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Now I remember when I was a lot younger and you know somebody said something to me and it kind of you know I kind of I don't know I don't know if I want to say it hurt my feelings or just it just kind of cut me to the heart because of the fact that what they were saying I felt like it was kind of true what they were saying you know and and usually when somebody says something to you and it's not true it doesn't really bother you that much right I mean if somebody just rails on you with some outlandish accusation you saw that's a good one you know yeah right but you know when somebody criticizes you and it kind of cuts to the heart because you you kind of feel like they hit a little too close to home you know what I'm talking about I remember when I was a young man it wasn't really a criticism of me but this just kind of cut me to the heart and I was young and I didn't know a whole lot but I remember somebody said to me they said to me I was talking to them about how you know if you do the right things God's gonna bless you and God's gonna take care of you and this and that and you know this person basically said to me they said you know what they said I look at your life right now and they said you know I see you going to church three times a week and this is a long time ago that's when I was first married you know in the early day I think I've been married a few years actually you know I've been married several years but it was a long time ago it was a few years ago and they said you know I look at your life you're in church three times a week you're out soul-winning you read the Bible like madness you know and you're you're tithing you know you're giving to missions and they say but look at your life they said you know God's not blessing you I mean look you're you're dirt poor you have no money you know you're not getting ahead you're not getting anywhere you know things aren't going great for you so how are you gonna sit there and tell me that if I do the right thing God's gonna bless me you know when I look at you you're not being blessed and at the time I mean I was struggling really bad financially I mean we were very poor things were not going good and it just kind of hurt me because I was just thinking to myself you know why isn't God blessing me more you know what I mean I am doing the right things you know but you know what God was blessing me because I was out getting people saved because I was having children with my wife and you know we look at it and say you're not being blessed because your car is a piece of junk and and you don't have any money and you can hardly even pay your bills and you know and I you know thank God ever since I've been married the only time I've ever been laid out a bill was just because you know I just forgot to send it out I mean I've always had the money for bills but sometimes that's all the money I had and we there were times when we had no furniture I mean for years we had no furniture no food what was the thing that was brought up honey the other day that I always forget to mention when I'm talking about a poor we were she brought up just the most extreme example and I was like man I should have brought that up I mean just to get you to realize I mean we had nothing and this person looked at that from the outside and saw that you know that we were just struggling and just God's not blessing you but you know what we got the blessing of God all mixed up and you know you got your prosperity preachers out there the health and wealth gospel that's gonna tell you about how God's gonna bless you financially you know God's not necessarily gonna bless you financially but you know what God will bless you with something that's more important I mean what is the value of getting somebody saved I mean that's treasure in heaven I mean that's a human being I mean is a human being worth more or things and we need to realize that people are what's important and nothing and and this philosophy carries over to every part of life and I remember at the time thinking to myself you know what I don't know if I can afford to have children but you know I'm just gonna I'm just gonna pray that God provides I'm just gonna have faith in God and you know God did provide and yes we were lean yes we were scraping by but we always had food to eat we were able to pay our bills and we lived we survived we made and you know I remember I said to somebody at the time I said well I said I can always make more money later and straighten my finances out there but I can't go back and have a bunch of kids later you know what I mean and and I saw the value in a human being you know I can look at my children's faces right now and be glad that I chose people rather than things