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preparing for marriage and once again this is a sermon that is pretty specific to a certain group of people and that's obviously for people that are not married and people that are soon to be married but at the same time we're not dispensationalists in this room. We believe that all scripture is given by inspiration of God and He is profitable. So whether or not you're married or unmarried you can learn from this sermon. That's what's great about the word of God that it's so deep that no matter what the sermon is you're going to learn something okay and so I am preaching this sermon preparing for marriage though because the truth is that in this room there are a lot of people that in these next couple years you know are probably going to end up being married. We have quite a few people and honestly it's my job to try to help prepare you for things like this and I've touched on a lot of these things in sermons but I think it's good to preach kind of a full-length sermon about this. Now let me say this that there will be quite a bit of crossover when it comes to finances as there was in the last sermon but when it comes to preparing for marriage that's honestly a large part of it and so it's good to hear again. It will help you prepare for marriage. Now notice what it says in Genesis 2 verse 24. The Bible reads in Genesis 2 verse 24, therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave onto his wife and they shall be one flesh. And see the Bible says that the ideal plan is this that you leave father and mother and then when you get married you cleave under your spouse, you cleave under your wife and your one flesh. Under the perfect scenario, people before they're married would live with their parents and their parents would be godly parents and they would stay there and then they would end up getting married and then they would live with their spouse away from everybody else. They'd have their own place. I'm not saying they'd have a rich fancy house but they have their own place to live. That's the ideal plan. And so when you get married you have to understand you're supposed to cleave onto your spouse. You become one flesh. What that means is this, that you're going to share in all the burdens together of life. It's not something where it's like, well it's totally the woman's job or totally the man's. You share in all these things together. Yes we have roles in the Bible but when it comes to finances, when it comes to the man providing, there is going to be some crossover and you're one flesh. And so if your husband's in debt, you're in debt. These things work together. You're one flesh, you're together in this. Now here's what you have to understand. When it comes to the world, the world does not prepare you for marriage at all. There's this secular music on the radio and the secular music will always talk about how the so and so is so attractive and you just love them so much and everything. And they make you think that once you get married, no problems are left. Everything's just going to be perfect in life. You'll have no problems, you're always going to be happy because you're just so attractive to that person that everything's going to be perfect. I hate to break it to you but like all topics, the world lies to you. The world is preparing people to get divorced in this world or preparing people to seek for an annulment in this country since you can't get divorced. The world is preparing people for failure. They're not preparing you for marriage, they're preparing you for failure by making you think that everything's going to be perfect. That is not the truth, that's not the way it works out and just reading through the Bible and looking at everybody's marriages, you can tell that's not the case. Because in the Bible, people that are married, they struggle with marriage. It's not easy. And so quite honestly, the world is lying to you with these romance songs and these TV shows and movies and everything like that. They're completely lying to you. One of the big problems is they talk about love, love, love, love, love. But in the Bible, you'll always see that love implies action. It's not just to feel. Yes, you have to feel strongly about who you're married to, but love is not just a feeling. Love is actually action involved. And I don't care how much your wife finds you attractive. She thinks you're the funniest person ever, but if you're a miserable husband, you're not going to look that attractive after a couple months. You're not going to be so funny. All of a sudden, your jokes aren't going to be so funny. That's the truth. You might say, Brother Stuckey, I'm in this room, and when I get married, we're going to seek to do what the Bible says, and you can cling on to our spouse. We're going to be one flesh. We're going to separate from the parents. We're going to live on our own. That's our goal, and that's what we're striving for. Now, look, I think it's good to have that goal. And there's a lot of reasons why the Bible talks about this. You say, why is it so important that when you first get married, you're kind of alone? You have some privacy. I'm not saying that you never talk to your parents. I talk about parents every week. I think you should, especially if you have godly parents, you should love them. You should all call your moms today and say, happy Mother's Day. That's a reminder there. So I'm not saying just, hey, never talk to them. But when you get married, you're going to go through a lot of changes. And you need to get to know your spouse. And as much as you think you know them now, it changes when you get married. It's different when you go on dates versus when you're together all the time at home. And another reason why it's so important you have some privacy is that when you fight, not if you fight, when you fight, you need to be able to work that out with your spouse alone. From a practical standpoint, let's say that my wife and I live with her parents. If the two of us get into an argument, whose side do you think her parents are going to take? You're going to take her side. Why? Because that's Daddy's little girl. That's their daughter. And vice versa. If we live with my parents, my parents are naturally going to side with me. That's the way it works. And guess what? That causes problems in the marriage. And see, it's best when you have problems to figure that out with your spouse. Because once you involve your parents and other people, it's just going to make matters worse. Because eventually you will forgive your wife when you got mad at her the next day. Whatever it was, you're over it the next day. But if you get your family and relatives involved, in the back of their minds, it's like, oh, you know his wife's not that good. Or her husband's not that good. So you want to be careful about this stuff. And when you have problems, you want to deal with it alone. You can't. So you can get over those things. Okay? And things can heal. Now turn to 1 Timothy 5. 