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Amen. Now in 1 Timothy chapter 3 we find the qualifications for the bishop and the deacon and I'm going to be continuing my little unofficial series tonight where I've been kind of preaching about some of the qualifications for the pastor on Sunday nights. And the reason I'm preaching this is because, of course, we have a lot of men in our church who one day would like to pastor. Brother Romero is planning on starting a church before the end of this calendar year and so these qualifications are important for those men in our church who would aspire to one day have the office of a bishop, to be the pastor of a church. But not only that, we know that if God expects a bishop to live to a certain standard, obviously all believers should live up to the same type of standards because before the pastor becomes a pastor, he's in the pew living up to that standard. That's why he's even chosen for the job. So these principles that God gives for the bishop and deacon to live by are principles that we should all be living by. So there's something for everyone in the sermon, of course. But tonight I want to focus on verses 4 and 5 where the Bible reads, One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity. For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God? Last week I covered being a novice. The week before that I covered being vigilant. But tonight I want to preach about ruling your own house well. What does that mean? Well, let's flip over quickly to Titus 1. Keep your finger in 1 Timothy 3. We'll be right back. But in Titus 1 we find the parallel passage where Paul again gives qualifications for the bishop in a little bit more of an abbreviated form. He says in Titus 1 beginning in verse 5, For this cause left I thee in Crete, that thou shouldest set in order the things that are wanting, and ordain elders in every city as I had appointed thee. Notice that the word elder is used interchangeably with the word bishop later in this passage. It says, If any be blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children, not accused of riot or unruly. For a bishop must be blameless as the steward of God, not self-willed, not soon angry, not given to wine, no striker, not given to filthy lucre, but a lover of hospitality, a lover of good men, sober, just, holy, temperate, holding fast the faithful word as he hath been taught, that he may be able by sound doctrine both to exhort and to convince the gainsayer. So if we compare these two passages, we see that first of all in 1 Timothy 3, 4 it said, One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity. And then over here in Titus it said, having faithful children not accused of riot or unruly. So there are two aspects here that God is holding the man accountable for. Number one is for his children, and number two is for his wife. Because later on, if you're in 1 Timothy 3 there, look at verse 11, we find the qualifications for the deacon, it says, Even so must their wives be grave, not slanderers, sober, faithful in all things. That's the qualification for the deacon's wife. And then it says, Let the deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own house as well. See how it's the same thing about ruling your house, having your children in subjection with all gravity? What does gravity mean? Seriousness. That means that they respect you. You are serious to them. You are someone that they look to as not being a joke, someone who, well, the old man can say whatever you want. No, they respect you, they take you seriously, they are in subjection to you, you are the ruler in that house. So there are two aspects here, the children and the wife. Those are the two aspects of the family man. But let's start out by talking about the children. First of all, go to 1 Samuel chapter 2. Let's look at an example of a biblical leader who failed in this area and see what the repercussions were upon those who followed him. Because if we have a man who is preaching that does not rule well his own house and he's running the church, the Bible says if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God? So there are going to be negative repercussions. He's going to fail as a pastor if he fails in his household, if he fails in the home life, if he fails to rule his children in his own house well. Here's an example of a guy who failed as a parent, Eli in the Old Testament. Look at 1 Samuel 2.12. Now the sons of Eli were sons of Belial. Now these are not faithful children. You say, what is a son of Belial? Well, you might be familiar with terms like Baal, Bel, Beelzebub, Belial. These are all variations on the same thing. Basically when the Bible calls somebody a son of Belial, it's saying that they're a child of the devil is basically what that's saying. And when you look at throughout the Bible the sons of Belial and whenever that term is used, it's people that are reprobate. It's people that are very wicked and ungodly. For example, the Sodomites that surrounded the house in Judges 19 were called men of Belial. And on and on, I'm not going to go through all the mentions, but these guys are very wicked, reprobate young men. And let's keep reading the story. It says in verse 13, and the priest, and it says of course they knew not the Lord. That goes without saying if they're sons of Belial. But it says in verse 13, and the priest's custom with the people was that when any man offered sacrifice, the priests servant came while the flesh was in seething with a flesh hook of three teeth in his hand. So basically like a fork almost. And he struck it into the pan or kettle or cauldron or pot, all that the flesh hook brought up the priest took for himself. So they did in Shiloh unto all the Israelites that came thither. Also before they burned the fat, the priests servant came and said to the man that sacrificed, give flesh to roast for the priest. For he will not have sodden flesh of thee but raw. And if any man said unto him, let them not fail to burn the fat presently, and then take as much as thy soul desireth, then he would answer him, nay, but thou shalt give it me now, and if not I will take it by force. Wherefore the sin of the young men was very great before the Lord. For men abhorred, abhorred means what? They hated the offering of the Lord. It gave people a bad attitude about coming to God's house. It gave them a bad attitude about making an offering of the Lord when they saw the abuse that was taking place with the two sons of Eli. Let me explain this to you. If you read Leviticus where the teachings are about the sacrifices, there are certain sacrifices that were supposed to be eaten and they were boiled or seethed. They were supposed to be meat that was boiled. And in this case they would boil the meat, they would burn off the fat, and then they would stab a fork in it and grab off the part that was going to be for the priests, and that was what they would eat. But these guys were not satisfied with that, the sons of Eli. They wanted to just have the raw meat with all the fat on it so that they could cook it whatever way that they like and eat it in a way that's going to tickle their taste buds. And not only that, but these men were gluttonous men. The Bible is very clear about that. First of all, we see in another part of the story that the Bible tells us that Eli was a very heavy man. Obviously he didn't get that way by breathing air. He was a gluttonous man. Look at verse 22 of this same chapter. It says, Now Eli was very old and heard all that his sons did unto all Israel and how they lay with the women that assembled at the door of the tabernacle of the congregation. So not only were these men gluttonous men that were stealing from the Lord's offering, because God said that the fat was to be burned unto the Lord in the sacrifices, they weren't supposed to eat the fat or the blood. That stuff was supposed to be burned