want you think that's going to fix your issues that's not going to help you out at all so here's point number three you're both commanded to realize that your marriage upholds or blasphemes the word of god as a bible-believing christian don't miss this your marriage guys is either going to uphold or it's going to blaspheme the word of god i'm going to show you what that means think about this a hazardous and vastly their royalty are they not what does the bible say about god's people a royal priesthood every person in here right now that saved a bible-believing born-again christian you are a priest and a king the bible says that you are royalty and so how you conduct yourself in marriage gets viewed by the world i mean think about this the whole world at this time the whole kingdom they're looking to a hazardous what is he going to do next they're looking at vastly what is she going to do next well guess what the world wants to see you fall you know every time i tell somebody you know what school does your kids go to other home school who does that your your wife yeah well bet it doesn't leave a lot of room for like extra you know time and money you know because that's what's important to them right they're thinking like wow that can't work how to how in the world is that going to work your wife stays home what about her career your kids don't go to school how are they going to socialize right they're looking to us they're looking to us to fail and i don't want to give them that satisfaction right let these guys fail these are royal bozos here right let them fail okay but let let's let's be better than them let's learn from their mistakes here okay so you are both commanded to realize understand that marriage upholds or blasphemes the word of god uh esther chapter one look at verse 16 it says and mimekin answered before the king and the princess vashti the queen hath not done wrong to the king only but also to the princes and to all the people that are in all the provinces of king a hazardous right so completely ignoring the fact that a hazardous treated her like like dirt like a dog verse 17 for this deed of the queen shall come abroad into all women so that they shall despise their husbands in their eyes when it shall be reported the king of hazardous commanded vashti the queen to be brought in before him but she came not now look at verse 18 it says likewise shall the ladies of persia and media say this say this day into the king's princess which have heard of the deed of the queen thus shall there arise too much contempt and wrath turn turn if you would to titus chapter two titus chapter two so these guys are a little bit paranoid you know and they're kind of right if a hazardous just allows this to to not be known that he's not pleased with it you know it would set a trend in their culture i get that okay you know and sometimes when i read this i think that somebody some rich moloch worshiper back in america's day you know beginning days probably read this and said you know that's how we can overthrow this country it's by going after the families you know and what do they do they make laws and they make a culture that says don't worry girl you don't need him you don't need any man if it don't work out you just get on out of there we'll make sure that you're fed you're clothed and you have some wants right while dad's got to go work three jobs just to make a living look uncle sam's look this kingdom here hate to say but they're more righteous than our nation is that's for sure this babylon was much more righteous at this time than our our nation is but nonetheless they are saying here like hey we've got to do something about this you know and we're going to make a law that the women have to you know respect their husbands look that's god's law but it does go both ways okay it it really does now you're there in titus chapter two look at verse number one it says but speak thou the things which become sound doctrine so paul teaching titus here this is this is what i want you to preach this is what i want you to understand right but speak the other things which become sound doctrine that's understanding the word and applying it in your time to your situation right that becomes sound doctrine everybody follow me look at verse two that the aged men be sober grave temperate sound in faith in charity in patience so keep in mind here because he's going to start talking about the ladies and people often forget the commandment to the men but notice what he's saying here the aged men be sober right don't be lifted up with pride don't be drunk right be be sober grave meaning be serious be temperate sound in faith in charity and patience verse three the aged women likewise that they be in behavior as becometh holiness not false accusers not given to much wine teachers of good things that they may teach the younger women to be sober to love their husbands to love their children right we need the aged women as time goes on to be more sound in the faith why so that they can help the younger women with their troubles with their sorrows and with their turmoil and to teach them the right ways of god you see this is why this is why it's important for all of us to understand god's word because sometimes we get in this this this mode where well uh women can't preach so i'm just gonna you know kind of neglect my vibrating no don't be like that you get look you don't you get chances to preach the gospel every week soul winning well guess what you get to preach to each other as well the more aged the more mature that you become lady as a believer the more that you can pass on to the younger women and that's a blessing that's doing the will of god verse four that they may teach the young women to be sober to love their husbands to love their children right because love's not just a feeling sometimes you need to be taught these things right sometimes the women just need a little kick in the pants uh not in the pants i'm sorry that was that was just the old man coming out here in the skirt right but you get what i'm saying right they need to be exhorted to love their husbands it's an ongoing thing it's effort i used to think