1 Timothy 5. And so the first thing I want you to understand is this. That when it comes to being married and preparing for marriage, one thing you need to prepare for is financially prepare for marriage. Right? This we're talking about first because honestly it's a big part of being prepared for marriage is financially preparing for it. Now, there's a lot of people in this room and some of you might seek to have both couples work. And some of you might say, you know, my wife's going to stay home and raise the kids. And my husband's going to work. And I think that's a good goal to set. But I want you to notice 1 Timothy 5. I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak approachfully. This is the ideal situation. It's a great situation. But from a logical standpoint, if your wife's not working, that's money that you're not having come into your home. Okay? If your wife's staying at home and you're having kids, look, it costs money to have kids. There are expenses associated. You and your wife right now, you make enough money to survive. But once you get married, guess what? There's going to be more expenses coming. And so what you shouldn't do is just waste all of your money now but you should actually prepare. Now, when it comes to preparing, this is something that both the husband and the wife should be involved in. You say, why? Because two become one. That's what Bob teaches. You're both involved in this thing of financially preparing for marriage. Turn to Proverbs 31. I know we looked at it this morning, but let's look at it again. And I want to show you something I didn't show you this morning here in Proverbs 31. But I want to show you the woman's role in making this happen. We looked at a few of these verses, but I want to highlight verse 10 and show you something the Bible is teaching us. Proverbs 31, verse 10. Who can find a virtuous woman for her price is far above rubies? When the Bible is talking about a virtuous woman, it says her price is far above rubies. Basically, that virtuous woman is worth spending every cent you got. And that's the truth. If you have a godless spouse, you should be thankful for that. It's worth it to have a virtuous wife. I think there's a bit of a dual meaning coming here though. Because it compares in verse 10 the woman to rubies. Now, what are the next several verses talking about? We're talking about finances. I think literally it's saying that you might have rubies and all this money, but quite honestly, if you have a godly spouse, she's not going to spend all of your money, and she's going to do you good. So even from a financial standpoint, having a virtuous woman is going to help you out. Because most people just spend every cent they got. They have money, they spend it. It doesn't matter how much money you have, most people are in debt in America. It doesn't matter if they make $150,000 a year, they just spend it and buy these fancy vehicles, a new one every year, and then they just go in debt. They go above their knees. That's what people do. They don't use their heads, they're not smart, they're not like a virtuous woman. So quite honestly, having a virtuous spouse for price is above rubies. I don't think it's merely being symbolic here. In verse 11, the heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that it shall no need of spoil. From a financial standpoint, the husband can safely trust in his spouse. What is the woman's job in making this happen? It's the fact that she's smart with her money, but we're talking about preparing for marriage. Yes, this is the virtuous woman, but before you're married, as a woman, you should not just spend everything you have. You should be smart with money. If you have money saved up, that's good. That's smart. Save up as much as you can. Prepare for marriage. You say, but Brother Stuckey, I'm not too stressed out about money. There is nothing in the world that's going to stress out a husband more than finances. Nothing stresses out a husband more. Ask any of the husbands in this room, what's the number one thing that stresses me out in life or that can stress me out? Financial problems. That's the number one thing that can stress me out. If you're a woman in this room, you say, it doesn't really bug me that much. It's going to bug your husband, though. He will be stressed out about providing for that family. He's going to be stressed out, so what can you do as a virtuous woman? Save up money before you're married? Be smart with money. Don't spend everything that you have. Verse 12, she will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. This starts with actually preparing for this step of marriage. Save up now. You know, when it comes to most people, at least coming from America, in America, most women in their 20s, they have a massive college debt to pay off. You say, how much? About two and a half million pesos. Two million pesos is how big of a debt they have coming out of college? That's the reality. Now, I don't think people get that big of a debt from college here. That's the sort of debt you have in America. So here's the thing. If there's a young lady who decides, hey, you know what? I want to follow the biblical principles. I want to stay home and raise the kids. Here's the problem with that. How are you going to pay off those two million pesos since you're in debt? And see, what I want you to understand is this, that if you get a big debt, you might not be able to do what you want to do, okay? But if you prepare for marriage, you might be able to do that. People oftentimes have a big credit card debt. Look, if you get a big credit card debt, you're going to have to work really hard to pay that off. You might not be able to do what the Bible says and then have your spouse stay home. And so as wives, what you should do is prepare financially, okay? Just like husbands. Now, it doesn't necessarily mean that you're preparing to have a fancy career because if you say, hey, I've talked about it with my boyfriend. I'm going to stay home and raise the kids. Then that, you don't necessarily need to get a big fancy degree. But you still need to prepare financially. You still should save up money if you can. Don't just spend money if you get it. Somebody gives you, maybe your parents give you, you know, a gift for, you know, your birthday. They give you, I don't know, 2,500 pieces or whatever. Hey, you can just save that money for marriage. You don't have to just spend it, okay? You can actually save that money and be smart. If you don't have money, you don't spend it. It's not rocket science. But people don't seem to figure that out because people seem to think, hey, if I have any amount of money, I'm just going to spend everything. No, why don't you just save that money, okay? Save it for a rainy day. Prepare for marriage. Now, turn to Genesis 47. And so there is a part for wives to take a place in this of preparing for marriage financially. Ladies in this room, before you're married, try to save up money. Definitely try not to get in debt. Try to save up money. Don't just spend everything you have but prepare for it. Prepare for your husband. Because if you get married and you have a big debt and you cause problems financially, your husband is going to be frustrated a lot. He's not going to be as nice to you because he's always stressed out about money. So ladies in this room, one thing you need to do is prepare for marriage financially. Now, husbands, you need to do this as well. Now, look at Genesis 47, verse 6. Genesis 47, verse 6. The land of Egypt is before thee. In the best of the land, thy father and brethren can dwell. In the land of Goshen, let them dwell. This is after Joseph has seen his brothers and everything. They're coming into Egypt. There's the big famine in the land. Notice what it says next. And if thou knowest any men of activity among them, then make them rulers over my cattle. What does it mean to be a man of activity? It basically means you work hard. Right? Men of activity. See, the secret to being a ruler over cattle or making it in a company is hard work. That's the secret. Now, I want to read to you this verse in the NIV, the non-inspired version, as we would say. Because they've got to change this part. It doesn't say if thou knowest any men of activity. This is what it says. And if you know of any among them with special ability. Is that the same thing as being a man of activity? No. Special ability versus man of activity. What's the NIV teaching you? Hey, if you're super talented, then you know what? You're going to be a ruler over cattle. Look, I don't care how talented you are at your job. If you take a sick day every week, you'll get fired. It doesn't matter how much special ability you have. That's not going to help you in life. It doesn't matter if you're the greatest poet in the world. And boy, you wrote that romantic poem for your wife and everything like that. But look, if you're too lazy