off. They were supposed to eat the lean meat. But yet these men, because they're gluttonous, they want to just gorge on all that fat flesh. But not only were they gluttonous, they also were fornicators. The Bible says that they lay with the women that assembled at the door of the tabernacle of the congregation. Now I don't think there's any evidence that Eli was a fornicator. In fact, I don't believe he was because from what we see, Eli was a man of God, he was a saved man, he was a righteous man, but he did have a problem with gluttony apparently, because it talks about him being a very heavy man, it talks about how they had all made themselves fat by eating too much of the Lord's offerings and so forth. This shows how the sins of the parents can be repeated by the children, but sometimes the children will take something that the parents do to a certain level and then they'll take it even further. They'll take it to an extreme. I've heard it said that what the parents do in moderation, the children will do to excess, and we see that throughout the Bible. You see David take a few multiple wives, which was wrong. God commanded that the king of Israel should not multiply wives, but yet he took a few wives and then what do you see his son doing? Just taking it to an extreme of having just hundreds of wives. Why not? I mean, if you're going to have ten, what's the difference between Neither one of those is God's will, neither one is right. It's supposed to be one man and one woman. They twain shall be one flesh, and so what we see the parents compromising and sinning and doing wrong, then we see the children take it to even more of an extreme. And so not only did Eli gratify his flesh through overeating of fatty foods and become a glutton, his children followed in those footsteps, but then they added another flesh satisfying indulgence of fornication, gluttony plus fornication. So the sin of these young men was very great. Verse 23, and he said unto them, this is Eli said unto them, why do ye such things? What are you doing guys? He's not solving the problem. He needed to take out a stick and beat these boys with a stick. But instead he just asked them, why do ye such things? For I hear of your evil doings by all these people. Nay my sons, for it is no good report that I hear. You make the Lord's people to transgress. Now look, what was the result of these young men and their lascivious lifestyle? It wasn't just that they committed sin, but rather they made the Lord's people to transgress. It caused the followers, it caused the whole nation to go into sin because of the example of these young men setting a wicked example of fornication and gluttony and then people looked at that and said well if that's what the pastor's kids are doing, that's what the high priest's children are doing, we're going to do the same thing. I mean they're religious people and look what they're doing, we're going to do the same thing. And then not only that, even the ones who did not look at it that way, they just got sick of going to church because they said you know we go to the house of God and we're trying to present an offering unto the Lord as it is written in the book of Leviticus and then we get there and they don't want to follow Leviticus. They want to take extra food and they want to do something that's unbiblical and so it just caused them to abhor the offering and the Lord just made them not even want to show up anymore. And you know a lot of young people are turned away from the faith when they see a lot of hypocrisy in church or they see a lot of wickedness in church and they just think man you know I don't need this and it causes people to be turned away from the faith. So when the leadership is wrong everything goes wrong is what we see from this. Look at verse 25, if one man sin against another the judge shall judge him but if a man sin against the Lord who shall entreat for him notwithstanding they hearken not unto the voice of their father because the Lord would slay them. So by the time Eli is trying to talk sense into these boys it's already too late for these guys. God has already decided he's going to slay them. God's already decided he's done with them. More evidence of the fact that the sons of Belial in the Bible are reprobates. I've heard some people say that every person who is unsaved is a child of the devil. That is false. When we're not saved we're the children of disobedience, we're the children of wrath, we are the children of Adam, we are in the flesh, we are sinners but we do not become children of the devil in our lives. Okay we are we are children of God when we get saved and let me ask this can a child of God ever stop being a child of God? No way. Once you're a child of God you're a child of God forever and it likewise I believe that once someone's a child of the devil you know they're always a child of the devil because if you look at who the Bible calls a child of the devil it's reprobate people where God's just like I'm through with you. For example Jesus told the Pharisees ye are of your father the devil but then also in John 12 it says about those exact same people I mean he tells them you're of your father the devil in John chapter 8 then in John 12 it says therefore they could not believe. Let's turn there, go to John 12 let's look at it. John chapter 12 and by the way a lot of people don't teach this doctrine anymore a lot of Baptist churches they've gone into the hallmark mentality of just you know it's just never too late for anybody I mean as long as somebody's breathing there's hope amen. You know it sounds great but you know what the Bible talks about people that God gives over to a reprobate mind and God gives them God hardens their heart like Pharaoh and he's done with them and he wants to slay them he's through and that's why we need to make sure that we get our doctrine right about this because you don't hear it much but it's biblical. Look what the Bible says in John 12 it's not in my notes so I have to find the verse I believe it's in John 12 am I in the right place? 1239 thank you. It says in 1239 well let's look at verse 37 but though he had done so many miracles before them yet they believed not on him that the saying of his eyes the prophet might be fulfilled which he spake Lord who had believed our report and to whom at the arm of the Lord been revealed therefore they could not believe because the desire said again he had blinded their eyes and hardened their heart that they should not see with their eyes nor understand with their heart and be converted and I should heal them. Now a lot of people will twist these type of verses and try to teach Calvinism and try to teach you know God just foreordained certain people to go to hell you know I don't believe that for one second. Pharaoh in the beginning of that story the Bible says Pharaoh hardened his heart it doesn't say God hardened his heart it says Pharaoh hardened his heart he chose to reject the word of God he chose to reject the truth and these people saw all the miracles Jesus did heard all the preaching that Jesus did and they refused to believe on him and it got to a point where they could not believe it was too late they could not believe because God hardened their heart God blinded their eyes. Romans 1 goes into this in great detail about how people get blinded and turned over to a reprobate mind and given over unto vile affections and so forth that's what the Bible is talking about with these sons of Belial and that's why he said that that he would slay them and that it was just too late no matter what dad said they just weren't going to listen at that point but let me ask this was Eli responsible for the wickedness of his sons? Look at first Samuel 2 27 let's see what the Bible says was Eli held responsible for the fact that his children were out committing fortication they were stealing from the offering plate they're ungodly