you would just get married and it was just you're good i'd never you know it took me a while to realize oh i actually have to continuously work on this you know i thought well once you got married just just just chill out and hang out she's always going to be there you know well emotionally sometimes they check out when you when you depart like that verse five it says to be discreet chased keepers at home good obedient to their own husbands that the word of god be not blasphemed yes this is true when a woman says you know what i'm just gonna yell at my husband in front of people i'm gonna treat him like an idiot i'm gonna do all these things i'm gonna say this i'm gonna completely disregard him being the head of the household the word of god is blasphemed the word and look you know the persians here in esther chapter one not being saved at this time at least i don't believe they were saved right at this moment i'm sure some of them got saved later on after if you read the story we don't really know but the point is they even understood that they had to deal with this situation and it was a problem right they're like hey our testimony is going to be basically blasphemed in our name right and what is paul telling titus here hey when the women just neglect that guess what that blasphemes the word of god but what were the first two verses back up to verse one but speak the other things which become sound doctrine that the aged men be sober grave temperate stand in the faith charity and patience so when men start to treat their wives like garbage guess what the word of god is blasphemed right marriage isn't just all about the wife or all about the man to become one that's the teaching of the bible here so when you both just act foolish and you neglect each other you're blaspheming the word of god the world's looking on that and saying oh i knew that wouldn't work and then how does that make god look to them it makes them look just like their science teacher told them it's not doing us any favors when we go out soul winning right you got people like paula white right who's been divorced at least once that i know of right preaching sermons which is a violation of scripture to begin with preaching work salvation you know all this junk right and the world's looking at her and making fun of you because they relate you with her right so we don't need to give them any more ammunition than they think they already have so we need to understand this both husbands and wives need to follow this pattern here why so that the word of god does not get blasphemed this is why we have to work on our marriages we can't be like the average new evangelical christian out there right the 50 50 marriage the two-headed monster that doesn't work it doesn't work people like oh well you guys should just split everything 50 50 that doesn't work look the husband needs to bear the burden needs to be out there working the wife wasn't made for that i work in a company doing appliance repair guess how many women repair tax we have zero and it's not that they can't do it i bet they could do it better but it's hard work they just weren't made for that they know that they'd rather be guiding and and teaching their kids and and just being in the role that god gave them even unsaved women a lot of times they feel like that look when i go into people's houses all the time i hear these conversations every single week i wish i could stay at home with my kids like your wife does that would be cool every once in a while that comes up right they understand that but look when we neglect these things when we say you know we're not going to be discreet we're not going to have discretion when we talk to each other right husbands and wives you need to have discretion when you talk to each other why because wives especially do have a tendency right to want to make their voice known but you know paul's telling titus here hey make sure these women are discreet chase keepers at home so it's funny when the wife says you know what i want to just go back out and get my corporate job and put the kids in daycare you know what the word of god is going to get blasphemed right that's what he's saying here we need to not be like that so go back to esther chapter one esther chapter one but i think it's important that we both understand that look all these passages about marriage they talk about the wife they also talk about husband because a lot of people like to just come here and just harp on the women right but the beginning of the chapter was talking to the men we both have our roles we both need to function in those roles and clearly understand those things okay so point number three was this you're both commanded to realize that your marriage upholds or blasphemes the word of god point number four is this you're both commanded to be obedient in your respective roles right that's what we saw in titus the aged men have a role the aged women have a role the man is the leader of the house the woman guides house when i was in the military you would often have a high-ranking enlisted person you know yelling at you uh you know giving you a friday speech or something right you know and they'd be like well i'm in charge but he runs the place you know or i'm sorry yeah the officer would typically say that he has been a while but the officer the high-ranking officer would often say okay i'm in charge but he runs the place pointing to his enlisted person basically you know because in the military you've got a lot of different bosses a lot of different people with authority you have enlisted ranks and then you have officers officers or people that have been given a commission they've typically gone to college and they're the ones that wear the brass and the gold you know the the high-ranking people right they're over all the enlisted people well in a company just for an example you'll have a like a first sergeant right a very high-ranking enlisted person he deals with a lot of admin stuff and you know just different daily duties the officer you know he's got a little bit more authority they're both in charge right but one's ultimately the head and the other one basically runs the