to write any poems for her once you're married, she's not going to like that very much. Having special ability doesn't make you successful in life. You know what makes you successful? Hard work. You see, what the Bible says is to become a ruler over cattle if thou knowest any man of activity. Any men of activity among them. Not someone with special ability. Now quite honestly, this is the way it works in the Christian life as well. And this is encouraging to every one of us in this room. You become successful as a Christian not because you were born with some gift, but because you actually work hard. It doesn't matter how talented you are if you don't read the Bible, if you don't do soul winning, if you don't memorize the Bible, if you don't pray, you won't be that successful in the Christian life. Being successful in the Christian life is not about the ability. It's about hard work. You could look at the secular world as well. When it comes to athletes that are really successful, yes, they have to have a level of ability. But if they never work hard at all, and they're just lazy and out of shape, they still won't make it as an athlete. Yes, the special ability in the secular world is necessary, but you also have to work hard. Now when it comes to the Christian life, you really just need to work hard. And the great thing about providing for a family and making it in life is if you work hard in life as a husband, you will find something where you can make money to survive. If you're a hard worker. If you're a man of activity, as the Bible says, that's what God's advice is. That's not the NIV's advice, but look, we're a Baptist church. We're not becoming less Baptist with time. We're sticking to the good old King James here. Turn to Ephesians 6. Now let me tell you something. I know what it's like to be a really young person and zealous and excited for the things of the Lord. I got saved when I was 18 years old and everything was new to me, so I kind of just dove into Bible stuff. I was going soul winning and everything, reading the Bible. Quite honestly though, I didn't take my professional career seriously enough. That's kind of like, you know, whatever, I'm just reading the Bible and serving God and everything. But you realize later on in life that that's a bit of a mistake. Now quite honestly, the Bible tells you that yes, you work hard to serve the Lord, but you also work hard in your career. See, the Bible says that God knows that he's made of activity. So as God's people, we should be the hardest workers on our job. You say, I work at a company, there's 10 people in the office. Guess what? You should be the hardest worker. You say, what? You want to make a good example of being a Christian and understanding that the Lord is your boss, understanding promotion comes from the Lord, guess what? You should be the hardest worker. That's the smart thing to do. Because God's the one who provides. You should be the hardest worker. So look, I know what it's like to be a young guy. I was in my 20s, didn't take my career very seriously. Then you find out, wow, you know what, if I don't take it seriously, I'm not going to make it very far in life. The truth is you need a balance. Obviously you need to come to church and go soul-willing and read the Bible, but what I always stress in this church is do not just forsake your career and just forsake everything in terms of your future. What I'm preaching to you is prepare for marriage. As a husband that's going to provide for your family, you need to figure out a career. Otherwise you're not going to be able to provide for your family. Now look, in America, blue-collar jobs where you basically just work as an electrician or a plumber, they make as much money as white-collar jobs. I've always worked white-collar jobs. I have a math degree. I started in engineering. I was just behind a computer all day. But in America, if you work at pretty much any job, you work hard and you're going to make it up very easily. It's not as easy here in the old days. And so if you're smart at a young age, you're going to prepare for marriage, develop a career, because when you get older, you reach the point where companies don't want to hire a new person. While you're young, you can fix that. But if you wait, you're not going to be able to fix that. You must try to fix that at as young of an age as possible. And if you don't, you're going to find that other people are getting hired for a company and you're not. Why? You don't have any experience. If I own a company, I'm going to hire somebody with experience, okay? If I ran a computer programming company, I'll hire somebody who has a computer programming experience. If I ran a company as an electrician and I had jobs, I'd hire electricians that do what they were doing. I'd hire people with experience. It's only logical. You say, wait a minute, but if I'm one of God's people and I serve God and I'm a soul winner, then God's going to make sure I get the job. No, because God told you to work hard. He told you to prepare. You're hearing him preach, so He expects you to do that. We can't just always expect God's going to bail me out if I don't do what God tells me to do. That's the truth behind it. If I just see advice on a topic and just don't take any. For example, next week we're going to start a series on biblical health. If you hear that series and you just don't take any of the advice, you can't just expect that God's going to pull and bail you out when all the advice is coming straight from the Bible. It's not going to be an Atkins seminar next week or whatever seminar. It's going to be straight from the Bible. What does the Bible say? And if you see what the Bible says and you say, well, you know what, I'm just going to do the opposite, God's not going to bail you out. You've got to do what the Bible says. You need to prepare for marriage, especially as husbands, by developing a career. Figure out how am I going to provide for a family. It's very important. In Ephesians 6, notice what it says in verse 5. Servants, be obedient to them that your master is according to the flesh, with fear and trembling and singleness of your heart as unto Christ. It doesn't matter who your boss is. The Bible says look at it as you're obeying unto Christ. I worked a job. I got a job as a teacher and I got hired to be a teacher and so I put in my own job and then they told me, actually, you have to wait eight weeks to be hired. Because they said I had to pass the fingerprint clearance test and so I had eight weeks for I didn't have a job so I got a job at a car wash for eight weeks. Working at a car wash is not the most glamorous job. I was like I have eight weeks where I have nothing to do. I'm going to do something. I want to make some money. So I got a job at a car wash. My boss was the biggest jerk ever. It was like 110 degrees, not Celsius, Fahrenheit outside. 