men look what the Bible says in first Samuel 2 27 and there came a man of God unto Eli and said unto him thus saith the Lord did I plainly appear unto the house of thy father when they were in Egypt in Pharaoh's house and did I choose him out of all the tribes of Israel to be my priest to offer upon mine altar to burn incense to where he fought before me and did I give unto the house of thy father all the offerings made by fire of the children of Israel wherefore kick ye at my sacrifice and at mine offering which I have commanded in my habitation watch this and honourest thy sons above me to make yourselves fat with the chiefest of all the offerings of Israel my people. He's blaming Eli saying you're honoring your sons above me look at verse 35 he says I will raise up I will raise me up a faithful priest basically what's he saying there Eli's not being faithful he's not being trustworthy he is not keeping the charge that the Lord has given him because of the fact that he has let his children commit these kind of wicked acts and watch what it says in chapter 3 flip over to chapter 3 so he said I'll raise me up a faithful priest that shall do according to that which is in my heart and in my mind but look at verse 12 of chapter 3 first Samuel 3 12 in that day I will perform against Eli all things which I have spoken concerning his house when I begin I will also make an end for I have told him that I will judge his house forever for the iniquity which he knoweth because his sons made themselves vile again the sons of Belial a word that's associated with them is vileness in Judges 19 and in Romans 1 and it says they made themselves vile and he restrained them not so Eli is being blamed for not doing what restraining them he did not restrain them he is not first of all he said a bad example he taught them poorly by his example of just an unfettered gratifying of the flesh but then he also failed to lead failed to discipline and to punish his sons they should have been punished you say well they're adult children now I don't really know how old these guys are the Bible doesn't really tell us how old these sons are they're old enough to be committing fornication you know so we don't know and they're also saying to people give it to me or I'm going to take it by force so they're old enough to have some force you know and you know sometimes big fat guys can be pretty strong right I mean if you think about it because you know they're carrying around all that weight all day I mean it can make you strong and so you know that's why in in a lot of sports you know there will be like a weight class between you know different boxers and things and obviously a lot of that weights muscle but a lot of guys that even if they have a lot of fat on them they still down there somewhere there's a lot of muscle down there all right buried beneath so what I'm saying is that these guys I believe were adults and you know they were probably not even just 18 19 they're probably a little older than that to be strong enough and just to be big and burly enough to kind of make those kind of threats and say you know you better give me what I want or I'm going to take it by force and for people to kind of be nervous about that they were big boys big strong guys and you say well that's not really Eli's fault but but hold on a second Eli had two sons they both turned out wrong what's that say about his parenting he's failing not only that but you know when they're older sometimes it is too late once Eli tried to correct them the Bible makes it clear that it already was too late but this shows Eli's failure earlier on now I believe of course in corporal punishment for children and the Bible's real clear about that you know we could turn to him a whole bunch of verses on that but if you would flip over to Proverbs 13 Proverbs 13 while you're turning there let me read for you from later on in the book of first Samuel because in first Samuel 7 we see when Samuel brings the nation back to God finally and when he brings them back to God Samuel says that Israel needs to put away the strange gods and Ashtoreth and serve the Lord only now what does that tell you that tells you that under Eli and his son's ministry they're serving all these false gods I mean they've turned away from the true God that's why they went in captivity the Philistines that's why the Ark of the Covenant gets taken captive all of these horrible things happen because of Eli's failure to lead properly and so now can you see why God in the New Testament doesn't want a pastor that doesn't rule his own house and that his children do these kind of things just as it destroyed the nation of Israel it could destroy a church it could cause people in the church to go into sin or people to quit the church and say well I'm not going to go there look at the pastor's children are monsters they're evil they're sons of Belial they're wicked and so forth but let me turn there myself in Proverbs chapter 13 we find one of the many verses that talks about disciplining your children and this will solve a lot of the problems that we see with wicked rebellious ungodly children the Bible says in verse 24 he that spareth his rod hateth his son but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes and betimes means early why early because the Bible says chasten thy son while there is hope and let not thy soul spare for his crying that tells me that there comes a point where there is no more hope and you need to chasten your son while there's hope go to Proverbs 23 verse 13 Proverbs 23 13 says this withhold not correction from the child and I've heard people tell me well when the Bible says you know not to spare the rod it's not talking about spanking it's not talking about you know beating your child with the rod what it's actually referring to is that rod with the hook on the end that the shepherd would have and he would use it to you know lovingly guide the sheep and everything I mean who's heard something like that I've heard people say you know when it says rod it's just figurative okay let's see if that adds up it says here in verse 13 withhold not correction from the child for if thou beatest him with the rod he shall not die so if you want to believe that that rod was that hook thing that's fine as long as it's being used to to beat you know if you want to put a little hook in the end of it that's up to you but to sit there and say well the rod that was just to put it around their neck I guess like when a comedian is drowning on stage you know they get that long rod with the hook on the end and kind of pull him off the stick you know I guess that's what they think God's talking about but that's not what God's talking about because he says in verse 14 thou shalt beat and you know I know this isn't one of the Ten Commandments but it almost sounds like it this could be number 11 thou shalt beat I mean just let those three words sink down into your this is not optional he says thou shalt beat him with the rod and shall deliver his soul from hell you say well if you love your child you wouldn't spank your child well if you love your child you want him to go to hell you want him to go and be a son of Belial because those men the sons of Eli went to hell they're in hell right now and why did Eli's sons go to hell because he did not beat them he did not punish them he did not teach them he did not bring them up in the nurture and admonition look it says they knew not the Lord he probably wasn't teaching them the Bible either now why would Eli a righteous and godly man not beat his children and not teach them the Bible let's see what I'm thinking of a word that could also be associated with somebody who's very heavy lazy exactly he's too lazy he's too late because look spanking your children's hard work because it's something that sometimes you're busy you're doing something and they need to be spanked and it's just so much