place and that's kind of like your marriage the guy he is in charge but the wife guides the house that doesn't mean the guy comes home and she's like hey do this do that do this you know i'm done for the day that's not how it's supposed to be right you both have your roles and you need to learn how to function in your roles why so that you can be happy so that you can have that blessed marriage so that we don't blaspheme the word of god that's why you need to understand this but what does the world say well just 50 50 that that's their wisdom 50 50 man you come home from work you should just hop right up and start doing the dishes and all this stuff and it's like well if your wife's been home all day you know honestly the the house should be guided it should you know should i'm not saying it should be spic and span and clean you got little kids you're gonna have good luck okay good luck all right we gotta move on here number four is this you're both commanded to be obedient in your respective roles esther chapter one look at verse 19 says if it please the king let the let there go a royal commandment from him and let it be written among the laws of the persians and the meads that it be not altered that vashti come no more before the king hazerus and let the king give her royal estate unto another that is better than she and when the king's decree which he shall make shall be published throughout all his empire for it is great all the wives shall give to their husband's honor both great and small and the saying please the king and the princes and the king did according to the word of memu can verse 22 for he sent letters to all the king's provinces into every province according to the writing thereof into every people after their language that every man should bear rule in his own house that it should be published according to the language of every people turn to ephishians chapter 5 so okay i get it they're doing a good thing they're trying to promote a culture where the wife respects the husband that's that is biblical the wife should respect the husband we're going to talk about that but do you see what the what they're not saying is right oftentimes it's not necessarily what people say but it's what they don't say and what they're not saying here is the mistake and the problem that he hazerus caused by completely neglecting his wife to begin with right where's the law about that hey love your wives why didn't they make that a law as well so really what they're doing is they're promoting a culture that says you know you're going to be a slave but that's what the world wanted at this time right our unfortunately today in our world and in our country our society they want to destabilize it and the way they're doing it is by attacking the family and by basically trying to reverse the roles that's how the devil operates he works in opposite as above so below right i mean where do you think that came from that came from studying satanism yea hath god said right that's what the devil does he takes god's word and he twists it 180 and then tries to get you to believe it well no the wife should have the option to be the head of the house and the man should stay home i've seen that as well too you weak sauce oh man i don't even get me started on that all right ephesians chapter five uh look at verse number 20 remember we're talking about obedience in your respective roles ephesians 5 20 giving thanks always for all things unto god and the father in the name of our lord jesus christ submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of god right so we're getting what we're about to read here is paul telling the ephesians he's going to basically say hey you know he's going to give you the role of the church the local church and he's going to compare that in christ's love for that and say hey that's how your marriages should be as well okay look at verse number 22 wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the lord look it's not husbands submit yourselves to your wives commandments we get home like the devil likes to take that and twist that around so he does say this here he says wives submit yourselves into your own husbands as unto the lord for the husband is the head of the wife even as christ is the head of the church and he is the savior of the body right who's the savior of the body of christ it's jesus christ we understand this verse 24 therefore as the church is subject unto christ so let the wives be to their own husbands and everything and just kind of like you know a hazardous as men right it's almost like they knew this right and they just wanted to harp on this one thing just the woman's role let's forget about the man's role well to become one and man you have a role in marriage as well and you need to love your wives uh verse 25 husbands love your wives even as christ also loved the church and gave himself for it you should have enough love to your wife that you would give yourself to save her and she needs to know that communication she needs to understand that you need to prove that you need to make that a priority verse 27 i'm sorry verse 26 that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word yes the word of god has power to wash you and after you're saved it's got the power to continue to make you a disciple verse 27 that he might that he might present it to himself a glorious church not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing but that it should be holy and without blemish verse 28 so so he's so likewise right so men to love their wives as their own bodies he that loveth his wife loveth himself so you need to understand that you need to learn to love your wives guys why because you're the leader you need to be able to take the brunt of adversity i try my best to make sure that jessica doesn't get into conflicts with other people as much as she likes to no i'm just kidding when i see those eyeballs back there you know starting to like where's he going with this that's when the jokes come see we know each other pretty well so uh real quick one more time uh verse verse 28 so ought men to love their wives as their own bodies he that loveth his wife loveth