110 degrees. We're talking about 45 degrees Celsius. It's pretty hot. That would be 113 degrees Fahrenheit at 45 Celsius. So it's probably 43 degrees Celsius. It's around 110 degrees. I was up at a really tall ladder just painting. Out in the sun just had sweat pouring down from me and the boss is yelling because some of the paint is dripping. He's like good night. It's 110 degrees outside. I'm sweating. I'm soaked in sweat. I'm glad I did that because for one I need to make money. I don't want to just sit around and do nothing. For two, your boss, look at him as on to Christ as the Bible says. Whoever your boss is, God gave you that boss for a reason. Maybe God gave you that boss to teach me to work hard. What ends up happening is when you have a job like that for eight weeks that's terrible, you're very thankful for your next job. Perhaps God says I'll give you a terrible job so you'll be thankful for whatever I provide you. We have to understand that God's on our side. He wants us to be successful, but we have to do what the Bible says. Quite honestly, you have a lot of bosses out there. They're not the greatest bosses in the world. That's just the way it is. Unless you start a company, you're not going to be your own boss. You have to just say no matter who the boss is, I'm just going to make ends meet and I'm going to be successful. Verse number six, not with eye service as men pleasers, but as the servants of Christ doing the will of God from the heart. What does it mean in verse number six? Verse number six, with eye service as men pleasers. It means that when your boss sees you, you work hard, but when your boss doesn't see you, you don't work hard. If you've worked in an office, you know what this is like. When your boss is walking down the hallway, everybody's just got their computers, just answering the phone and everything. Everybody's working hard. Why? Because they're doing it with eye service as men pleasers. They want their boss to see them. As a Christian, that's a foolish attitude. Why? Because we know who our boss is. Promotion cometh from the Lord. So whether or not your boss on earth sees you or not, you still work hard because you have a heavenly boss. That's the way it works. And if you want to be successful, that's what you're going to do. And look, I believe in what the Bible says. I believe that if you get a job, you develop a career, you work hard, even if it's not the greatest job, if you work hard and do what the Bible says, God will make sure that he provides your needs. And promotion cometh from the Lord. Do we believe that is true? Because if you believe that, you're going to work hard at your job and trust in God to help you out, no matter what that job is. No matter what that job is, that job is given for you to provide, and your boss is the Lord, whether or not they're a so many Christian, which is unlikely, or whether or not they're a jerk. It doesn't change a fact. That's the boss God gave you. Verse 7, with good will doing service, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that whatsoever good thing any man doeth, the same shall he receive unto the Lord, whether he be bond or free. And so anytime we do something good, anytime we work hard, as it says in verse 8, we realize we will receive from the Lord. So if you really believe what the Bible says, the smart thing would be to develop a career and work hard. Now turn to Ephesians 5. You say, Brother Stephen, what if my boss rips me off? I don't get the pay raises and things like that. I work overtime. I don't get paid for it. Well, I remember a story in the Bible about Jacob, and Jacob had a boss. He had an uncle that did not pay him what he deserved, with Laban, right? Laban did not pay him what he deserved. What ended up happening? God made sure that Jacob got what he deserved. What ended up happening? God made sure that Jacob got what he deserved. Now if you remember in that story, Jacob just kind of shows up, and guess what? He starts working, and he's not getting paid anything. He's just working. And Laban says, should you serve me for naught? He's like, you're just sitting here, you're serving me for a month, getting paid nothing. Why did Jacob get that job? Because he worked his way into getting a job. He basically worked for free. And then Laban says, man, if thou knowest any men of activity among them, then I'll make them a fool. And so he hired him. That's how he got the job to begin with, but then Laban rips him off in that company, and so what ends up happening, God provides to make sure he gets what he needs. That's the way it works. Even in secular life, it works its way as well. I remember there was a job that I wanted to get in Cumberland, Maryland, and so they tell you that all you're supposed to do is to put your resume in online and just send it and hope you get an interview. It doesn't really always work that way though. Quite honestly, it's worth the extra effort to go down there if you really want the job and hope you can talk to someone. And I went down there, and I dropped off my resume, and I said, hey, I just sent my resume online yesterday, and I really was interested in working for the company. I was hoping I could talk to someone, and then they said they're busy. I said, can you just pass them on and let them know that I just submitted my application. I'd really like to work here. And so I didn't hear back for a couple days, and so guess what I did later on? I went back. I did that a second time. And then I didn't really hear back, and I went back a third time. Guess what? I ended up getting the job. You say, why? Because if you're diligent and you keep going, they're going to say, well, you know, he's probably going to work harder than somebody else who just submitted their resume online. They can tell you all they want that going in person doesn't mean anything, and for some companies it doesn't, but quite honestly, for some companies, if you have two people that are basically on the level with one another, actually making the extra effort could put you above that first. Now, here's the thing. If you're a smart owner of a company, you're going to understand that, because you're going to be like this in Genesis 27 and say, I want a man of activity. Now, not necessarily every employee is going to be smart. Not every boss is going to be that way, but you know, there are some that will end up giving you the job. That's how I got the job, okay? And so if you want something, you're going to work hard for it. Now, as you're in Ephesians 5, let me just read you a verse in Proverbs 18, verse 9. And it says, He also that is slothful in his work is brother to him that is a great waster. So as you're in Ephesians 5, what I just read you is that if you're slothful or lazy in your work, you're also brother to him that is a great waster. What does that mean? It means the person who's lazy also wastes money. They go hand in hand. You say, why does it work that way? Well, first off, it doesn't really matter if you understand it. That's what the Bible says. Yeah, okay. But the other thing is, it makes sense from a logical standpoint. If somebody just gives me something for free and I don't work for it, it's not really that big a deal to me to just go to an expensive restaurant and spend it. But if you work really hard, you work 60 hours during the week to get your salary, you don't want to just throw away that salary. You say, why? I work 60 hours for it. That money's very precious to me. I don't want to have to work 80 hours next week, okay? So basically, you really care about that money because you earn that money. If you notice people in life growing up, if they get everything for free and their parents just hand them everything, what ends up happening is those kids end up being lazy. That's right. It's the way it works. Because they were handed everything and being a waster and being lazy go hand in hand. So if you grow up just spending money and not having to work for it, it's going to make you have this attitude, hey, I don't need to work hard. The money's going to come from somewhere, and I can just spend it, and somebody's going to give me money. But then you're going to be in for a rude awakening one day when all of a sudden it's like, well, nobody's giving me any money anymore. You need to be smart. You need to prepare for marriage. Work hard, develop a career as guys, and save up money. And honestly, you know what? That money is going to be very valuable to you one day. And here's the other thing. You might want to spend that money now, but quite honestly, you're going to have, it's going to be more important to you one day to spend that money on your children, spend that money with them. As a single guy, you don't have to spend all that money. When I was in college, my friends would go out to eat a lot, and I would go out, and I would never order anything. I'd say, what? I just didn't want to spend the money. To me, I was just like, you know, to see like 600 cases for a meal was kind of expensive to me, being a college student. I said, you know, I