easier just to tell them no or just to just to yell at them or you know just to whatever do what you want and just kind of let them run wild stick them in front of the TV so you know stick them somewhere else put them with a babysitter or daycare that's not going to spank of course so it's just a lot of work to read the Bible to your children every day teach them the Word of God discipline them and and do everything that a good parent should do it's hard work and those who are lazy will not do that work but they're going to suffer for it later go to chapter 29 of Proverbs and again I'm just barely touching on this because it's not what the whole sermon is about but there are plenty of scriptures that teach disciplining your children with the rod and in the New Testament because a lot of people will say well that's Old Testament well first of all Jesus Christ is the same yesterday today and forever so we need to be careful that we don't just throw out the whole Old Testament there it's profitable for doctrine today are there differences between the Old and New Testament yes but Jesus dying on the cross had nothing to do with how you discipline your children that didn't change okay and when we get to Hebrews 12 which is a New Testament passage it teaches the same thing whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth and scourgeth every son and we receive it furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us and we gave them reverence shall we not much rather be in subjection of the father of spirits and live it says for they barely chastened us for a few days after their pleasure but he for our profit that we might be partakers of his holiness so the Bible compares the physical discipline that our parents give us on this earth to the discipline that God gives us figuratively speaking as we go through life if we commit sin he will chasten us he will scourge us metaphorically speaking look at chapter 29 verse 17 where you are there correct thy son and he shall give thee rest yea he shall give delight unto thy soul this is a promise that Eli should have been able to claim he should have been able to say look I corrected my son now he's given me rest now he's bringing delight unto my soul the Bible has another promise train up a child in the way he should go and when he's old he'll not depart from it all that to say this God holds parents accountable for what their children do and and for controlling their children restraining their children disciplining their children correcting their children that is their responsibility and the child the Bible says the rod and reproof give wisdom but a child left to himself brings his mother shame why does it bring shame to the mother because she's responsible because she didn't do the disciplining that she needed to do she didn't spend time teaching the word of God and bringing them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord you say well what age is the age where you'll stop you know physically disciplining your children as far as giving them a spanking you know or or you know disciplining them with corporal punishment what would be the age that would stop well I would say this most people that I've known stopped spanking their children when they got to be around 11 12 I know my parents stopped spanking me when I was 11 but honestly that's not what I believe I don't believe that because honestly when I stopped getting spanked at age 11 I think was my last spanking it's not like then my parents just let me do whatever they want whatever I wanted after that my parents still had rules right when I was 12 13 14 15 16 so they still had rules for me but instead of getting spanked I would just get lectured more you know what I mean and and honestly I don't believe that that's effective I don't think it's effective and I believe in spanking your children if they hopefully as your children get older hopefully they need less and less as they get older or something's not sinking in but when they're little they need a lot of discipline because the Bible says foolishness is bound in the heart of a child but the rod of correction will drive it far from it see how many verses there are I mean I'm not quoting one verse tonight this is verse after verse after verse after verse about correcting your children displaying your children and honestly when I was a teenager I would have preferred getting a spanking to a long lecture anyway you know maybe everybody doesn't feel that way but those long lectures were painful you know I mean I'd much rather just have just gotten you know gotten a spanking and then just been done with it you know but our culture frowns upon that you know I think it becomes culturally unacceptable at a certain point to spank your teenager you know they look at that as you know you shouldn't do I don't know where they're getting that from because the Bible even talks about corporal but in fact I'd say about half the verses on corporal punishment in the Bible are about adults you know I mean if you want to dispute that let's let's look at the verses after the service I mean there are plenty of verses about corporal punishment of adults because back in those days if people had an employee that's refusing to work a servant who's refusing to work you know they would they would corporally punish them they would use a rod on them to get them back to work and honestly people who committed crimes in the Bible would get corporal punishment and by the way there's nothing inhumane about that you know what's inhumane locking somebody up in a cage that's inhumane and nowhere in this book cover to cover will you ever find where God taught that people should be put in a cage and locked up in prison for their crimes it's not a biblical doctrine prison is not a biblical teaching I don't believe in prison in the Bible when people committed crimes if they commit a crime they either had to pay the victim a certain amount of money or they'd be beaten with a rod or scourged with a whip or they would be killed if you know if they did something huge like murder they're going to be put to death lesser crimes were punished by a beating or a fine it's not humane to lock people up in solitary confinement it makes them go insane makes people lose their mind it's not humane to put people in prison and lock them up take them away from their family ruin their life I mean think about it if we went and asked the people in prison would you like to take a physical scourging right now and be released from prison you don't think that most of them would do it but yet they'll say oh that's so humane oh the Bible oh it's so mean oh you know and they whine about the Bible and now God is just so cruel but you know what's really cruel is locking people up and taking them away from their family instead of just punishing them and then forgiving them by the way and our our country doesn't forgive people either criminal record that they carry around with them for the rest of their life that is a in violation of the teachings of scripture the Bible says that when someone has paid for their crimes their sin should not be mentioned to them again says let him that stole steel no more let him work with his hands the thing that's good in the sight of the Lord he should you know people get out of prison sometimes they can't even get a job because they've got this felony and then they go back to crime it's stupid but there's a military industrial complex and there's also a prison industrial complex there are people who make money off the prison industry and and they there's a lot of corruption there 90 some percent of the people that are in prison right now don't belong there by the way and the other 10% should be put to death you know what I mean because there are people in prison right now that are pedophiles and murderers and rapists they should be put to death and then all the most the other 90 some percent of