himself for no man ever yet hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it even as the lord the church you ever heard of somebody oh yeah this person's in love with themselves no they're just vain most of the time a person a man of god who really loves himself is going to love his wife and put his wife you know his wife's knees above his own selfless service and those of you that aren't married yet make sure you find somebody that agrees with this stuff so that you're not having to work these kinks out later if they can even be worked out be fixed that's why it's important for you young guys to listen to this stuff verse 30 verse 30 for we are members of his body of his flesh and of his bones for this cause shall a man leave his father and his mother shall be joined unto his wife and they too shall be one flesh so just realize that you're one flesh you need to take care of yourself he's saying hey look as you take care of yourself you clean yourself up you care about your health right you're not careless with your own body you're not just going to fall down face first just for no reason right you need to take care of your spouse the same way you need to treat her as part of your own body and by doing so you're going to be blessed for it you say well she's mad at me right now you know what just keep doing it this is not an instant overnight fix right this stuff takes time run the race with patience okay verse 32 this is a great mystery but i speak concerning christ in the church nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself and the wife see that she reverence her husband turn to first peter chapter three first peter chapter three so it goes both ways you see both need to love each other give them the due benevolence communicate but you know what the husband is the head of the household and when wives are stubborn they don't want to let that happen problems arise because then the husband's like i don't feel respected and he's not right a hazardous felt very disrespected he probably felt about this big when she said i'm not coming out to see you a hazardous but you know what was the answer to make a law that says okay well now every wife has to do it no because then it doesn't come from the heart now you just have people following a law right that's not going to motivate people we need to do it because we love christ we understand that he gave himself for the church that's why we need to do these things so i turn to the first peter i'm just going to read uh read you uh colossians 3 verse 18 19 says wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands as fit in the lord husbands love your wives and be not bitter against them okay it goes both ways like i keep saying husbands have a tendency to be bitter against their wives as well but you know what you would do much good to yourself and to your marriage to just let some stuff go not everything's worth fighting about you know like hairs in the sink or dirty dishes or you know toys on the floor you know necessarily when you get home some stuff's just not worth fighting about but you know what her emotions are worth fighting for right you know holding on to bitterness over something stupid like that like some chores or something she didn't do or something you ask you know what that's not really going to help you out right coming home with that tyrant attitude that's not good leadership you know what even our military and i'm not endorsing the military at all but you know our military they do understand that autonomy and leadership is what makes our military better than others did you know that you know when our military sends somebody overseas and says hey this is your objective you know it's our leaders that look at that at the battlefield and they say this is what we're going to do and they report up that's how our country works they report up they have that autonomy and that's one reason why we're so successful i talked about this on wednesday other countries aren't like that they're like you will do this you will do that don't make a move without talking to me first you know what i would just recommend that you don't be like that you know your wife has her area of responsibility guiding the house let her run with it why because then she's got that freedom that autonomy to be creative oh i can do this i can move this over here one now man you don't have to worry about it but two it lets her natural god-given desires come out but if you're the kind of guy that's like don't you move that couch over here without talking to me first in that chair and i want this you know what you're gonna have problems i promise you're gonna have problems you can say all you want to but you will have problems authority look autonomy and authority are great things i'm not saying that you're not going to have issues because you will but when you give your wife that autonomy that responsibility and that just just that that go ahead to run the house guys you know what you're gonna be better off you're gonna be better off you know like like for example with the song leading i don't i don't bother jeff by you know so he runs the songs i don't like oh don't pick this or don't do that obviously we all know the songs we're not singing victory in jesus because it talks about repenting your sins right but you see what i'm saying i don't i don't i don't bother him i don't do this that's how i roll that's how i that's how i lead that's how it was taught to me like caden with his with his youtube stuff i don't lord over him i just say hey man can we get this stuff you know done and he's like yeah and then he uses his own creativity to make things like the gi joe video and and to do all these other projects that he's doing you know and i don't sit there and like you know really hammer down on him i just give him the least just just go for it man do whatever and he comes up with all this stuff on his own comes up the bulletins all this stuff right that's how leadership i think should work that and a lot of that is just my opinion but i think you'd be happier if you listen to that let your wives run that house guys then you don't have to worry about it obviously