just don't want to spend my money on it. And that's not a whole lot of money to do just once, but it adds up. That happens every single week. And I said, you know what, I'm not in a place where I'm going to spend that money on this. And so, honestly, I didn't go out to eat that much and hang out with my friends, just not order anything. Why? Because of the fact that you need to prepare. And preparing for marriage, a large part of that is financial. And trust me on this, if you're a lady in this room, there is nothing that stresses out your husband more. And so you need to take part in that as well. But another thing we need to prepare for, we need to prepare our personalities for marriage. Ephesians 5, verse 22. Now, when we're talking about preparing for marriage, we're looking at the lady's side and the man's side. Both sides take responsibility. Right now, we're looking at the lady's responsibility. Okay? What it says in these verses, and I don't care how every Baptist pastor will explain it away, it says wives are to obey their husbands. You say, well, my brother's stuck, you know, my husband's a jerk. Well, he should have married a better husband. Now, that might sound like harsh advice, but, you know, that's the reality. It says you're going to obey this person. You're going to have to respect them. You need to be smart with who you marry. And so one thing to understand about preparing to obey is, number one, find somebody you respect. Find somebody you love and respect and you want to obey. Okay? Look, if there's somebody that you're dating and they're a jerk and they always order you around and they're rude to you, don't marry that person. Because what God expects is you're supposed to listen to that person. And if that's the person you marry, then you know what, it's going to be tough. When they're a jerk all the time and they make fun of you in front of other people, it's going to be hard to obey that person. So the first thing you need to do is marry someone you do respect. Okay? Look, there are a lot of people in this world. There's like, what, 7 million people in today's world or something like that? Look, there's plenty of people you can marry. Marry somebody you respect. And if you don't respect them, it's going to be hard and you want to listen to them. Okay? Look, if you have a boss that you respect, you're going to work hard with that boss. Right? Now, we should work hard no matter who our boss is but if your boss is a jerk, it's hard to work hard for them if you don't respect them. Okay? Look, if you play on a sports team and the coach is a jerk, you don't really want to listen to what the coach has to say. That happens all the time with teams. They say they're the most talented team but the players don't want to listen to the coach and the team ends up being terrible. It doesn't matter how much talent you have, it's whether or not you actually listen. But if the coach is going to be a jerk, you're not going to want to listen to that coach. Okay? So look, ladies, before you get married, find somebody you respect. Find somebody who's godly. Find somebody who has something other than a pretty smile. Because if that's what you're relying on to make you happy, look, that smile starts to fade and all of a sudden wrinkles are going to come around it eventually. Okay? And they're not going to be quite as attractive in the future. So marry somebody you respect and if you don't respect them, don't marry them. Look, yes, there's various parts of being married. Yes, you should find your spouse attractive. You should like spending time with them. But honestly, a large part is just that you respect that person, ladies. Find somebody you're willing to follow and if you're not willing to follow them, don't marry them. Okay? Ephesians chapter 6. Well, yeah, turn to Ephesians 6 and I'll show you one other thing with ladies. Another thing that's going to help you to obey your husband and look, when we talk about obeying our husband, you know, we're not talking about the husband being a jerk, okay? Even from a logical standpoint, if you want people to listen to you, it's easier if you're nice to them. You catch more bees with honey, okay? If you're a jerk to your wife, she's not going to want to listen to you. So if you're smart and you know what the Bible says, you're actually kind to your wife and we'll talk about that in a second. So I'm not saying, hey, I got to obey someone who's just like a jerk and mean. What I'm saying is don't marry the person if you're like that. Marry someone who loves the Lord. But also, learn to obey the authorities in your life before you're married. See, if you learn to obey the authorities that you have now, it's going to help you obey your husband more than you can. If you really struggle with obeying authority now, you're going to struggle with that once you get married. It says in Ephesians 6, verse 5, and we'll read this again, servants, be obedient to them that are your masters according to the flesh with fear and trembling and singleness of your heart as unto Christ. And so, as servants, you obey them that are your masters. Now, this is not talking about slavery. It's basically talking about if you work at a company, you obey the boss. Right. Now look, most of us, this verse applies to us in Ephesians 6, 5. Because most of us, you know, we have jobs and we have bosses. Or if you're married, your wife, your husband is your boss. If you're a child, your parents are your boss. You know, I have a boss. You know, the boss of this church, you know, obviously I'm the Lord Jesus Christ. He's pastor of Menace in California. I have a boss that I answer to. Most of us, if not all of us, have bosses, people that we have to obey, okay? And according to God, we should obey that person. Right. Ladies, if you struggle with that now, it's not going to be easy once you get married. Yeah. Learn to do it whether you want to or not now, okay? And if you don't do it now, you're probably not going to do it once you get married. No. You're not going to be very prepared for marriage. And so you understand, if you have some sort of master or boss that is not a good one, quite honestly, they're helping you prepare for marriage if you're a lady. Because if you're able to obey that person, it shouldn't be that hard to obey a husband that actually cares about you and loves the Lord. Right. Okay? And so one thing you need to do is to prepare for marriage is obey the masters you have now. One example is this. At this church, when it comes to this church, obviously, I set the rules for this church. Now you say, Brother Stuckey, I don't like a lot of the rules of this church. Well, it doesn't matter whether you like them or not because I'm the one who runs the church. Right. And so ladies in this room, you say, I don't like the rules that are made up at this church. Yeah, well, you know, if you don't like the rules that I make up at this church, you're probably not going to like the rules of your husband one day either. No. Quite honestly, you want to be prepared for marriage. Learn to obey the authorities that you have in life. And in this church, I am the authority. You've got to be Senator Pete and Pastor Venez in the Bible and the Lord Jesus Christ, obviously. What I'm saying is, no matter what that authority is, you need to obey that one. And that's true for guys, but it's definitely true for ladies because your husband is going to be the authority in your life. Okay. Now, I want you to see what the role is of men in making this happen. Notice back in Ephesians 5, Ephesians 5, because if we were to just stop at Ephesians 5, 24, you're really only getting a small picture of what the Bible is saying. Because in Ephesians 5, we're seeing the role of both men and women. Ephesians 5, verse 25, husbands love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it. And so the Bible says Christ loved the church. He died for the church. He gave himself for it. Once again, love implies