the other people in there are in for things that are not criminal offenses according to God's Word just just dumb stuff that they shouldn't be locked in that cage and if anything if they have done things like stealing you know that are crimes but not punishable by death then they should be scourged and released or made to pay fourfold or fivefold or whatever the judges determine but see this is biblical justice this is what's right so we are queasy today about corporal punishment of anyone over 12 or 13 or 14 or what you know we look at that like oh man that's crazy that's psycho but you know what I think it's crazy to lock people up in a cage and I think it's crazy to spend millions and billions of tax dollars on these prisons which and then you're putting all the bad people together quote unquote and then you know anyone who's kind of good is going to get corrupted in there and all kinds of wicked people are in there and then a lot of times they go in there and they lift weights and they come out and they're just huge and they can really you know hurt people you know because they because that's all they do all day right it's just you know get stronger trade tips with other criminals about you know how to perpetrate their crimes and then they're ready to come out and be you know criminal 2.0 ready to do even more wickedness so just because our society looks at something and frowns on something we shouldn't let that you know determine the way that we look at things and so I'm you know I hope as my children get older and obviously my older children are learning and growing and needing less and less discipline as they get older that and that's as it should be but I'll say this I I'm not there's not some age where I'm just going to be done spanking my children it's not going to happen you know I know that's controversial and you know that makes people upset but you know what if you're living in my house you know and and you need it you're going to get it it's that simple I mean I'm not going to sit there and say well he's too old to spank him you know she's too old to spank her okay what do we do yell at her for an hour and a half lecture for an hour and a half I mean what good that's not going to get the job done you know you need to discipline your children and so honestly Eli had these sons they were doing some really bad stuff I mean really bad stuff fornicating stealing from the Lord's offerings they were in major major sin I don't care how old they are Eli should have tanned their hides I mean I don't even care how old they it's not like they were married and living I mean it seems like they were I mean I don't know were they married but at this point we don't know I don't think that they were necessarily married at that point I believe later they were but these guys they're just committing fornication doesn't really call it adultery so probably these guys are single if they're single and they're living at home discipline them that's the way I see it but either way let's let's not go too deep into that story let's go back to 1 Timothy 3 with that in mind so now we've got a nice concrete example in our minds don't we of where this can go wrong where you're not ruling your house where you're not disciplining your children we can see how it leads a whole nation into sin it causes all kinds of people to turn away from God to turn away from the truth and so it says in 1 Timothy 3 4 that if we're going to have a pastor he needs to be one that ruleth well his own house having his children in subjection with all gravity what a subjection means it means they're not running the show he's running the show they're in subjection to him they are subject unto his rules and unto his laws and then it says for if a man know not how to rule his own house how shall he take care of the church of God and then it says in Titus you don't have to turn there but it says in Titus having faithful children not accused of riot or unruly now first of all let me say this a man who is not married is not qualified to pass her church nothing wrong with being single God can use single people greatly but they should not be the bishop or elder the Bible teaches that one of the qualifications that they are the husband of one wife tell it to the Roman Catholic Church by the way with all these unmarried bishops but the Bible says that the bishop must be the husband of one wife and by the way if you have children you have a wife to have those children with and how can you have faithful children how can you rule your children well how can you know how to rule your own house if you don't even have a house I mean if you're single you have no house because it's not talking about a building when it says house it's talking about your household your wife and children so you don't have the requisite experience to be a pastor unless you are married with children and you've proven that you are handling that responsibility now you're ready to move up to a bigger responsibility of handling a church because you've shown yourself faithful with your wife and children there are pastors out there who are not married there are pastors out there who are married but have no children you know I personally and I'm not saying that these are bad guys or that you know I hate them or want to fight them or expose them all I'm saying is this I don't believe that they're qualified and I and I will never be a participant of sending someone out to start a church or you know laying hands on someone to pastor a church unless they are married and have children you know unless they live up to these qualifications now some people will ask this question you know to what degree are parents responsible for their children's behavior now I will say this just because we raise our children right just because we bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord that does not mean that they're not going to go into sin in their life because of the fact that we all have our own free will let's not lose sight of that you can't just say that if anybody goes into sin at any point in their life it's their parents fault because even a godly righteous person can go into sin isn't that the truth I mean David was a man after God's own heart do you think that David was raised right by his parents I mean do you think that Jesse raised David right Jesse was David's father did he do a good job raising David of course because he grew up he's a man after God's own heart he loves God he serves God he's a prophet he did a lot of great things but when David was much older because remember he became king when he was 30 and he didn't start ruling in Jerusalem until he was about 37 and then sometime thereafter in fact long thereafter he had to be I don't know if I could pin down an exact number on it but there is a way to get in the range of how old David was when he committed adultery with Bathsheba because you can figure okay he's reigning in Jerusalem so we know it's in the latter 33 years of his reign plus it talks about his children and what geographic locations they were born in and those are the children that grew up and did the things that Amnon and Absalom and these people did so we're talking about a guy who was at least 50 years old okay we don't know the exact age you know if you want to try to pinpoint it with greater accuracy that'd be an interesting study but we know he's an older man so can you really say well because David committed adultery in his 50s you know that means that Jesse failed to rear him properly wouldn't that be kind of a silly argument to make so we're not saying because even a great person who's been raised right can still fall look I could fall into sin you could fall into it let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall none of us is above sinning we all need to guard our hearts and guard ourselves and be careful and we can't just blame everything on our parents so we