you have the final say and wives you need to understand that you do have the final say right but like i said you know when you you promote that that culture of autonomy you'd be surprised at how much better they're gonna do when i was a supervisor over at the shipyard we're working on these submarines i would give i would pick somebody who's new and i would teach them like three or four levels higher than them and i would say this is your job go run with it you know and after i did that for a while you know what i mean it turned it turned my crew upside down i mean we were the best the absolute best but what do you think i learned that you know you can even find that in the bible here you really can if you study the different leadership tactics of the bible i mean it sounds like david gave his men you know a lot of autonomy he wasn't like you know i need to talk to you before every single move you know before you got before you ladies put stuff away in the fridge i need to know exactly you know what i mean that tyrant type behavior doesn't work you know a real leader knows he's a real leader right and promotes a culture that is is safe and they're going to want to work in you know the guys that i had worked for me they loved working for me why because i just said here's your here's your job get it done here's what you can and can't do obviously right but the rest of the stuff i don't care how you get it done and they love that because that freed their creativity i mean think about this you go into a restaurant and you know you tell the chef just make me whatever you want a lot of times they're like oh really i get i don't have to follow the same old you know law i can be creative right why because they have ideas that's what they do every single day and they have thoughts well if i do this man this would taste really good but the boss won't let me or whatever because you know we have a chain of command here and it's really strict you know i just got to make these certain things but when you allow them to be creative man they produce some of the best tasting meals you'd ever eaten right that's what i'm talking about here so i don't lord over just she she moves stuff around all the time i come home i'm like is this the same house i left in you know what in the world where am i sitting today you know and does that mean i'm weak or that i'm not a real man i'm not guy you know the head of the house no it's just she's she's going to be happier because she's there all day right and she gets to make those decisions but we got to move on here what i have you turn uh first peter all right look at chapter number three uh verse one so i'm gonna skip some of this for sake of time so we're just gonna talk right now like okay what do you do if you're in a situation and you're unequally yoked everybody in here needs to pay attention and understand this why because you might be able to help somebody else out you say oh i don't have that problem but you might be able to help somebody else out look at uh first peter chapter three look at verse number one this is likewise ye wives be in subjection to your own husbands that if any obey not the word they also may be without the word one by the conversation of the wives while they behold your chase conversation coupled with fear okay look at verse three it says who's adorning let it uh not be that outward adorning of plating of the hair and of wearing of gold or putting on of apparel verse four but let it be the hidden man of the heart in that which is not corruptible even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit which is in the sight of god of great price so here's the idea peter's saying this okay verse one likewise ye wives be in subjection to your own husbands that if any obey not the word they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives what is he talking about there look you can't get somebody saved without the word of god right faith cometh by hearing and hearing by the word of god you need the word of god to be saved we've already gone over that being that to death you've got to have it so people will often point to this say you don't need the bible you don't need the word of god to get somebody saved the holy ghost will just come down and just speak to you well no that's not what he's talking about here he's saying that without the word be won by the conversation they say oh yeah conversation by talking well that's part of it conversation is speaking back and forth dialogue i get it i understand that right when you have a good conversation um with other believers and you know maybe somebody who's not saved is listening you know they might they might get edified from time to time on that but is that really what's going on here now i would tell you no the conversation here is much deeper than just words okay turn back to uh first peter go to chapter number one let's talk about this conversation so the key to winning an unequally yoked marriage is in the conversation but here's the thing it's who are you having the conversation with lady or husband is it the old man or the new man that's what he's talking about here first peter chapter 1 look at verse 15 it says but as he which hath called you is holy so be holy in all manner of conversation so yes we should be holy and sanctified in our speech right we shouldn't just be saying all this junk and garbage because then the world's like oh you're no different right and it's going to be harder to win them right with the truth now turn to second corinthians chapter one and while you're turning there i'm going to read you psalm chapter 37 verse 14 which says this the wicked have drawn out the sword and have bent their bow to cast down the poor needy and to slay such as be of upright conversation the conversation is how you interact with your new man so when you're walking in the new man you're walking in the spirit you're saved you got the new man and you're living like you should in the new man you know what people are going to see that right your spouse is going to see that and say oh this person you know my wife's not not a quitter you see because when you have one spouse that's zealous for god the