action. It says he loved the church and he did an action. He gave himself for the church. He gave himself for it. And so every local church, Christ gave himself for that church, the Bible is saying. Well, we as husbands, we are supposed to love our wives in the same way that Christ loved the church. How did Jesus love the church? He laid down his life for the church. And look, this wasn't just on the cross. His entire life, he laid down for other people. He put other people before himself. Look at the life of Jesus Christ. Whenever he's exhausted, he's still helping other people. His whole life was spent in being a servant. He didn't come to be ministered onto. He came to minister, the Bible says. He didn't come as a conquering king. Now, he will do that one day. He didn't do that yet. He came as a servant, humbled himself, and then died at the cross for us. And so husbands, what do we do? You know what? We lay down our lives for our wives. Now, that's probably not going to mean that you literally lay down your life. But that's not all Jesus did. He laid down his life every single day. And so as husbands, that's how we love our wives. We basically put their needs before our very own. That's what the Bible says, verse 26. That he might sanctify it and cleanse it with the washing of water by the Word. That he might present it to himself by the glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. And because the Lord laid down his life, he was able to present the church holy and without blemish. Here's what you need to understand as husbands. You say, brother Stuckey, I'm married in this room and my wife doesn't listen to anything I do. You know what's going to help you out and get her to listen to more things? Is when you lay down your life for your wife and actually really care about her. Which means you come home from work and you don't just sit around and watch YouTube all day. You actually spend time with her. It's going to make her much more wanting to obey you because she respects you more. Now look, the wife needs to obey the husband no matter what, but reality is, the better you do at your job, the better she will at hers. If you don't lay down your life for her, she's probably not going to want to listen to you. And it works the other way as well. Ladies, you say, you want to have a good marriage. Well, if you don't learn to obey your husbands, then he's probably not going to want to lay down his life for you. And so if you want to have a good marriage, the key to that is actually being a servant to your spouse. To actually serve and humble yourself. That's going to give you a better marriage. Verse number 28. Sought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loved his wife loved himself. And so I talked about this recently when it talks about loving your own bodies. Obviously, we all love our own bodies. We take care of our bodies. We do what we want to do in our body. But the Bible says that if you love your own body, you love your wife as your own body, he that loved his wife loved himself. You say, why? Because if your wife is miserable, your life's going to be miserable. Happy wife, happy life. If your wife is miserable and upset, you're not going to be happy as the husband. And it doesn't seem that way before you're married, because before you're married, your girlfriend probably doesn't just get emotional like in front of you all the time. When you're married, you realize that women are emotional. It's reality. It just is what it is. And so you have to understand that as the husband, you need to prepare yourself for that. You need to prepare yourself to lay down your life for your wife. And you know what? If you really love your own body, what you're going to do is you're going to love your wife. If you really love yourself, you need to love your wife. That's advice from the Bible. And you say, well, how is it that men prepare to do this? Well, one way we do this is we learn to lay down our lives before we're married. We basically learn to be really hard workers and put aside our personal desires before we're married. Ephesians 5, verses 31 through 33. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall be joined unto his wife, and they too shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular show love his wife, even as himself, and the wife see that she reverence her husband. As husbands, what do you do? How do you lay down your life for other people? It means you go soul winning whether you feel like it or not. It means you read the Bible whether you feel like it or not. Say, brother, I just don't enjoy doing it. Yeah, but you know what? If you would learn to just do it whether or not you enjoy it, it's going to help you out in your marriage. You're learning to lay down your life for other people. Being a part of a church, if you're really involved in a church, it takes up a lot of time, doesn't it? Our church, you know, we're new. We don't have a ton of activities yet. Honestly, this church takes up a lot of your time. Honestly, this is going to help you out with your marriage because if you learn to lay down your life and help out other people when it doesn't necessarily benefit you, it's going to help you out in marriage. Trust me, if you're a good husband, it is going to benefit you. The closing verse here in Ephesians 5 was that the husband loves his wife even as himself and the wife sees that she reverence her husband. You say, brother, this sounds so easy to do. Well, that's because you're not married yet. You say, that sounds really easy to do. Well, it's not the easiest thing. And that's why I'm trying to help you prepare for marriage. Because it's not the easiest thing. I can't tell you that every single day when I'm done working, I'm just so excited to just lay down my own life for my wife. Sometimes I want to just be lazy or do what I want to do and things like that. But you just don't have that sort of luxury once you're married. Now, everybody in this room that's married, I'm sure they would say they're happy to be married. They're glad they're married. It's definitely worth it. But it doesn't mean it's just really easy. There are changes that are going to take place. And honestly, a big part of preparing for marriage is your personality. And the more you change that personality before you're married, the less you're going to have to change it once you are married. Now, look, in this room, we're against divorce. Everybody believes that. Everybody knows that. We know what the Bible says. We're against divorce. And you're not even able to get a divorce in this country. But here's the thing. People still do things like they separate from people that are married and just live on their own or whatever. I don't think anyone in this room is going to do that quite honestly because of the fact, you know what? You know what the Bible teaches. You love your Lord and things like that. But that doesn't mean that you're going to be happy. Look in the Bible and tell me what percentage of the marriages from Godly people are happy. It doesn't really seem like it's that high, does it? Same with Brother Stuckey. I'm a soul winner. I'm talking about the Godly human Bible. I'm a soul winner. Right. It's not going to be easy. And so what you need to do is actually prepare for that. Because just because you're a soul winner, just because you know what salvation is and you know the King James Bible, that doesn't mean you're going to have a happy marriage. I don't care how many ways you can show the rapture's post trip. That doesn't mean that you're going to be happy in your marriage. Right. And so when it comes to your marriage, you need to prepare for that. If you choose not to prepare, then I'm sure you'll still get married. But you're not going to have as happy of a marriage. And it's going to make you miserable. Okay. The last point I want to look at is this, that preparing for marriage, we need to learn to be disciplined. We need to learn to be disciplined. What