want to get a balanced view of this want to understand that okay first of all wouldn't it be safe to agree that while children are living in the home they are for sure for sure that the that the parents should be held accountable for what they're doing and not doing I mean if they're living at home and you're allowing them to do all this stuff that's a failure on your part for sure and then also if your children all grow up and two out of two are sons of Belial you've done wrong you've failed you're not parenting properly now let me give you some examples in real life just to try to help us understand this qualification there was a guy who was an assistant pastor at a church that I went to and his children when they became teenagers just started committing all kinds of awful sin and one of them was making railing accusations against innocent people committing fornication you know doing all kinds of wicked things and fornication is similar to what Eli's sons were doing and it's a major sin it's a sin that should get you kicked out of church you know when you're a fornicator so these teenagers are wicked one of them is committing fornication a railer a few of the things that God brings up as being serious matters for the church in first Corinthians five and basically I I went to the pastor and I said look you know this is going on I said how is this guy I just said how is this guy qualified to be the assistant pastor when his children are ungodly and when they're committing fornication doing all this stuff I said he's not ruling well his own house his children are accused of riot and unruly and what's the deal and here's here's what the pastor told me he said well you know the way around that because we're always looking for a way around that he said the way around that is that you know a way for them to handle that is to basically they'll send the kid off to like a brat camp or you know they'll send them to these roll out Lester roll off homes or the what's it called somebody help me out what's that somebody know what I'm talking about in in Stockton Missouri there's a place you know what I'm talking about it's called one of them's called agape agape boarding school and then there's another I don't remember what they're called okay but it's these places where you send wayward kids when they're a teenager and they straighten them out and they have one for the for the boys and they have one for the girls and you ship your kid off to this agape boarding school or this roll off home and basically they're going to straighten your kid out and he said you know so that's why he can continue being assistant pastor because he's sending her off to this place so she's not in his house anymore look that is so ridiculous that is the most bizarre thing I've ever heard because look if you can't rule your own house so that you have to outsource that you know to some other I mean then how in the world are you ruling in the house of God sit down shut up and let somebody else rule that is getting the job done I mean why don't we bring them all from Missouri to be the assistant pastor if they're the ones that are so good at straightening your kid out why don't you straighten your kid out what are they going to do to your kid that you can't do to your kid because you know what they'll do at these places use corporal punishment you know it's like and by the way I don't believe in those places and by the way they don't work I mean I knew somebody I knew a friend of mine that said to me hey what's the name of that place because you know my stepdaughter is just so bad and so wicked and so on guys she's into all this you know we got to send her off to that place and I said look I said I'll tell you the name of the place but I said it's not going to work it's a bad place you know I don't agree with that approach you need to deal with it yourself you and your wife need to deal with it yourself and sending her off to that place is not the answer just give me the name of the place okay you know so I gave the name of the place in Missouri and this girl gets shipped off there and boy was I wrong I mean you know this my friend is telling me how wrong I was because man they have transformed her she's like a different person she is just fixed she's saved she loves God now but and I mean I've known people from these places and it's pretty impressive because they'll send groups around sometimes to churches from these schools to advertise the school and get support and and these places the I mean these young people are sharp and I remember I was in church one time and they showed up with a group of these young guys and I mean these guys were sharp young teenage boys they're up there singing hymns they're quoting scripture my favorite Bible verse is thou therefore endure hardness as a good soldier of Jesus Christ and they're talking about their testimonies of how they got saved and how they love God and how they want to be a pastor someday and I mean it's pretty impressive and this girl that was the stepdaughter of a friend of mine that was sent off to this brat camp it was pretty impressive the turnaround I mean she was just wearing beautiful skirts and dresses she's quoting scripture she's memorizing whole Psalms everything is yes ma'am yes sir hallelujah praise God I mean everything then she was released a year later and they'd go to visit her and she's just perfect she's like you know just this fundamental Baptist robot after about a year she's released and she she was and then it's like she still liked that she stayed that way for like two and a half days seriously I mean for like two and a half days it was yes sir yes ma'am hallelujah praise the Lord you know and and just everything was great but literally like two three four days it just started wearing off next thing you know she's on drugs she's in a motel room with some guy in his 40s she you know she's like 18 or whatever you know she's on crack she's on drugs she's with the you know getting arrested I mean look it doesn't work you know this whole thing I've just I mean look you can send somebody to an indoctrination camp and brainwash them and and force them to do certain things and you can conform the outward appearance in that way but you know unless there's a change of heart you know it doesn't work and I've I've known other that's just one example I've known other people and look I'm not saying that there couldn't be a success story out of those places you know so I mean if you come up to me after the service and say I've got a success story from that place and I could show you somebody whose life was changed and who's pastoring today and who's a great person I'll say praise the Lord and I'm not I'm not upset at the success story and I'm glad that there are success stories but the exception proves the rule and are there exceptions I'm sure there are even if it's 50-50 I'm just saying that a person and look if you're going to send orphans to a place where they raise them great but you know what raise your own kid if orphans are sent to an orphanage great but when you ought not be sending your kids to an orphanage because you don't want to raise them because you don't want to deal with and a lot of times people get divorced and remarried and then the new spouse is like I don't want the son of the bond woman to inherit with my son you know like Sarah said about Hagar so then they'll ship them off too to the brat camp and they'll ship them off to the and there are other other camps like that too I heard about this same girl she was sent off to this survival camp have you heard of this and they say like this will straighten your kids out it teaches them to appreciate things and they put them out in the desert for like 50 days and they have to live off the land and they have to just you know eat and survive and sleep outside and build fires and cook food and they live this really ascetic life and just learn