other one's not saved or just not as zealous you know what they're they're hoping and waiting for they're waiting for you to quit that's what they're waiting for how long are you going to keep this is this a phase is that all this is it's just a phase because that's what the world says right when anytime you hear about some you know a famous person get quote unquote saved right what usually follows the conversation oh this is just a fad or this is just a phase right you know a lot of you when you got saved a lot of your family members probably oh this is just a phase it'll just pass right that's typically what they're waiting for but when you continue in that conversation with the new man and they see oh this is not a joke oh this is not you know going anywhere this person's serious and has really been you know changed right they're going to be one they're okay wow and then in a process of time that alone will open them up to receiving the word of truth look i know a guy who would drive two hours every day to verity baptist church for like eight years and then his wife finally got saved eight years and that person came to visit us not too long ago so look like i said this isn't some overnight type deal it takes work but if you're unequally yoked you know there is hope for you through prayer through supplications through being obedient and having your conversation in the new man right second corinthians chapter one look at verse 12 we're almost done for our rejoicing is this the testimony of our conscience that in simplicity and godly sincerity not with fleshly wisdom but by the grace of god we have had our conversation in the world and more abundantly to you word so you see that word again conversation but where's the conversation here in this verse it's with the world all of us have had our conversation in the world look there's not anybody in here even if you got saved as a young child like i did look i still had my conversation in the world right i still lived in the world was backslidden all this stuff turn to eph conversation isn't always just about the words according to the bible but who are you communicating with when you wake up in the morning is it the old man or is it going to be the new man eph 2 look at verse 3 it says among whom also we all had our conversation in times past and the lusts of the flesh fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind and were by nature the children of wrath even as others right you don't have to turn there but eph 4 22 says this that you put off concerning the former conversation the old man which is corrupt according to the deceitful lust so we talked about this earlier we have two natures as saved people you have the old man you have the new man whatsoever is born of god sinneth not right the new man sealed to the day of redemption it's forever you're always safe but the problem is right now we have the ability to converse with one or the other and if you're unequally yoked you would do well to continue right to continue to converse with that new man because then your spouse is going to see that other people are going to see that oh it's not a joke he is serious or she is serious they're learning the word god they mean business i better find out what this is all about and i'm not talking about lifestyle evangelism hopefully everybody in here knows that that doesn't work right but that doesn't mean we should live our lifestyles in a way that pleases god because we should okay we should but no one's going to look at your life and say oh man you don't you don't say all this stuff you don't get drunk you don't watch tv you don't go to the movies you don't support the world i want to be just like you that doesn't work when people find out that i'm a pat you know they're like oh did you watch this uh new rated r movie i'm like no i've watched tv in like five six years it's junk do you think they're like oh i just want to get saved and be like that no right that's the last thing they want right that's the last thing they want you know and then by the way you got to also clear up hey and i'm not even saying that you have to turn from that stuff to be saved because you don't it's a free gift but you get the point right just because you're conversing with a new man doesn't mean people are going to save you still need to go solo any but the idea here is that the people that are watching you as a royal priest and king right they're looking at you and they're saying hey is this person going to fall what is he going to do what is she going to do and when they see that you have the strength of god and the wisdom and you're using that knowledge of right they're going to be like wow you know there is something to that and that can't happen i've seen it and i just talked to you about this couple that did that he read this and applied it for eight years and finally she said enough is enough apparently i need to hear more about this what must i do to be saved and she got saved right so just because you're unequally doesn't mean there's no hope for you but the question i have for you is how strong are you can you apply this to your life can you continue in the new man have your conversation with a new man that's the key see it's simple you say are you going to sit down and have these long drawn out counseling sessions nope you're going to walk in the new man or you're going to lose your spouse that's your counseling how's that sound that's what it is and for those of you that aren't married you know well we're going to talk to you next week but hopefully this was a blessing to you uh first one i've done on marriage here you know i know pretty basic stuff but hey it's it's neglecting the basics it gets us in trouble let's just be honest right so remember these things and work on communication remember to become one both people have roles both people need to fulfill them roles and you'll have a blessed marriage amen all right let's pray thank you so much lord for the wisdom in your word once again i just pray that you would bless the fellowship after the service the soul winning today lord and bring us all back safely for the evening service in jesus name i pray amen