do I mean by that? Well, you have to understand that when you're married, or before you're married, you have a lot of free time. And not only that, you know, you get to be alone a lot. Or you can do whatever you want. Okay. Before you're married, you probably have a lot of free time to just, you know, do whatever, go on YouTube, watch whatever sermon, do things like that. You have to understand that time's going to be less and less as you get married. Okay. And it's not just that the time is less and less. There's also just a lot more distractions. Okay. Let me just give you an example. You know, sometimes when I'm doing push-ups at home, I'm starting to do push-ups, and all of a sudden I feel my son's crawling on my back. Okay. Or I'll do push-ups, and then all of a sudden I'll look underneath me, and my son's underneath. What? He wants to join in. Okay. Now, look, obviously I don't mind, but, you know, it makes it more difficult to work out. Ask any husband who's married and tries to work out at home, and guess what? The kids try to join in that. Anyway, that makes it difficult. Okay. And so you have to understand that when you're married, a lot of things you're able to do very easily aren't quite as easy once you're married. There's people around all the time. There's distractions. Okay. You can't always just do what you want. Okay. Now, notice what it says in Matthew 19, starting in verse 13. Then they were brought unto a little children that he should put up his hands on them and pray, and the disciples rebuked them. Now, why would the disciples in Matthew 19, verse 13, why would they rebuke these kids? Because kids are a distraction. Kids are a distraction. Okay. Now, look, we believe in kids being here during the service. Okay. But to suggest that kids will never be a distraction is not the truth. Right. Kids will be a distraction sometimes. Okay. Now, there's reasons why we keep the kids in the church and that has nothing to do with this sermon. I'm not going outside the scope of this sermon. But I want you to understand, though, that the disciples, they were distracted and bothered by these kids. Why? Because children do get in the way sometimes. Okay. Now, it's great being a father. It's great being a parent. It's great having kids. You know, I wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world, but the truth is kids can be a distraction sometimes. And sometimes it frustrates you. Sometimes you wish you could have some peace and quiet, but it's a different life once you get married. Yeah. Okay. You can't always just have that peace and quiet. You have to understand your wife's going to be around. Your kids are going to be around. It just is what it is. You need to prepare for that before you're married. Verse 14. But Jesus said, Suffer little children and prevent them not from coming. For such is the kingdom of heaven, and he laid his hands on them and departed them. And so Jesus says, No, these kids are allowed to be here. And that shows why we have kids during the service because the disciples wanted to reject them, but Jesus says, No, they get to be here with us. Okay. And so it doesn't matter if everybody in this room thinks that we should have a nursery. We were never having one. Okay. Say why? Because Jesus said, Suffer little children. The kids are to be here, but you're understanding that the disciples see them as a distraction because they are a distraction. Okay. Kids can be a distraction. Now, we have to learn to deal with it in church. You know, if a kid starts crying or acting up or whatever, we do have a mother-baby room, which really helps, but, you know, it is what it is. Sometimes I have grades, and sometimes my son or one of the other kids is kind of acting wild. It is what it is. They're kids. Okay. It's great being a parent, but you have to understand when you have kids around, you're not going to be able to do as much as what you want. Okay. So here's the thing. If you're going to read the Bible, you must be very disciplined to read it when you get a chance. Okay. If you like to work out, you must be diligent to work out when you get a chance. Okay. The best time to do your personal time with God is first thing in the morning. Okay. I would suggest that if you're a single person, you develop that now. You'd be disciplined with doing it first thing in the morning because here's the thing. You get home from work, and you might not have free time to read the Bible. You can't just tell your son, hey, you know what, you can't talk to me for the next hour. Tell your wife and your son you can't talk to me. No, they're going to be around. And she'd say, when do I do my Bible reading? You do it first thing in the morning. Right. You do it while your son's asleep. You do it when you get a chance. Or it's your job. Before you go home, you spend 30 extra minutes at work reading the Bible before you go home. Or you show up 30 minutes early and do your Bible reading. I did that when I was single. I would go to work an hour, an hour and a half early and just do Bible reading until I got in trouble for clocking in too early. But that's what you do. Okay. You go and you do things when you get a chance. So you do it either early or late. But you have to be disciplined because you're not going to necessarily not going to necessarily have the free time or the ability. Now, turn to first Peter 2. First Peter 2. Now let me say this. When I say clocking, I don't mean clocking as I start at work. You had a key and once you opened the door it says so and so entered the building. But then you actually clocked in on your computer. So I'm not saying I was getting paid to read the Bible. I was just saying I was going to the office and they're like why do you show up at 5.30 every morning for work? And I said I'm reading the Bible. And they're just like, okay. So anyways, I'm not saying I was getting paid to read the Bible. But in first Peter 2 verse 2 the Bible reads this. As newborn babies desire the sincere milk of the word that ye may grow their body. The Bible says that as babies grow through milk we grow through the milk of the word of God. Now, I want you to understand something. How is it that babies express their desire to be fed? They cry out. Just as we should cry out to the word of God and actually care for it. That's how babies express their desire for milk. That's how babies express their desire for anything. You got to figure out what it is. Why is my son crying? You don't necessarily know. You got to figure it out. You have to understand that there's noise around all the time. Now, when it comes to husbands and wives the wives in the ideal situation as we're talking about preparing for marriage early around the child all the time basically even more so than the men that need to be disciplined with reading the Bible when they get a chance. So basically, when you're single you have 23 minutes and you're just kind of on your email doing whatever on Facebook. You need to just say, hey, I'm reading my Bible now because I don't know when I'm going to get 20 more free minutes. Now, when I was single I would basically go to bed very early usually before 10 and I would wake up very early. 