about survival it's like a wilderness camp have you heard of this and it's expensive it's like $20,000 or something you know to send your teenager off for 50 days of just you know wilderness trading on being good but honestly someone who asked to send their kid off like that because they can't get the job done maybe they should send their whole church off to brat camp you know because if they don't know how to rule their own house how can they take care of the church of God but obviously if we have a guy like let's say there's Jesse and he's got a bunch of kids and you know what Jesse's kids they all grew up from what we read in scripture it seems like they all turned out pretty good obviously some of them were talking smack to David at the whole Goliath thing but they were good guys I mean they were just and David later on in life he had them in his kingdom and their soldiers and their generals and everything for him and he had these guys and from what you can tell it seems like they were at least guys who loved the Lord David's brothers and sisters so you know if somebody has a bunch of kids and a bunch of their kids are good and then one of them you know goes off and does something really bad that doesn't mean that the dad is just a bad person or that the mom is a bad person or that they've completely failed in parenting because they had 10 kids and one of them went into sin that's not what the Bible is teaching but what the Bible is teaching is that one has to be ruling their own house well teaching and training their children properly and that if we teach and train our children properly in general they will grow up and be righteous people and if the kids are growing up and being unrighteous if the teenagers are unrestrained if the young adult children living in the home are unrestrained then that is a problem and the pastor is disqualified now I'm you know I'm almost out of time I have like no time left for the other half of the sermon so I'm just going to briefly touch upon the other point of the fact that not only should the children be right but also the relationship between husband and wife should be right for a man to be qualified to be the pastor now first of all I mentioned it before you got to be married and I have young men ask me all the time you know I want to be in the ministry one day what do I do to prepare get married because you know by the time you get married you're still a ways off from being in the ministry because you need to get married and you need to have children and that takes time and not only that but you know getting married when you first get married you don't know much about marriage you got to learn and grow in that thing as you go and then you learn and grow in your child rearing and you get to a point where you're mature enough and you know what you're doing and you're ready to take on the additional responsibility of pastoring a church but when you are the man of the house not only are you held responsible for what your children do but I believe you were also held responsible for what your wife does now again this is controversial but the Bible is telling us in first Timothy three eleven that if the wife is not at a certain standard then the man's not qualified the man's not ruling his house if the wife is what are the things listed there if she's not grave if she's a slanderer she's not sober I mean let me ask this what if my wife were not sober would I be held responsible for that well I mean I can't control if she goes to the bar and drinks and by the way I know a pastor whose wife goes to the bar every other Friday night to every two weeks and drinks at a bar okay that's not right and he's not qualified and even you know he's a drunkard himself but if he didn't touch a drop of alcohol and he just said well you know that's her choice that's what she does no you need to rule your house and not allow your wife to go to the bar and drink because we as men and you say well you know you can't rule your wife okay go to Genesis three sixteen go to Genesis three sixteen what does the Bible say but you're not actually saying well what did the Bible say it says in Genesis three sixteen it says unto the woman he said I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception in sorrow thou shall bring forth children and thy desire shall be to thy husband and he shall rule over thee the most unknown verse in the whole Bible and it's funny because John three sixteen's the most famous verse Jen three sixteen is the is the most unknown verse so you know it is it's interesting that's the spectrum of Bible verses you know Genesis three sixteen is somewhere between you know Adam Seth Enos and Keenan Mahalil Jared as being you know some of the most unknown verses in the Bible just unknown nobody knows it doesn't exist because it's not preached across the pulpit that's why you got to read the Bible for yourself because pastors won't preach everything in the Bible many times you got to read it for yourself because if you read it yourself it won't take long to get to Genesis three sixteen because it's only the third chapter I mean it's January first on the Bible reading chart January first I mean talk about a basic biblical truth you should have got this down on January first it says here that the husband is to be a ruler in the home ruling their children and their own houses well that means that the husband is not just the boss of the children he's the boss of the whole family including his wife including the child and and look with being the boss comes responsibility we are held responsible for our children's behavior we are held responsible for our wife's behavior and we should not think that a guy is qualified to pastor if his wife is out of control his wife's committing adultery his wife's a drunk his wife is a railer his wife is committing all this sin by the way don't let your wife dress however she wants ouch don't let you know if your wife is dressed inappropriately you make her go in and get changed and you know what that takes something that a lot of men don't have guts courage to stand up to your wife and tell her hey you know that skirts too short or let's change out those pants for a skirt okay and what you know is it oh how dare you but we need leadership that will set a standard and rule the house and look there are a lot of benefits this isn't a pro-man anti-woman sir because there are a lot of benefits to being a woman you know you that that in some ways being a wife is I mean I don't think that every wife would prefer to be a man or something you know women have their own benefit to their job and to their function that God has given them you know they don't have to worry and stress about finances and working and doing all that stuff so they have certain luxuries of staying home and taking care of things at home and then there are luxuries to being the husband I mean look aren't there benefits to being the husband and benefits to being the wife and I think most wives are happy to be wives and most husbands are happy to be the husband I mean how many men do you know that want to be a house husband and it's out there I mean especially in 2014 it's increasingly common the house husband and you know she goes out and works the career and he stays home and breastfeeds the baby I mean it's out there it exists and today there is a lot of this role reversal but you know and I and look a lot of times I help my wife out like especially with this pregnancy it's been a complicated pregnancy I've helped her out but guess what I hated every minute of it sometimes you know what I mean I mean I like I like helping but I don't like just completely taking over her job for a few days yeah that is not something that I enjoy at all at all thank God for my mother she flew out here and was with us for a month when we were going through the all the complications with the twin pregnancy and everything like