4 in the morning is usually when my alarm went off. That's when I woke up. I had an early rise, but I would wake up very early. It was very easy to do because I'd just get in a pattern of living I'd go to bed in the time I'd wake up and it was very easy. But here's the thing even when I got married it wasn't that difficult. It changed once my son was born. You say, well, why does it change? Because there are some nights when your son will start crying in the middle of the night because he's teething or because, whatever, he's hungry or because he's got sickness or whatever and what happens is it throws off your sleep cycle and it's not that easy to just change it every second. When I was single and even when I was married I would go to bed in the same time and wake up I didn't have no problem. I'd just read my Bible do my Bible memorization no problem whatsoever. Once you start having kids though it's going to change because your kids might wake up in the middle of the night for some reason. Your kids might have times where they're sick and there's a couple days where basically you're not going to get much sleep as a parent. And as much as that's mainly the wife's responsibility it also becomes the husband's as well. You're not just going to completely separate yourself from that. And so honestly it gets a lot harder to have a set schedule so what you need to do is be disciplined when you have time to do things. Basically you don't waste time. You can't just sit there and waste time. Now when you're single you know how much free time you're going to have. You know that I get done I get home from work from 6 p.m. to 10 p.m. I have four hours to do whatever I want. It doesn't work that way when you're married. You must learn to be disciplined. Which means develop a pattern as husbands or wives of first thing in the morning just doing your Bible reading. Husbands do it before you get home. And trust me you would much rather get home from work and just spend time with your kids than just ignore you. And if you're going to be a good husband and a good father that's what you're going to do. Because you don't want to just take away time from them. One of the big things that happens when you get married you're probably going to start sleeping less. I mean it just is what it is. You start having kids and you're going to sleep less hours than you did. Not because you want to sleep less hours but out of necessity. And if you want to be productive as a Christian and still get everything done you're going to have to sleep less hours. Look I know a lot of people that were great were great soul owners before they got married. And when they got married they stopped being great soul owners. You say why? Because you have less free time and they didn't develop the discipline or they just chose that they love sleep too much that they just couldn't still read the Bible and go to the soul and do all this. A lot of people People think that when they get married all their problems will be gone and everything will be great and they'll just be much better Christians. Honestly a lot of people get married and they quit being good Christians. Now you that are single in this room yes you should have the attitude that that's not going to happen to me but you have to have the understanding that it could happen to you. Because it can happen to anyone. You must make changes if you don't want that to happen. You say you're single in this room you love the Lord you go soul winning you serve God you love being a part of this church hey that's great we love having you here. I want you to stay like that. But if you're going to stay like that you're going to need to make some changes when you get married. One thing is with being disciplined you will not read the Bible that much unless you learn to be disciplined because you just won't have the ability. There's always going to be noises and distractions and there's going to be much less free time once you get married. And everybody who's in this room that's married is going to tell you the same thing. I'm not saying something that no one else believes everybody in this room is going to tell you that hey you know what when you're married and you have kids guess what there's a lot of time spent with those kids often times you know your kids just want to play with you and you know what honestly as a father you're going to want to play with your kids. And so it's a lot easier to just say well I'll just forsake my Bible for you. You can't forsake your Bible. What you need to do is do that early that way you can still spend time with your kids. Because another part of being prepared for marriage is understanding that you need to spend time with your wife and your kids as a husband. And so you must find time to spend with your kids because if you want your kids to grow up and love the Lord you're going to have to do that. Otherwise you're going to provoke them to wrath as the Bible says in Ephesians 6 because you are a father that just never spent time with your kids and you're going to have to do that. Otherwise you're going to provoke them to wrath as the Bible says in Ephesians 6 because you are a father that just never spent time with them. You must find time to do both and say what's the secret? Quite honestly your amount of sleep might just go down and you must be very disciplined. The time you do have you need to learn is very precious. Now let me say this in conclusion and let me say one other thing. If you decide for your wife to stay home and raise the kids and your wife likes that and she stays home here's what you have to understand that quite honestly a lot of times your wife might get stressed out being at home all the time with the kids and honestly she might get bored sometimes. She's always at home and in the back of her head she might hear what the world says and say you know what why can't I go out and work a job and things like that. You have to understand that when you get married doesn't the Bible talk about when you first get married basically having one year with your spouse you're not going off to battle basically you're around your spouse and so here's the thing when you get married you have to understand that your wife being home all the time is probably getting stressed out and she's getting bored so what you need to do is actually come home and spend time with your wife and your kids. Now if you say Brother Stockton you know I don't know and you choose not to follow this advice and that's up to you I'm sure you'll get married but what I'm also sure about is you won't have a happy marriage. I would rather you learn this stuff now and take who can do it especially if you plan to get married the next couple of years make those changes now. You don't make changes like this overnight. Nothing happens like that. Nothing happens where you're here and you say I'm going to start working out Brother Stockton hey great start working out and in one month I'm going to be like the strongest person at church I'm going to go from never having lifted in my life and then a week later I'm going to bench 300 pounds it's not going to happen if you set that as a goal it's going to take years to reach that you say Brother Stockton I want to be the best husband or best wife I possibly can it doesn't happen in one day I'm going to tell you what the Bible says so you can start making those changes now and become a great husband and become a great wife now here's the thing marriage is a great thing I would suggest to anybody that if you find the right person that loves the Lord by all means get married I think marriage is great but I'm also telling you that the world is lying to you when they make you feel like that just because someone has a pretty smile and pretty eyes and you have so much fun hanging out and they're so funny it's going to be perfect it doesn't work that way you must make the changes now you say why because I want you to be happy in life I'm sure you want to be happy I'm sure God wants you to be happy but if you don't make these changes you're not going you're both going to be miserable and quite honestly you're going to be like most characters in the Bible that did not have good marriages and you say how is it that two soul owners people that read the Bible all the time their kids grew up that's the reason why dear heavenly father thank you for allowing us to be in your house today I ask you to help all of us apply this to our lives whether or not we're married or unmarried God we all still have changes we need to make we need to work on these things God I hope just to all make those changes and you know honestly God marriage is a great thing and it's encouraging to see all these young people that love the Lord that might be getting married here