that thank God for my mother who stepped into that role because you know I don't mind helping out around the house but you know what just taking on that role I that would be a miserable life in my opinion just I'm just not wired that way because I'm a right exactly and you know what how many women do you see just miserable in the workforce how many grumpy women in the workforce and they're just like oh you know give me my coffee you know you know hey how you doing well it's Monday it's Monday you know hey how you doing well it's Friday it's almost over you know you're just like whoa enjoy life a little bit but a lot of time you know they're just that's how I'd be if I were you know having to do my wife's job and I respect my wife's job because it's a hard job you know being a wife and a mother I mean it's a hard job it should be respected and and honored it shouldn't be like oh you don't work oh you're unemployed you know they probably count us in some unemployment statistic because my wife doesn't work or something she's an unemployed American between the age of whatever so what I'm saying is that you know men and women have different roles what did they have to do it can somebody help me figure out where I was in my sermon these notes aren't what is it that's just what you want me to talk more about okay but anyway what I'm saying is you know I you know there are benefits to being the wife there are benefits to being the husband there are advantages I guess would be the better word advantages to being the wife advantages to being the husband you know and we both have our role and men are happier when they stick with their role and women are happier when they stick with their role but here's the thing though with privilege comes responsibility part of being a husband is not just being the boss but also being responsible and so we are responsible for the home we should be responsible for what comes into the home what goes out of the home you know and if we if we see things as the man of the house DVDs that we believe are ungodly audio CDs that we believe are ungodly clothing that we believe is ungodly I reserve the right to destroy it throw it in the trash because I'm responsible before God so if I'm going to be held responsible for before God then you know I need to be able to clean the house and get it nice and clean the way that God wants it and I'm not talking about you know on my hands and knees with a bucket and a mop I'm talking about cleaning it spiritually all right because I don't like that job I already told you okay today I'm just kidding so so what I'm saying is that we as men whether you're gonna be a pastor or not need to be the leaders we need to take a stand we need to make sure that our children are not living an ungodly life and you know obviously with our wife she's probably hopefully mature enough and godly enough to not need the the care of a child okay obviously I'm not trying to belittle women and put them in the same category as children obviously you know hopefully you've married a godly righteous virtuous woman that doesn't need constant restraint no you're not going to the bar Zuzia you're not gonna wear that those tight pants Zuzia no honey stop asking me about that DVD you know that's not what I'm saying because obviously my wife is godly and and she can do a lot of things are but you know what there are times when I'll tell my wife no but honestly ruling our house is part of being a man but if you want to be a pastor someday it's critical it's crucial and also we could go into all the other aspects of the right relationship with your wife a loving relationship a caring relationship all the good things that you should be doing and I have a lot more in my notes about the husband-wife relationship but we're out of time and so I just wanted to drive in tonight the meaning of this qualification one that rule it well his own house having his children in subjection with all gravity you know I heard about a pastor recently who his wife left him four months ago still pastoring still preaching sorry but you you're not qualified I mean if my wife if my wife were even on the verge of leaving me I would immediately step down as pastor and say hey I'm failing in this other area this is more important I need to deal with this I'm sorry that I failed you know let me salvage this relationship because obviously my relationship with my wife is more important than pastoring this church because I can always find another church to attend but I can't just go find another wife right you can find another church you can find another job but you can't find another wife if my wife were even on the verge of that I would be stepping down and saying I'm sorry you know I I've blown it and I would hand it off to someone else but but here I mean when your wife already left and you're just still pastoring still qualified in what universe and we've got pastors today that are I mean look now actually now that I think about I've heard of several pastors lately whose wife left and they just kept pastoring my friend went to a church and he showed up to visit he was a first-time visitor at a church and they were voting on whether the pastor should still pastor because his wife had just left him and they all voted to keep him around and it's just I mean it's just it today these are being ignored these things and so I understand obviously that there are situations of a more minor nature that happen or that for example a man's wife could die but if she died that doesn't mean that he didn't rule well his own house because she died you know and obviously he's still qualified he should probably eventually get remarried I believe but he's still qualified in the meantime because he showed himself that he ruled well while his wife or children were alive but when you've got a guy whose wife is forsaking him and leaving him and his children are gone and his wife's gone and well but he's still a great pastor no you know people need to step down if that happens okay and I like I said I would sit down before that happened if I even felt like my marriage were falling apart I would step down but thank God I have a great marriage I love my wife my wife loves me and and things are going great but I'm just driving in today the importance of this guy's if you want to pastor someday the greatest thing you can do to prepare yourself is to have a great marriage and and do some great parenting I mean that's that's one of the major qualifications and and you know you single guys learn how to talk to girls you know because if you can't I mean if you can't get a woman to follow you you know how are you going to start that how are you going to start that church and get a whole bunch of people to follow your preaching you know I mean if you can't approach girls and talk to them you know how are you going to do the soul winning and the pastoring and the preaching that you need to do so let's have a word of prayer father we thank you so much for your word Lord and we thank you so much for all the the qualifications you've given not because you're just being mean to people and you just want to stop people from pastoring that would just be great pastors but you just want to stop them Lord we know you've given us these qualifications for a reason help us to just respect that help us to just take heed unto that and to realize that these qualifications are to protect us and it's also to give young men a checklist of things to work on in their life so that they can become qualified to pastor someday I thank you so much that that I'm allowed to be the pastor of a church where there are a lot of young men who want to pastor someday that's really a blessing and I pray that you would help me to train them to the best of my ability and I pray that you would give me wisdom and them wisdom and and help these qualifications to be very serious to us and in Jesus name we pray amen.